[deidra_mitchell00]

I am a new foster mom in NY state. It took about a year to get certified and then only like five days for our first call. We got a 7 month old boy and he is a lovey. I new going into this he would eventually get reunited with his BP but as time goes on the more I am attached. We have had him almost 4 months. We, or I should say they, have court this week and my nerves are through the roof. Also I have no kids of my own so I don't know what I will do with my time if he goes home. He is what our lives revolve around now. Any suggestions would be great.
Thanks
Deidra

[mrstkg1]

Dear Deidra,

The only advice I would give is to try to make every day special and meaningful, which I know you are. The bookends of fosterparenting is saying hello and goodbye, and it's all the great stuff in the middle that makes it worthwhile. If you worry too much about saying goodbye, you steal from today.

You will get attached, you can't help it. But try to have the big view that the time you spend with every foster child sends them on their way a little healthier and a little more secure.

I think it's harder with babys because you are with them for all the firsts that they are doing.

God bless you for all you do and God bless your baby wherever his life takes him.

Jami

[deidra_mitchell00]

Thanks
Some days are harder then others. I know God has me on this path for a reason so we'll see what happens

[mrstkg1]

Deidra,

Were you hoping to keep him? I know that makes it double hard. We've lost some that we really wish we could have kept, unfortunately it doesn't always work out that way, I wish the system was a tougher on birth parents, but don't get me started I have some really way out views on this stuff, especially when birth parents continue to have more children that they can't take care of.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Jami

[kathyandmark]

Hello. I'm also from NY state and wondering what county you are in? My husband and I have gone back and forth about whether or not to seek fostering. We live in Montgomery County and they only offer MAPP classes once each year - and it looks like they will be starting classes this fall. I talked to a really wonderful man at the office who seemed so nice, but he also told me that it takes about a full year to get certified. I know it must be so heartbreaking to have to say goodbye to a child...one of the #1 reasons why my husband is still not convinced we should go for it. Anyway, I'd love to hear any insights you have in particular about our state and how things go. It's great that you got a placement so quickly...and who knows - God may still have permanent plans for you in this little one's life yet! Thanks, Kathy

[mj77]

Originally Posted by deidra_mitchell00

Thanks
Some days are harder then others. I know God has me on this path for a reason so we'll see what happens

That's what helped me too. I think keeping in perspective that he's with you for whatever time, for a reason is what helped me. You contributed goodness and stability for him. You also have the opportunity to pray for him.

[diane beth]

Oh Boy! I know what you are going through! We have a beautiful preemie baby girl here! She is 4 weeks old and she weighs about 5lb 3 oz. I have to feed her evrey 3 hrs around the clock. I am getting so attached to her. I have had her for eleven days now. I know when she goes home it will be very hard. I know that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved. There are also many more children we will get to love in the future, Lord willing. This helps me so much. I really miss the 2 little boys I had early this spring. I am so glad we have little M now. Now that I have her it has helped me get over the last two. We will have her for at least 6 mo if not longer. ~Diane

[hotspice58]

BTDT!! I've had 2 sisters: 5 and 10 at the time. They left after a month to go to a family that could take all 5 of them. That was the hardest for all of us. Then I got a 6 yo boy who's ** was pregnant. I got the baby at the last minute (bfather was abusive). They both went back (although I knew it was going to happen, it was still hard). Now I have 2 boys: I got one at 6 and just finalized his adoption and his 11 yo brother who I've had since Feb. You have to be strong. Some birth parents can work your nerves more than the kids.

[hotspice58]

I'm in New York; Long Island; Suffolk County.

[deidra_mitchell00]

Hi Kathy I am in Erie. We started the process in Dec 2004. We sarted the classes in September of 2005 I think. But we were really slow at getting the process going. Laziness I guess
But after we started,the classes are 10 weeks long and were awesome. I have taken care of children for a long time and have a back ground in Early childhood and I still got a ton out of it. It is hard work. I am assuming that it is alot of the same info. You definately get to know your spouse alot more or at least we did because they want to know your whole life story. I suggest taking the classes and then deciding, because they walk you through it. You can choose your age, sex, race. how many, siblings or not. We are certified for a sibling group of any race under the age of 5. We are young so we didn't want to foster children that we weren't old enough to have ourselves. So we finished our Classes in Dec, our home study was finished mid January and then went up for review by the board on Feb 12 which was a Monday and by Friday we had our first call. We have an amazing Home finder that I think rushed our case along and she also helps place the kids when they get calls from CPS so I think she moved us right along. It is such rush when you get that first call. I truely recommend it. It is like being on an emotional rollar coaster all the time, but you are making an impact on the lives of children. Let me know what you decide. I would love to keep in touch.
Dee

[kathyandmark]

Deidre, I would love to keep in touch and compare notes. I know there is a way to send private messages but can find it. Maybe you can send me a message so we can exchange e-mail addresses? thanks, Kathy

[merrymissy]

We are also in New York (Chemung County). You have replied to my earlier post, and so I know that we have similar feelings on these children we are fostering. Although, I have yet to really feel like any child was meant for our family. I can imagine that when I do have those feelings things like court will be nerve-racking. Good luck to you with this little one. But no matter what happens know that you have made a world of difference in these children's lives and that they may never have that again. And know that somewhere out there is a child(ren) for your family. One thing that I have always tried to remember is that I never want these children to be removed and traumatized just so that they can come to me. I know that is inevitable, but I never want to wish for it. Thanks for your hard work, and keep us posted!