[madfostermomma]

Just checking to see if anyone has a husband that was instrumental in doing foster care. I had to drag my husband kicking and screaming into this and there are times now that we are involved with " the system" he shakes his head because he said it consumes me. He likes doing it and he is awesome at taking care of the kids but he doesnt live for it- that pasion is reserved for his tropical fish tank! So I began wondering if there were any husbands out that that started out wanting this or have most of them just come along for the ride.

[echobunny89]

My fiancee was also dragged into this kicking and screaming although he has been helpful as much as he is able. He always complains that I have no time for him because I am always running around like a nut! He respects me decision but I think he was relieved to hear that the girls were being moved.

[deidra_mitchell00]

I definatly got the ball rolling in our situation but, he has supported it a 100%. We talked about doing Foster care before we even got married, things just have gone a little differently than we planned. We wanted to have our own kids first, but that didn't happen so here we are. I think that you should be thankful that he went along with it to begin with. I know alot of my girlfriends husbands are of the opinion that they are not going to raise someone elses kids. So just be patient with him. Maybe he needs to get use to the whole thing in his own time.
Good luck
Dee

[tpakra]

Surprisingly, my husband didn't put up a fight about going to the classes. Yes, he got antsy during them, and could think of better things to do with his Saturdays, but he was really good about going.

You never know, maybe he's nervous or scared...something along those lines, and he's only acting that way to hide his true feelings?

[jstodd01]

My DH and I talked it all out as much as we could before we started. If I didn't have his full cooperation I wouldn't have done. You always have to remember the kids may come and go but he is the one who will always be here. at least that is the way I see it.

[ANNWILL]

MY HUSBAND WAS SORT OF NERVOUS OF DOING THIS BUT LIKE I TOLD HIM, WE CAN'T AFFORD TO PRIVATELY ADOPT SO THIS IS ACTUALLY THE ONLY WAY WE COULD HAVE THE FAMILY WE OR SHOULD I SAY I WANT. HE WANTS A FAMILY TOO, BUT SEEING HOW THIS SYSTEM WORKS WE BOTH KNOW THAT THE LITTLE ONE THAT WE HAVE WILL PROBALLY BE THE ONLY CHILD. WE ARE CURRENTLY GOING THROUGH THE APPEALS COURT-CSB HAS PERMANENT CUSTODY SO FAR. WE'RE JST BEING VERY POSITIVE AND KNOW THAT GOD KNOWS THAT SHE BELONGS WITH US- HEARD THAT THE APPALATE COURT COULD TAKE UP TO A YEAR AND WE'VE HAVE THIS LITTLE ONE FOR OVER 3 YEARS-GOT EHR WHEN SHE WAS 3MOS OLD AND NOW SHE IS 3

[Eighty8Keys]

My husband is actually the one who suggested foster care/adoption to me first! He had seen a couple of episodes of "Adoption Stories" on TV and had me watch one with him. It took me awhile to warm up to the idea, but he was patient and didn't push the issue until I was ready, too. Classes were fine, and now we are just waiting for placement.

[aunlanpo]

In our family, I've been the reluctant one. My motivation started out being to add to our family. We have a lot of love to share and really good "kid skills." And I had a vision of having more children, and it being a lot like it would be if we had more biological children. And my husband kept pointing out that it's not about me and what I want, but about what direction God calls us. And my husband's the one that waited for me to realize that while we want to add to our family, there are children that need a family like ours... and that our need to add to our family is not more important than children's need to have us as their family. So, I wanted to adopt from China to avoid all the garbage that goes along with foster/adopt. But he kept pointing to the children... reminding me of the unique set of skills God has given us that work in so perfectly with foster children's needs. Sigh. I know he's right. But it's taken me a long time to get over my self-focused agenda. I know that makes me a schmuck. Sorry. Especially since all of you were already there with your selflessness, from the beginning!

