[bjhv5]

Well we go to TPR trial on friday for J.Well we have been given a NEW GAL who seems to think she needs to force these relatives to come up.We now have an aunt who no one has ever heard of or seen in the last 15 months J has been in care(with us for 14 of these months) is now saying she want the children(J has a little sister who is in another home who wants to adopt her) Where has she been at all these months?? Why did she not come forward before now?
Our CW is going to make J's heart condition sound as bad as possible because she knows if this person gets the kids they will end back up with bmom and dad.She said in the end it is up to her ,the agency and the judge where they end up.She wants them to stay where they are.
Has any one ever been choosen over a relative?I know she would have to pass the home study,background check etc.and so far no one in these families are "okay".
The CW is also going to tell her that she HAS to adopt them not just have them placed with her and that nothing will be done until after the TPR.
I am so upset we love him so much he is such a part of our family.
Please pray she backs out!!!!

[Hadley2]

It sounds like a very distressing situation for you. It may not be nearly as dire a situation as you imagine, however. Please consider asking the cw and/or GAL for a team meeting (foster parents, relatives, GAL, cw, parents if appropriate) to discuss the needs/best interest of the child. It may well be that on meeting you and hearing how well the child is doing, the aunt may decide to leave well enough alone. If you are able to avoid a hostile, adversarial attitude and instead approach the situation with a friendly, collaborative spirit, you can do a lot toward furthering that outcome.

You may also think about asking the cw to give the aunt a way to get to know more about the child and the child's placement with you from you in a friendly, informal setting. Perhaps you could meet for lunch in a public place.

I hope the following points help you (and others in situations similar to yours) avoid building a judgmental wall of disapproval that gets in the way of what is best for the child:

(1) You acknowledge you have no idea why this relative has not been in the picture, so please don't assume she is some evil, uncaring, unfit person. If the parents are unstable, and they must be or the child wouldn't be in care, she may well have not had a clue where they were or what was happening until the GAL found her (something the agency should have done long ago had they followed federal guidelines). The agency may also have played an active role in keeping her out of the picture until now--anti-relative bias, especially if there are interstate issues--is quite common.

(2) You don't know what has been said to her re the child's current situation; she may have no idea that the child is already well established in a potential forever home.

(3) She has been contacted by a GAL and asked if she would take this relative in--at the least, the GAL has presented this to her as a need of the child's to grow up with family if possible and as a familial duty of hers, so if she is considering it, it is more likely than not for those kinds of reasons, not to be arrogant or proprietary.

(4) Guilt and obligation can sometimes overwhelm other considerations; if you are able to affirm that she is acting responsibly by considering doing this and that it would be a loving, family-based act on her part to take an objective look at the child's situation, you could probably do a lot to ease her anxiety and redirect her sense of duty from taking the child in to blessing the child's placement with you.

(5) If this came out of the blue, she most likely needs a little time and friendly education to come up to speed and understand the implications of the longevity and stability of the child's placement with you, the effect of another move, etc., etc.

[MPJJJ]

I agree with the past poster. It could very well be that because the birth parents are unhealthy, she has cut herself off from them and simply did not know they had a child until the social worker found her. In my situation, I cut myself off from my sister 2 years ago because she is a toxic person and will never change. I did not know she had given birth to my niece until my niece was over 6 weeks old and a friend found out. No social worker had ever contacted anyone in our biological family. No attempt was ever made to find anyone, even though several family members would have been easily 'found' considering they had inquired about my first niece who was TPR years ago, and all the addresses and phone numbers had remained the same! The social worker automatically assumed that we were just like them, we were not given kinship care and recieved a scathing homestudy full of inaccuracies (which she has since admitted to someone else that she was overly harsh and shouldnt have written that) and just recently have we been given visits with our niece. So please dont assume that this aunt who 'popped up' is just like bioparents and just didnt care enough to inquire sooner. She probably just didn't know, especially if she had cut ties with the birth parents.

[HOPEFULINPA]

I know how scary this can be. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[bumpkin]

I am so sorry, how frightening for you.

Would you be up for some sort of visitation with the Aunt? maybe if she knew that she could still see them 2X a year or send letters or cards or something she would reconsider???

I will keep you in my prayers. It seems hard to believe that no one in the family knew that these children were in care. Here they make every effort to communicate with relatives.

[locoenlacabeza]

I know how stressful and scary this is. We were chosen over the relative placement that was found. Similar situation, they came in like a night and shining armour after 15 months of the kids being in our home. The judge literally asked them where they had been for the last 15 months- they didn't have much to say about that.
Just keep the faith that your little one will remain in the best home possible. Its tough, but stay strong!

[bjhv5]

Thank everyone.I know that the CW did ask the bparents in the begining about relatives and this one was not given for her to contact.
I also know that the CW wants the kids left where they arebecause of how goos they have done.So I will just pray and have faith that HIS will be done!


I want to take pix into court on friday I just cant decide if I should do his album or just loose pix? what would yall suggest?

[twinflana]

Just Keep the faith Deb and dont worry about the GAL (I know easier said then done) I really do believe that you will win over an aunt who wasnt in the picture for 15 months.

[Chancey]

I know this is a little harsh and will not affect the case, but keep in mind that if the GAL is an attorney you can make a complaint to the state bar. Additionally, you can hire your own attorney and have standing in the court because you have had the kids for so long.

[foster2adoptmomma]

no one has mentioned INTERVENING for this child. In TX if you have the child one year, you have the right to intervene and ask the judge to go ahead and award you custody. Talk to an attorney who specializes in family law/CPS cases and see if they can help.

[GingerR]

So sorry to hear you have to worry about this! Hopefully your judge is one who "gets" how important you are to your fc and will make the decision that's in the CHILD's best interest. Thoughts and prayers... please keep us updated.

[wish41more]

Oh Deb! I'm so sorry! You've had him for 14 months though? If so, I believe YOU have rights also. When G's bio grandfather threatened to fight for him a couple months ago we were ready to hire an attorny. Hopefully it wont come to that and I know the thought of losing him is unbearable but try not to get too upset, atleast until you know more.
Saying prayers for you!

[marthavmommy]

My input is probably too late due to the late hour, but I wanted you to know you are in my prayers. (I vote for an album - it will be pretty simple to slip the photos in the pages and will be much more impressive IMO)


If you need help with that I would be glad to come by in the morning. What time is court?

Martha