[Forever_family]

I got a call today for triplet infant baby boys. I had 5 minutes to decide. We have a very needy 16 month old foster baby who's plan is reunification, and our 2 dd's age 5 and 9 years. So.....talked to my dh who was okay, not thrilled and a little worried but he always says this and it is starting to drive me CRAZY-told me it was up to me. We talked it over and decided if we hire somebody to be with me when he is not home we can do this. Then I call my mom who tells me to absolutely go ahead she may fly out and help me if she can arrange it. I'm VERY excited as this may be going towards adoption and all other calls for placements were not.

Fast forward to a few hours later the SW's arrive with triplet babies my 2 dd's had just gotten home from school my husband (who is a vet) got called out on an ER, this is not uncommon for him. My friend was on her way to help me with the babies. THey were confused as to which baby was which. 2 were on medications for minor baby things so we needed to figure it out. My 16 month old just woke up from his nap. The SW's were trying to give me information and I didn't have any hands to write it down with.The 16 month old was screaming because he is scared of adults and the SW really scare him. I felt like a complete and total waste of space. I realized that there was no way we could do this and keep any kind of sanity. My friend arrived. We had 4 adults and that is how many people it took to feed and change and care for the 3 babies and 1 needy toddler. I realized in 10 minutes no way could I do this with just 2 people. I would need 3 with our needy toddler. Moving him is not an option. So I really ticked the SW's off, I'm sure of it. I told them there was no way I could do this. I know I should have said "no" in the first place! I'm sure they all LOVE me. Had to drag these little 5 lb babies all the way to my house, unload them...then drive them back and find a home for them at the END of the working day. I feel so crazy right now. Why did I think I could do this? Why did I say YES!?

I'm also so torn. I've been crying all night. I have waited years for a baby, here were 3 beautiful baby boys most likely going to be adopted and I said no. Our 16 month old is going home to his mom. I feel horrible. My dh (who I thought was neutral on this) feels just as bad as I do.

I just knew it wasn't right. It didn't feel good but I feel awful right now and I also know I ticked off all the SW's including the senior SW over home finding who told me "why didn't you just say "no" in the first place?" Tried to explain I thought we could hire somebody and it would work out...saw that with 4 adults it was difficult and didn't feel capable mentally/physically. I am feeling very embarrased....

[aunlanpo]

This was not your only chance. The baby that God has prepared in advance for you, and you for it, will come in His timing. We do the best we can, we make mistakes. You know your limitations, you really do. You know the needs of your family and how these babies would fit. This was like the first matching meeting, you know? There was no way at all for you to know until you met the babies. And you found out the truth. Pretending to do what you know you can not do would be a disaster. You made the right choice. Your baby will come at just the right time!


Aundrea

[jaenelle]

Would you have an option of only taking one or two of them rather than all three? I don't know much about fostering so I don't know if that would be an option.

[AwaitingBeloved]

Don't feel embarrassed. Look at it as an opportunity to find out what your limits are. Right now, triplets are pushing your limits. It's so okay that you didn't know that until they were in your home. Reading your post gave me anxiety.. and I wasn't there with all the extra pressure!!

It's okay, you're forever baby is going to find you. Just because you passed on these beautiful boys doesn't mean that your beauties won't find you. We had to pass on some matches, I know it's not quite the same, but we had a hard time not feeling conflicted about it.

You did the right thing. As soon as you realized you were in over your head, you told them. You didn't make the boys get attached and then send them to someone else. You did a great, difficult thing.

Hang in there.

[~*Max*~]

Chances are someone is going to be over the moon over those little guys. You did the right thing.

[swanzie]

I don't know what state your in - but I wish you could give them my name!

Anyway - I don't disagree with your decision. You did what was best for your family and what you felt was best. I also believe in fate - when the time is right you will know it.

I hope you don't beat yourself up to much over this. You recognized your limitations in advance and that should be commended.

[cheyenne1]

I'll take them

[Faith65]

Ok,

lets reason this out a bit clearer. In the state of CT a child in child care it is 4, children 8 week olds to 2 years with one care giver. At different levels and ages. Done that for years and it's very very hard and you usually have another staff or two that you can call on when you are over loaded and you are only with them for 6-8 hours at a time not 24 and only have them 5 days not 7 none stop. So, did you do the right thing passing up on them. Most likely!

Your beautiful baby will be in your arms one day. Don't feel guilty over this. Better now knowing yours and your family's limits than down the road or at 3 AM and you can't cope. Hugs to you!

[msdoie]

In Georgia, I was told we couldn't have more than 2 children under 2. We have a 15 month old and they called us about 5 month old twins... but later called back and said they couldn't do it because of the 2 under 2 rule. I was so disappointed! But thinking about it, it would have been so hard to take care of 3 little ones with just the two of us...

[aunlanpo]

By the way, the sw's get paid a wage to load up babies, take them over, load them up again, find new home at the end of the day. That's their job! You didn't DO anything to them. Your first responsibility is to your own family. I'm proud of you for being a great advocate for your family, when it went against your heart. THAT is a responsible parent!

[tabby]

I live in Georgia also. I have 11 month old twin boys and we still get calls for little ones. They even volunteer to bring a baby bed. I always say no because 2 little ones is all we can handle right now. Since we have had the twins I couldn't imagine having 3 at one time. It is really hard when they both need you at one time. It has its wonderful moments too. Don't beat yourself up. I agree with awaitingbeloved atleast you told them now and not after the boys got attached.

[yanknrebel]

I have a 4 year old daughter we adopted from foster care and a set of 2 year old boy/girl twins we are getting ready to adopt. I would LOVE to have been offered the triplets!!!! With having said that, right now I would have a hard time and may not be able to do it. At least notbe able to do it and feel like I am giving my 3 children I have now the attention they need and deserve. I specifically asked for multiples when we got into foster care. I have no doubt if the twins were already adopted, and age 3 or older, I would definitely take them. Right not though the ages of my three are just not right. I would be CRAZY!!

yanknrebel

[Nicole Elaine]

Don't be embarrassed! If you think it will help, explain to them that you are sorry (if you haven't already).

It may have inconvenienced them, but it's better than you realizing it's too much AFTER they left.

You'll get your baby someday! I know the feeling, I don't have any babies or even foster babies yet!