[smousekc]

Hi---I have to write and share an update. Husband and I got the call that our first two boys who we absolutely love R & E....will be moving to Grandma's for a kinship care this coming Friday.

I am ill. This is our first placement. And the work we have done has been so much for these boys. We even got R thru 1st grade even with 56 days missing. They specifically said he would not have made it had it not been for the home support. So we feel proud that we made a difference.

Grandma has been in jail several times {as the caseworker said to me....she is a good rule follower because of it} and has many other issues...including drugs, etc. but has passed the kinship study with her 3rd husband. DCS has said they have to attempt this even tho they are in a better home now. They also said this may not work and she will "be in for a ride" as they put it. So who knows.

So here we sit. Knowing that all of the things that they are doing now---preschool,sports,field trip day care, etc...will all stop since Grandma will not participate in them. It is heartbreaking.

The other two boys are doing well and we are in the middle of adoption---and I worry how sad they will be...since they will not be here to be there buddie--my heart is so full. How do you deal with letting go when you know it will be hard. Maybe some of you can give me some insight.

Hugs!

4 Foster Sons, Ages 5,6,7 & 9. Two are pending adoption

[smousekc]

Hi---I have to write and share an update. Husband and I got the call that our first two boys who we absolutely love R & E....will be moving to Grandma's for a kinship care this coming Friday.

I am ill. This is our first placement. And the work we have done has been so much for these boys. We even got R thru 1st grade even with 56 days missing. They specifically said he would not have made it had it not been for the home support. So we feel proud that we made a difference.

Grandma has been in jail several times {as the caseworker said to me....she is a good rule follower because of it} and has many other issues...including drugs, etc. but has passed the kinship study with her 3rd husband. DCS has said they have to attempt this even tho they are in a better home now. They also said this may not work and she will "be in for a ride" as they put it. So who knows.

So here we sit. Knowing that all of the things that they are doing now---preschool,sports,field trip day care, etc...will all stop since Grandma will not participate in them. It is heartbreaking.

The other two boys are doing well and we are in the middle of adoption---and I worry how sad they will be...since they will not be here to be there buddie--my heart is so full. How do you deal with letting go when you know it will be hard. Maybe some of you can give me some insight.

We have been told that they have to do this to go forward with TPR---but it is so sad. Heart is feeling the break for sure. Thanks for reading and listening.

Hugs!

4 Foster Sons, Ages 5,6,7 & 9. Two are pending adoption
1 Foster Daughter, age 7 2/06 and returned to kinship 4/06. Happy reunification.

[lakin11]

Thought I'd posted, but didn't see it.
My prayers are with all of you. I hope the boys are able to have a smooth transition and grandma really steps up to the plate this time!
Come here to cry and vent as often as you like!
Shannon

[bumpkin]

i too am so sorry for your loss. I will keep your family in my prayers.

[Faith65]

Lynn,

Could you suggest being the respite provider for the boys? I believe this would be a super thing for all of you. This way if gramma decides she can't manage the boys they will most likely come right back to you.

I wish there were words to help you through this lose. I know how hard this is. How are the 2 other boys doing? Are they transitioning into your home nicely?

Sorry, I haven't been able to post sooner. You have been on my mind.

[smousekc]

Thank you Shannon for your kind thoughts. I hope and pray that you are right as well about grandma.

Thank you again.

[smousekc]

Thank you so much---we truly appreciate your thoughts/prayers.

[smousekc]

Thank you Faith---we have shared with the caseworker that we would be open to phone calls from the boys and would like to include them in the lives of our other two boys that we are adopting. That is an excellant idea tho on respite care...I am going to state this for sure tomorrow to caseworker. Thank you.

Tonight we shared with them that they will be leaving this Friday--as per caseworker said tonight would be appropriate...I really expected that they would be happy. Instead they cried---both my husband and I were very strong...but when they started to cry...it is sooo hard.

