[stevenstwin]

I don't mean to be mean, but I'm sure you've all heard some irritating comments from people who just don't "get it". Better to vent here than at the poor person making the comment, LOL!
I've had a few, but here is today's - my foster son is 15, and we are in the process of TPR due to extreme emotional abuse and neglect. Both he and bios are fighting for him to go home, but it isn't likely to happen. My colleagues know the basics, as they teach him. One just said to me today "I don't get it. If he WANTS to go home, why don't they just LET him go home? He's 15 and old enough to make up his mind. After all, there can't "really" be any abuse, or he wouldn't want to go home so bad!" (on a related note, another colleage, upon hearing that he'd been aprehended for the 15th time (back in October), said "What did he do to get himself kicked out all those times?"
GRR.

[hubbyswife]

When I was telling this person that I was going nuts b/c of FD (2yr) behavior and crying that particular day the person told me "well then give her back!"

Or the infamous, "I could never love them and then give them back"

Here are few more that just irked me:

"How do you give them back without getting attached?"

"What's this kid's story?"

"Now you'll know what real parents feel like, you guys are just temporary parents"

[AmyAnne]

"Where's his real mom?"

"Does he know how lucky he is?"

"What did he do that landed him in foster care"

"What's his story?"

My all time FAVORITE however, came from my Mom's boss. I sent her pictures after we met Austin who was 7 at the time and she was showing them around work. Her boss came up and she explained we were adopting. He looked at the picture of our 7 year old and said "So what are they naming him?"

[~*Max*~]

Originally Posted by hubbyswife

Or the infamous, "I could never love them and then give them back"

That one is SO insulting! As if loving less is a prerequisite to being a foster parent. Granted, I haven't fostered children yet, but I even got this line with the kittens. Being able to say goodbye does not necessarily mean that the depth of your love is compromised.

[stevenstwin]

I have a friend who has a great comeback for that one. Whenever she hears "I could never be a foster parent because I'd love them too much" she says "You're right. Only heartless B*tches like me are any good at it." I could never say that - but she says it sure shuts them up fast.

ps - Amy Anne - I'm not sure that's so far-fetched. I was reading another board, and there ARE people there who are changing names on children older than that! I personally wouldn't, but each to his own I guess. Do ya think my 15 year old foster son would put up with having his name changed? LOL

[TexasJingles]

Name changes happen all the time... our boys did and it was their choice (age 8 and 11). T just switched his 1st and middle names (he hated the nickname everyone called him with his old 1st name). J put his 1st name in the middle and picked a brand new 1st name. I think he thought it'd give him a new persona as well. Nope! C, our daughter only changed her middle name.

Actually, with their bfamily, it's in their best interest. They don't need to be found. You know it's bad when the judge reminds the lawyer about changing SS#'s!

Now for the comments... How about this one?

"What language do they speak?" or "What country are they from?"

It was from an old family friend that I don't see very often (about every 10 years? if that?), so I won't have to hear that one again... I HOPE!

[sgtfirstwife]

We don't have foster children yet (Certification Wed ) ), but we have a daughter that we adopted from Asia. Since my husband has blond hair and blue eyes, we get lots of comments.

Most I don't mind, but my favorite (or least) was an lady came up and in front of her asked me, "so where did you get her from" before I could answer my little one, said "God whispered in Mommy's ear and told her where to find me. Then I just grew and grew in Daddy's heart.
Ahhh I love my little one.

DH My hubby bubby
DD The princess
Soon to be mommy to two more

[TexasJingles]

Oh you reminded me of another. My brother is adopted from Korea. I don't know how it happened, but my brother (who is 100% Korean) has some facial features that are simular to our Dad. Sooooo... I was asked (when I was in High School!) ...

"Did your Dad mess around with a Korean woman when he was over there for the war?"

It's soooo funny! My Dad is not old enough to have fought in the Korean War. He fought in Vietnam!

[TNfostermom]

Our babies are pretty close in age, but don't really look anything like each other. Everyone always asks, "Are they twins?" I answer, "No, they are six months and one day apart." I wait for the confused look and then tell them they are foster children. Or I wait for them to say, "How did you do that," or "They must not be yours then." I just say they are ours for now.

When we had our last kids, a sibling set of three, we would have tons of people ask, "Are they all yours?" and we even had some people come up to us and congratulate us on our large family.

[momof2redheads]

My least favorite comment is "Are you ready to give them back yet?" Especailly when my FD behaviors get really out of whack!

[AmyAnne]

Austin was asked what country he was from by several neighborhood kids, who evidently had experience with knowing kids who were adopted internationally. He fluctuates between "The same one you were born in" "Right here" and giving the name of the county he was born in.

One of the most heartwarming ones I remember was his 7 year old friend asking "Austin, where's your real mom?" and Austin saying "She's right over there, talking to your Mom".

The other one I HAAAAAATE is:

"How could his mother do that to him?" (Not even knowing his background) Like she had a child for the express purpose of neglecting him.

[stevenstwin]

Oh, and hasn't anyone asked you if you do it for the money? I haven't had anyone direclty say that, but they will hint around with "that must help out with the bills" or "I guess that means you can quit your part time job." With a 15 year old that eats like a horse and has gained 2 shoe sizes and 30 pounds since we got him, I barely get enough to cover food and clothes, never mind all the other stuff I pay for!

[lakin11]

I have 3 who are 3,4, and 5. They are stair steps. The older two look similar, but everyone always ask if they are triplets. I just say close enough and smile.
What really bothers me is a fellow foster parent I know who has to announce to EVERYONE that the kids are foster kids (either hers or mine). I don't know why, but she just has to say "oh they are foster kids" or "I'm/She's a foster mom" I think she likes hearing people tell her how wonderful she is to be so kind and loving, etc. My kids are older, where as she only takes infants....I just wish she would remember they understand a lot more than hers do!

[Crane13]

" This is good practice for when you have your own kids."

[nvywife]

ive got a bad one. i had a doctor lecture me on how dangerouse it was to keep foster children because i have a bio-daughter. i get alot of that. like all foster kids are deranged perverts.