[kimcota0729]

Hi everybody,

I need some guidance. I am a relative foster mom to 3 precious children. Right now the state has legal custody and I have physical custody. What is the process for me to adopt these children if the birth mother doesnt volunterily surrender rights? Thanks for any help. Kim

[DianeScraps]

Hi Kim and Welcome!

If the birth mother does not voluntarily relinquish rights the social workers will give her a caseplan, the caseworkers will work with her and if she doesn't meet the terms of the caseplan eventually they will go to court and request termination of rights, and the parents have the right to appeal the termination of rights.

Then the caseworkers will work through the adoption.

Diane

[Hadley2]

Welcome, Kim! I, too, am a relative foster mom. There is a relative board, but if you've checked it, you'll see it is not very active.

It sounds as if no one has explained very much of anything to you so good for you to go looking for help. First thing--get a foster license and learn as much as you can about the system. This will open many doors for your children and you to services and assistance that might not otherwise be offered as well as the opportunity to foster to adopt.

Just because your relatives' children have been removed does not mean that return is not in the picture. Reunification is almost always the primary goal. If it is in your case, you are supposed to be "supportive" of that. Doesn't mean you can't have a different opinion. Mostly it means that you are supposed to not directly influence the children and that you must make them available for visitation at the request of the agency, not sabotage the parents' efforts to comply with the case plan, etc., stuff like that. In other words, not get in the way of their progress or lack of progress.

Understand that the same SS agency has several different kinds of workers with different missions. Licensing workers educate, check out and license foster parents and usually want them--relatives or not--to know and understand the system as well as possible. Getting licensed doesn't mean you are obligated to take on other children. Most states will allow you to license even if you are only doing so to foster your relative. And remember--You are just as worthy as anyone else in these classes!

Child protective workers (usually called CPS) are charged with protecting children, first and foremost, and go in for the investigations, removals and the criminal/civil convictions/findings. Unless you were a witness to the conditions/incidents leading to the removal, you probably won't have much to with them.

Caseworkers follow policies that usually state that the best interest of the child is paramount, but except for certain circumstances (which can be a little different for each state), that is usually presumed to be reunification. Caseworkers usually have a "whole family" mission, providing services to both parents and kids and supporting reunification. If RU seems problematic from the get-go, there may often be a "concurrent" (at the same time) plan to place the kids permanently in an adoptive home and that goal will get worked at the same time.

For relatives, this can be tricky because a few states and agencies will expect you to take the child without freeing them for adoption, creating a host of problems and huge expense for the relative. This has been our experience and it is not fun.

There are A LOT of benefits to fostering to adopt vs. guardianship vs. legal custody (a real losing proprosition for both the child and you). For young kids (under 15 or so), the differences are really important. Learn about the differences in terms of permanency and legal protection for the child and you (against parents' legal challenges), services needed now and that might be needed later (even if they seem cute and fine now, your kids are probably at risk for some tricky stuff in the future) and the emotional and psychological benefits of adoption.

The sad fact is that although the law appears to favor relatives in some aspects, in the real world, a lot of state agencies treat family as much lesser beings and try to pass responsibilities and liabilities off to them that would never be forced on unrelated foster parents. From dealing with the parents directly to supervising visits to eventually taking on the parents' legal challenges and the child's special needs alone.

It may sound paranoid, but to some extent, I think some of them actually seem to prey on a family's love and sense of duty to close their foster care cases as quickly and cheaply as possible. At least, that has been our sad experience so far.

Education in the foster care and adoption system--how your state's organized, your state laws and agency policies and the federal laws and regs your state follows, your local agency's attitude and more--and the collaborative spirit that would more likely develop with your local agency if you license through them are your best bets for avoiding some big missteps.

I'd suggest starting here: http://www.ocfs.state.ny.us/main/fostercare/ and also checking out your state code online. Good luck and God bless you for having the heart to care for three children.

[Hadley2]

The GAL and/or CASA is the ONLY party to the case who is supposed to only advocate for the child's best interest. This person often has great sway with the court and is key to the kids' future.