[skristiesan2]

We have two FS's 21mths. and 33mths.. Our adoption should be finalized the end of Aug. or first of Sept. We are struggling with whether we should change their names. Of course we'll be changing their last names to ours but should we change their first or middles names. We do not dislike their names at all. They would probably not be my first choice but they're still fine. Will it be hard on them changing thier names and going by the new ones? Thanks for the help.

[stevenstwin]

I know that this was quite the thread on one of the other boards, so you might want to read through all those opinions! But my personal feeling is that I would not change the name on any child older than a newborn. It feels too much like taking away something that uniquely belongs to them. I think it would be hard for YOU to switch, too, after calling them something else for so long!

[Lylac]

It all depends on how you feel. I mean for security purposes. We kept our daughters first name and changed her middle and last name. We are adopting a 3 year old and will be changing his whole name. It all depends on the situation. You will find opinions swinging both ways and it's great that we have this place to come to to get them, but in the end we always will do what's best for us.

[DCMomLady]

We faced the same dilemma when we adopted our little girl. By the time the adoption was finalized, she was 32 months old and we wondered if there might be psychological effects beyond the confusion of getting used to a new name.

Unfortunately, she had been named for the birthfather who abused her and her birthmother ... plus the name was extremely popular that year and I hated how common it was among little girls her age. It was tempting to give her the name I'd always planned to give my daughter if we had been so blessed.

In the end, we decided to keep her first two names and added two more, my last name and then my husband's. We have always used an affectionate nickname for her, an abbreviation of her first name. I imagine that this nickname will follow her into her school years and she can decide later whether she wants to bear her birthfather's name or not.

[bjhv5]

WE are changing all our childrens names.

With the oldest (8) she wants to change and has even asked if we can start calling her by the name she wants,we are keeping her middle name and giving a new first and last name.
With N (3 1/2)we are making her first name her new middle name and giving her new first and last name
with K(2) we are changing his entire name( he is a jr)as with J(3) he will get a whole new name.
with S we have been calling her the name we plan on using since we brought her home from the hospital.

We have started calling J his new name and he has adjusted fine even the other children switched to calling him the new name quickly.
I think you have to do what is right for your family.I mean I really do not remember what I was called at 3( no I am not adopted so this has been my name) but do you remember all the names and nick names you had at that age?
I do have a friend that was adopted and she has n problems with her" new" name.

[Mel in NEPA]

We are altering our children's names, but slightly. Our 15 yr old changed his name because he had the same name as our other foster son. His name was gaelic, and he just goes by the english translation.. Sean = John. Our Sean's middle name is Patrick and we are going to change that to the gaelic Padraig. Our yongest foster son is going to have his first and middle names switched, although we will probably continue calling him by his current name. They will all get Christopher stuck in there, just like my birth children have.. and our last names.

with our oldest two foster sons, they were part of the decision, and it was what they wanted to do.

[5starday]

When we brought our Little A home, her birth name was 5 syllables long. A bit much for a 4 month old, so our 8 year old son shorted it with a nickname (which is also a common girl's name). We began to call her that from the 1st day. She was never given a middle name at birth.

The emergency receiving home (before us) called her by another shortened version of her birthname, but we have 3 other friends by that same name so we didn't want to call her that too. It was also a masculine type nickname, so we weren't really fond of it.

When we adopt Little A, we will change her name to the shortened version of her birth name because it is what we've always called her.

[ml4474]

I plan on changing our FS name when we adopt. He is going to be 14. We all sat down and had a long talk about it... and he said he definately wants his last name changed. He also wants to change the spelling of his first name - so it will stay the same just be spelled correctly - and he is going to change his middle name to his bio father's first name. I think the change is good for him because it represents a fresh start.

[MamaS]

I am in the process of adopting my four-year-old grandson. He was given a family name as his first name, a popular name for his middle name, and has his birthfather's surname.
We are changing only the surname, because he already knows himself by his first name and his middle name has no association with the birthfather. It isn't the name I would have chosen, but it was his mother's choice and I respect that.

[ajrl]

I have not yet adopted out of foster care, but the other day I met this other wonderful foster mom. She told me the story of her 2 foster children. She told me that the boys were 11 and 14 and she changed their names. She said that she did it for security purposes so that the birth family could not track them down since they knew of her last name. Also, she said that the boys needed a clean start and that she wanted to give that to them. She changed all their names so that they had a clean break. The boys really were interested in changing their names as well and thought that it was great that she was tryinig to give them the choice and give them a clean break from their hard lives.

