[daisydog137]

Finally got a therapist appointment for 6 year old J who has had temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way. He grunts to get attention, wets his bed at night and in general has always got to be the first, the best, the center of attention.

It took 3 months for an appointment. Last tuesday was our intake appointment where the counselor enters background information into his computer, etc.

In addition to J I had to bring his little sister A (4) and my 6 year old son (N).

A&N are very laid back children unless J gets them riled up.

Anyhow, the 5 of us are in this tiny office with only some crayons and paper to occupy the kids. Counselor explains that he usually counsels teens. ( I found out later that he was hired 2 weeks ago).

The kids were being really noisy so I politely asked the kids to be quieter so I could hear the counselor asking me questions. Counselor intervenes saying "they're alright - as long as they aren't hurting eachother let them be kids" and then said something about parents not understanding that kids can't sit still for a long time.

I wasn't asking them to sit still or to be silent - just to stop yelling so I could hear.

So I told him that he was in charge and that while we were in his office he would have complete say over the kids behavior.

Needless to say I had to sit 6 inches away from him so I could hear his question. At one point my son got stabbed in the neck with a crayon.

Then he brings out this puppet (therapy puppet that looked like a policeman). Immediately J starts jumping up and punching at the puppet and A follows suit. They are all laughing, etc. Nathan is laughing and attempting to swat at it, but I could tell he was a little out of his element.

Maybe I'm totally out of line, but I thought maybe the counselor would have said something about the puppet not like being punched - etc., but let it continue and then said, "It's okay if you punch the puppet but the rule is before you go you have to hug the puppet".

Okay - so it's okay to beat something up as long as you apologize later?????

He explained that he really wouldn't be talking to J one on one since he's too young to really analyze his feelings (which I don't buy) and that he probably wouldn't need to see us more than 6 weeks because we'll have strategies in place at home to deal with the negative behavior.

In the 3 months that I've had J he's made huge strides, and we have a very structured household so I'm a little afraid of what this counselor is going to request that I do.

I had to type up my family routines, reward and consequence system and give it to him tonight at our second appointment.

Would I be out of line to express my concerns? I don't want to undermine his authority, but at the same time I refuse to compromise my standards.

Am I wrong to expect that kids play quietly in a waiting room instead of running around like screaming banshees???

[lucyjoy]

You're way nicer then me. If I tell my kids to do something and another adult says they don't have to, not working for me. Sounds like the therapist is stupid and collecting a pay check. I dated a guy once who punched me but then thought hugging me would make it okay-I think they call that abuse.(maybe he was a client of this guy) I hate therapists that think punching anything is okay. I would look for someone else. Doesn't sound like this guy has a clue.

[swanzie]

O My - I would not like this at all. I believe that this therapist is going to be more trouble than he's worth - did he get his credentials off a package of frosted flakes??

My advice - call his supervisor and tell them that you are not happy and would like another therapist assigned. You need to be supported and encouraged not undermined. Especially with foster children, in no way is it correct to allow violence - we don't know what they have seen or experienced. That puppet represented a real policeman - what does he want the kid to grow up not respecting authority or going around killing police? Or like you said - its ok to hurt as long as you say your sorry - The wrong message is being sent.

None of this is acceptable to me. I would call the sw and let her know what happened and why you can't see this therapist and see if she can suggest a different agency or something.

Good Luck!

[stevenstwin]

I gotta tell you, I don't know much about therapists since my foster son is my first experience with them. However, we've been to three different ones (don't ask - long story related to who Children's Services would finally actually pay and approve) and NONE of them sound like your guy! It just sends up all kinds of red flags. First off, he usually counsels teens? Then he may not be a good fit for a younger child in the first place. Second of all, what's he going to do with all of them in at the same time? Our therapists, even the one working on family issues, saw the kids SEPARATELY. I won't even go into the "Punch & Judy Show", but I'm also alarmed that he's talking short -term therapy; yes, maybe 6 weeks to work on the behaviours, but what about the LONG TERM therapy needed to adress underlying trauma???

[hesabanana]

I am a sw, and a therapist, and this guy is way out of line. He undermined your authority in the first five minutes!!! Call the supervisor...you should not have to go to another agency and be on another wait list...

Good luck!