[locoenlacabeza]

I posted awhile ago about biomom not feeding the baby because I forgot to pack a spoon. Well since then, I have started packing a spoon but they still are not feeding her.
Yesterday, the visit was early AM, so I packed a dish of dry cereal, and a jar of fruit. The jar of fruit was opened, but maybe only 3 bites out of it.
The visit before that, was a noon time visit, and yet again the jar was unopened. This is a pattern that has continually happened.
I have mentioned it to the parent aid, and she just makes excuses. Oh they tried to feed her....blah blah blah.....I just don't understand. When she is with me she eats fine. I don't have to "try" very hard at all. Why don't the parents get how much of a bonding experience feeding is?
At one visit, mind you, it was only a 3 hr visit, they gave her almost 4 bottles but didn't even attempt to feed her any solids.
I just don't get it.....The CW hasn't even made contact with me but once, I have left several messages.....I just need to vent I suppose.

[DianeScraps]

Ugg! that is frustrating!

I would forward the Caseworker full documentation of what is/isn't being eaten at each visit, as well as what is normally eaten during that time frame.

[ECDGA]

They may be trying and the babe is just stressed out and won't eat. Try feeding before you send--and just know it is your arms and the security of your home she is craving for the comfort of love and food. So sad that the parents don't know how to care for their baby.

[ml4474]

I think feeding before the visit would be smart on your part. How long are the visits with the bio? If they are short, feed right before the visit and of course just after... Look at it this way, you will have more bonding time with your fc

[All Boys]

I too would suggest feeding her just before, and just after.. I too have the same problems with my F/S.. His bmom would not feed him, and if she did feed him, it was junk food that she brought... And of course he would love to eat it, and then he would not eat any real food, and he would be all hyper too... And she also likes to feed him a bottle all of the time... That is her way of controlling him.
But my son bmom, is mentually ill, she is clinically diagnosed as having the mature mind of an 8 year old...
So I try to keep that in mind at visits. Of course our visits are only an hour long supervised at DCFS.. So all of ours is closly monitored, and documented...
Good Luck..

[aunlanpo]

I guess my thinking is that no one else is really there to take care of the child's basic needs, but the fosterparents. That's why the baby was removed in the first place, because the bioparents couldn't/wouldn't. So, I think it's good to feed the baby before hand, or after, just to make sure she gets her needs met, since you're really the only one there for her.

BUT, if this is moving closer to RU, though, I don't think I'd do that. They should be given opportunity to meet her needs, and see how they do with that. It's a good chance to find out if they can/will. And I think it will help the deciders decide if RU is, in fact, best for her. So, absolutely document, document, document! Like someone else said, write down what was fed, and what is normally eaten. Missing one meal won't really hurt her, but if the deciders don't know that's happening, and she goes back, obviously missing many meals would hurt her. And like someone said, maybe she's just stressed, and won't eat for them. But to me that just means they need to do more to help her relax and trust them, which would be required if she lived with them.

Boy oh boy I understand you needing to vent. I don't blame you at all!

[hubbyswife]

I agree feed the baby before and after.... We send a diaper bag w our FD2. We've sent a few bottles and baby food along w a spoon..... FD2 has a sibling that's about a lil over a yr and half... well when DH picked FD2 up... we were missing the spoon (it wasn't a cheap one either), Bmom said that the sibling was thirsty so she gave him a bottle that had formula in it and the baby food was gone, assuming she feed it to FD2.....

I'm sorry but it's NOT my responsibility to feed the other sibling at a visit. I'm not the fmom of the sibling. I don't know if the other fmom knows to send stuff. I am responsible for our FD2 only. Her visit is late afternoon, she doesn't eat then so why was I sending food? So we stopped sending food. I send ONE small bottle in a diaper bag and that's it. We've lost a few bottles b/c bmom doesn't give them back. They cost $$$ plus I don't have lots of time to go to the store to keep buying new ones either.

We send a diaper bag w about 5 diapers, sm container of wipes, one onsie outfit, socks, and a sm bottle. That's it.

If her visit was during the time she was to eat, I would feed her beforehand and after. I would just send a bottle or a sippy cup. Less is More....

That's just from my experience... this is really the first time that we have dealt w regular visits.

[locoenlacabeza]

Thanks everyone! Yeah, I agree that feeding before and after is probably the best bet, I guess I just thought that by sending the food it would kind of help make them be a bit more responsible for her because RU is the plan.
They got angry last visit because she was already standing alone since the last time they had seen her, and they are trying to rush the process of RU, and I just feel like they can't do something as minescule as feeding; how are they going to care for her when there is no one else around to do it.
For me its not about her going home and leaving me, there will be no chance of adoption on this case as the baby is Native American. I just want what is ultimately best for her, and I feel like they should be stepping up to the plate a bit more. Nevermind, that this is the second time I am told that she has been removed in her short 8 months on earth.....