I never thought of changing any of ours names if we adopted them, but looking at her perception of things, I prob would have change their names too.

AJ

[stevenstwin]

I guess with children that old, it really should be THEIR decision. I'm honestly surprised that a 14 year old would WANT their name changed. My foster son would have an absolute FIT if we tried to change any of his names after the TPR goes through. He's the only experience I have with this topic, so I guess I assumed all kids would feel the same way. At the very least, I'm assuming children that old would want to help PICK their new names, and not just have the parents say "Well, you aren't Mike any more - from now on you're Steve." ;-)

[ajrl]

Yeah sorry they did change their names to something that they each wanted. I think that made it cooler. the one boy kept his name similar but went from Marcus to Mark and the other changed his name all together she said.

AJ

[JC10]

We're in the same dilemma, finalizing our 3 in August. Two sons and a daughter, 6, 4, & 2. One is a JR from an abusive relationship so the name does tie to painful memories. We're torn on the subject for various reasons. A name gives a sense of identity, self, and individualism. It labels you as you. However, w/ foster children other factors must play in ie: safety & security; memories (painful or sweet?); emotional stress, etc... I think we're leaning more towards name changes all around to ensure a clean slate & security for their future....now, what to name them and how to go about it...ugh...decisions, decisions...

[mj77]

I gladly changed my sons names. My friend (who is amom to 3 of my son's siblings) also changed her kids' names and they were older. They actually helped select their names. I think it depends on the family. Giving our son a name was part of claiming which is good for my son. More importantly, he was a "Jr" to a dangerous man. I have no regrets. If my kids have a problem with it when they grow up and want to change their names, so be it.

[aunlanpo]

In Japan, names are so very important. My fedaughter introduced herself, "My name's Naomi, it has no meaning." She later explained that everyone's name means something... except hers. I suppose because everyone else's name is Japanese, but hers is Hebrew. And Japanese do not give middle names. Our first gift to her was to look up the meaning of her name, "joyful, pleasant one." She cried. The next time she introduced herself to someone, she said, "Hello, my name is Naomi, meaning pleasant one and joyful." The last gift we gave her was a box all wrapped up, as exquisitely decorated as we could. (Wrappings are very important in Japan!) And inside was a slip of paper, with the middle name David and I spent months choosing for her and it's meaning. It's an American name, meaning love song. Oh boy, did she cry. She is our love song. And every single time I call her by her whole name, I'm not fooled into believing that I'm really her mother, but it does reconfirm what my heart knows and that is that I am her mother and she is my girl. I know that doesn't make any sense.

When we do adopt, we will add-to their name. Or perhaps we will change it. We will change their sur-name for sure. We'll have the rest of their childhood years ahead of us, so there will be time to figure it out. We can try something, and see how it works, and if we end up changing the name, we'll just go to the court house, with no pomp and circumstance, and just pay the fee and officially change it. Maybe we'll add the name that we choose after their first name. Then after awhile, a year, or a few months, or whatever seems right, we'll just use them interchangeably. Then after awhile, a year, or months, or whatever seems right, we'll just use the one we have given. Because, there's no doubt. I will be the mother. I will give my love, I will give my future, I will give my house and home, I will give a place in our family, I will give my whole life, and then I will give an inheritance of all that I own, equal to that which I give to every other of my children. And I will give my child a name. And I expect that every single time I call that child the name we pick out, it will reconfirm to my head what my heart already knows. That this is my child.

And here's a cool thing. Well, I think it's cool. When we ask Jesus Christ to be our personal Savior, we are adopted into the family of God. The Bible says that we are "new creations, the old has gone, the new has come." Of course, we don't see that right away. And we don't feel that right away. And then in time, as we look back at our old lives, we see the transformation in us. I think it will be like that with an adopted child. In time, they will see that they are ours. And the resemblance will be striking, even without the biology. They will resemble us in ways that have nothing to do with eye color... because they are ours. So, even while we are in the world, we become less and less of the world. And so even while the child comes from a family, they become less and less a part of that biology. Oh boy, I'm rambling... The point is, I don't want those ties to a life that lead to death. And I intentionally separate myself from those things in the world that will remind me of the brokeness of my previous life. I think a child would want that too. But I will just have to wait. Because their are no rules with Christ, or with this. We will take it one day at a time.