[stevenstwin]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm really new to the system, and I've occasionally been SHOCKED by how negative some of you are about the system. Well, let me tell you, I'm not shocked any more!

1. Some of you may remember my saga about getting my 15 year old fs into counselling - how Child Welfare gave me the big run around about who they'd actually approve and pay for, and then me convincing HIM. I got NO help in any way from Child Welfare. So I did it, and he's just beginning to trust "Shelley" a little - she's seen him 4 times now...and yesterday she gets a SUBPOENA to testify at the TPR trial!!! And foolish me - I get all my legal knowledge from Law & Order, so I said "doesn't that fall under doctor/patient privilege?"(or whatever they call it). Apparently NOT. She can be asked to repeat virtually anything he has said to her. So she had to tell him yesterday that she will NOT be asking him any questions or discussing his family issues with him until after the trial. If he were to tell her ANYTHING - even just that sometimes he doesn't get along with his stepmom or whatever - she might have to testify to that in court. She's afraid that he would see that as a betrayal and never trust her again. (and likely that would mean a refusal to do ANY counselling). So basically, she feels like she was "set up". They're more worried about building their case (which is already plenty strong) and willing to sacrifice this boy's NEED for counselling to get him through this experience.
2.They've also informed us that he is going to here some pretty ugly stuff FOR THE FIRST TIME in court. Nice thing to do to anyone, let alone a child with an anxiety disorder. Eg - "oh, you know when you were in the residential home for a year when you were 9, and your dad only came to visit you 3 times? Well, he's always told you that he showed up every week and Child Welfare wouldn't let him see you. Actually, he never came and was practically forced to the 3 times he did show up." YES he needs to know that, but he needs to hear it where he can react and grieve, and not in a courtroom in front of everyone. But they can't tell him ahead of time, because they don't want his dad finding out any details of the case they have against him. So yes, it may be necessary, but it still seems very cruel.

3. And the last bit of cruelty is that they've also told us they're going to bring up the abuse committed by his mom, who has been dead for 8 years. They can't really explain WHY that is relevant to this trial, since this one is about if the aunt and uncle(who he calls dad) are fit to parent, but that's going to devastate him too.

4. Perhaps worst of all, SO many people have been subpoenad, and he's going to have to sit there while ALL of them hear such painful stuff about his life. I can't imagine the humiliation of that experience.

Most of this is probably the "necessary evils" of the whole termination bit, but the one I'm FURIOUS about is the subpoena to the counsellor.

[Darci]

I'm sorry, I don't know much about the specifics of your case -- heck, I can barely keep my own life straight. But, are you sure your FS has to be in court? Our kids were never required to be at the TPR hearing. If he does have to be there to testify or something, perhaps see if he can be allowed to sit outside of the courtroom during the times when he is not testifying.

Sorry I can't be more help...I just wanted to throw out those ideas.

[stevenstwin]

Unfortunately, he will be there for the whole things, since he is opposing the TPR. Since he is 15, he is allowed to do that and has his own lawyer. He "wants" to go home, and has a right to be in the court for the whole procedure, and of course won't agree to miss any of it.

[mom2GRLC]

Unfortunatley, the reality of his case is that he probably shouldn't go home. I know you say he wants to...but he does deserve to know the truth about his history and also to know that what was done to him was not right. He may not see that now or may justify it. But for him to really understand why his parents rights are being terminated he needs to know the truth. I agree he will likely need a lot of counceling after court, and really that is when he will need it the most so it probably is good his councelor told him those things, so he can trust her after court for him to share his feelings. Plus after court she will certinaly know all of the details of his case and probably be in a better position to help him...knowing so much of his history.

It seems so unfair that a young man should have to go through all this....but if his parents were that unable to care for him then yes it is a necessary evil. I know if i were his age I would certianly want to hear EVERYTHING!!! It may not be stuff I WANT to hear but things I would NEED to hear to understand everything and find acceptance in what ever decision was made. I'd also want to make sure "I" had a voice in things. Since it would have been my life they were all talking over. So very sad.....I wish you all the best.

[hotspice58]

Wow!! First, are you sure the therapist has to testify? The therapist for my kids always tell me their sessions are confidential. As far as the birth parents, I'll say a prayer for you and your fs. You're going to need it!

[stevenstwin]

Thanks - a bit more detail: YEP, she has to testify. Here is the way the law works (here, anyway). There'd be confidentiallity if HE was the one on trial - but since it is the PARENTS on trial, anything he has said, or any feeling she even has about how he is doing is fair and admissable. Probably not very USEFUL, since she's only known him for a month, but admissable. It legally doesn't betray HIM, but of course that is how it would feel since he is fighting to go home. As for the stuff he's going to here - I absolutely agree that he needs to. In the long run, it will help him understand the reasons for the TPR a whole lot better - but I just wish he could hear it in private before having it on display in a court room. I'm still hanging onto the hope that I don't have to say anything in court that he will feel is a betrayal, because he is sure going to need me after it is all over!
ps - insensitve comment of the day. Several co-workers (they all teach him and know the basics of his situation - opposing the TPR) have said to me "Why doesn't he want to stay with you? Doesn't he like you guys?" I explain patiently, over and over, that he loves us and very much wants to stay with us - but that it is his SECOND choice, and that it is very normal for kids to want to go home, blah...blah...blah. Some have even said "Well, if he wants to go home, and the parents want him back, why don't they just LET him go home?" (because he's being abused and neglected, you morons!)

[swanzie]

Stevenstwins,

Sorry to hear this. I guess it must be different in different states. I was told that what was said to the therapist is confidential unless some "marker" was given prior to their conversation letting the person know what he/she may say may or may not be used in court. When our psyc test was done on the mother the therapist didn't give her those "warnings" so the whole report was not allowed into testimony....VERY STRANGE how things work. I would check with the childs attorney or the DSS attorney and see if this holds true in your state...it may and this is all a misunderstanding. - fingers crossed- for you! It did end up being a non-issue in our case, as the biomom handed her copy of the report over to the CASA worker who included it in her report to the judge. I guess our CASA worker also had the smarts enough to even get a signed release!! Thanks to that CASA worker our case went in our childrens favor (might not seem it from the childrens point of view) but looking at the whole picture it really is what is best for the children.

Good luck!