So, being on the other side, maybe your husbands are sharing some of my fears:

Can I handle a troubled child 24/7 for life?
What if we get a psychopath. (I know! I didn't say I was reasonable/educated/smart!)
What if I go into a deep depression for months after a child is reunited with birthparents and I can't be a good mom to the kids I have.
How am I gonna cope if I believe that child is going back into a horrible situation when they are reunited. (ooooo that one hasn't gone away.)
Will my 11 yo daughter be ok with a child leaving. She gets so attached to kids.
Do I really have what it takes.
Can we really afford it, when chances are they will have increased needs.

And if I were a husband, I would undoubtedly wonder if it would interfere with sex in some way. lol

So, I still don't have any of those answers. But I trust God. And I trust my husband, and I'm willing to let myself be vulnerable, because it's not really what I will do, but what Christ will do in me and through me. (hey, I'm a pastor!) And since God says that He has a plan for each one of us, a plan to prosper us and not to harm us, a plan to give us a hope and a future, then I will just lean on Him. But it has definitely tested my trust.

[aunlanpo]

In our family, I've been the reluctant one. My motivation started out being to add to our family. We have a lot of love to share and really good "kid skills." And I had a vision of having more children, and it being a lot like it would be if we had more biological children. And my husband kept pointing out that it's not about me and what I want, but about what direction God calls us. And my husband's the one that waited for me to realize that while we want to add to our family, there are children that need a family like ours... and that our need to add to our family is not more important than children's need to have us as their family. So, I wanted to adopt from China to avoid all the garbage that goes along with foster/adopt. But he kept pointing to the children... reminding me of the unique set of skills God has given us that work in so perfectly with foster children's needs. Sigh. I know he's right. But it's taken me a long time to get over my self-focused agenda. I know that makes me a schmuck. Sorry. Especially since all of you were already there with your selflessness, from the beginning!

So, being on the other side, maybe your husbands are sharing some of my fears:

Can I handle a troubled child 24/7 for life?
What if we get a psychopath. (I know! I didn't say I was reasonable/educated/smart!)
What if I go into a deep depression for months after a child is reunited with birthparents and I can't be a good mom to the kids I have.
How am I gonna cope if I believe that child is going back into a horrible situation when they are reunited. (ooooo that one hasn't gone away.)
Will my 11 yo daughter be ok with a child leaving. She gets so attached to kids.
Do I really have what it takes.
Can we really afford it, when chances are they will have increased needs.

And if I were a husband, I would undoubtedly wonder if it would interfere with sex in some way. lol

So, I still don't have any of those answers. But I trust God. And I trust my husband, and I'm willing to let myself be vulnerable, because it's not really what I will do, but what Christ will do in me and through me. (hey, I'm a pastor!) And since God says that He has a plan for each one of us, a plan to prosper us and not to harm us, a plan to give us a hope and a future, then I will just lean on Him. But it has definitely tested my trust.

[MBelt8402]

We are both on board 100%, but it was actually his suggestion to do foster. We both wanted more children. We both had thought about fostering over the years, but had never talked about it. One day he brought it up, and that was it the decision was made.

[hubbyswife]

My DH and I knew from the start that if we wanted to have a family it would be thru adoption. We choose this route. He was the one that pushed for me to start the paperwork and mail it in and all that stuff. We even pushed up getting married so that when we turned everything in we were married over a year.

[Robbiesmomma]

I suggested the idea and my husband was totally on board after reading the web sites I found. He is now saying that if all goes well he would like us to keep adopting teens after our son is grown, even. Neither of us can fathom being a kid who aged out. BTW we both had non-family help us get through our teen years and realize how much of a difference one person's support can make.

[ouska]

My Husband had to pull me kicking and screaming

I was so scared to get started. We are waiting for our homestudy approval. We should have it any day now.
Hubby did most of the paper work too. As i went out of town and missed the two classes that needed most of the papers.

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

We talked about it one night after seeing a news story and the next day he made the call to get things started. We have both been 100% involved ever since.

[Tudu]

My DH lives for the classes and visits but refuses to read anything unless I place it in the library (his bathroom).