R, 7 said I will "love you forever after Friday---he said "when I get old I am coming back home here". Soooooo soooo hard. Hanging in here.

Our other adopted to be sons also cried...so it's been a tough night. Have been packing as they are doing the first part of the move tomorrow during my lunch hour and then they will leave on Friday.

Tonight they had a visit with birthmother and she was not thrilled at all...and they reported to us that R,7 threw toys and broke 4-5 objects. Lot of anger....just praying that this can be seen and will bring it up to Caseworker tomorrow.

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!

[jigger]

Hi -

We have a similar situation. We have one FS who's been with us since February. We hope to adopt him and everyone with CPS and the State seems to think we should but we still have to go through the motions. Thank god we don't have unsupervised visits. He gets weekly supervised phone contact and one CPS supervised visit every two weeks. My frustration is that bio-mom does just enough to keep the process from moving forward. Currently, she is taking parenting classes and passing drug tests. BUT, we all know she's somehow faking the tests. When we called her on Mother's Day, she was obviously under the influence! I'm ready for the state to lose patience with her behaviour and lack of stability. The waiting is horrible and I go through periods when I'm convinced she will get him back. I think this process is just really hard. I don't have much advice on dealing with it but I wish the best for you and the kids and will keep my fingers crossed that everything works out.

[smousekc]

I can totally relate to how you feel---it is a nightmare roller coaster ride some days. And tonight was the hardest we have endured.

So somehow tonight I got the strength to hold it together for the kids and not totally loose it and cry--our hearts were just filled with pain letting them go {considering the situation}...R,foster son as he is getting into the car saying to me, "Don't ever forget me---cuz I won't ever ever ever forget you guys." or watching them both wave in the back seat of the car for 5 blocks as they drove away. {husband said that was the hardest thing he had ever seen} Heartbreaking--when we told them they were going on Wednesday--they burst into tears--so this was not a happy move for them as well. Ironically, they are actually living about a mile from our home. So they are very close to us.

Just before they left R, the oldest at 7, insisted that I give him our phone number and I did--we had given it to the caseworker as well....well they were gone no more then 10 minutes TOPS and the phone rang....."I just wanted you to know that I got to grandma's safe---and our house is really close to grandma's so I can walk home if I have too." Well we said you can't do that....and he said ok. Then he paused and he said, "well if I need to I will." Had to sort of laugh to myself on that one--he is a stubborn one and won't be taking things lightly anymore. Which is good!!!!

Grandma came on the phone and said thank you {honestly admit I was shocked} about 6 times for treating her grandchildren so well and that any time, any day we want to talk to them, visit them or take them over night---it is totally fine with her and their family. So there was a little sigh of relief with that statement to know that they will not be cut off from us completely.

And now we wait--hearts are full tonight.

Sending you good luck to weather the craziness---it has been a whirlwind here...and thank GOD we have two that we can adopt now--this would have been devastating otherwise. We will just pray that what is supposed to be will be.

Hang in there. Lynn

[Howdy]

That sure is hard, hope the relations with the grandmother stay good. When my fd was moved to her grandmother's at first the g'ma was friendly. But she didn't understand the child's needs and as their relationship deteriorated, she became less friendly to me. But when the placement failed and the child came back to me for adoption, the g'ma got very friendly to me again, in order to stay in touch with her granddaughter.

About trying to hold it together...I read in a book that it is okay to cry in front of the children that are leaving, because it shows them that you really do love them. When my first fd was leaving, I only cried in the shower so she wouldn't know, but after I'd read the book saying it was good to cry, when my second fd left I cried, and I think it really did 'prove' to her that I loved her.

[smousekc]

Well it has been less then 24 hours since they have left...we have had two more phone calls from them asking if they can come home. And then finally grandma said can should come for a visit tomorrow/Sunday and can she drop them off. So they are coming for two hours tomorrow...how bizzare.

Not sure how to take this---she said that she threw away our number and he has it memorized. Soooo looks like she might be a bit fed up and not dealing with the demands of the kids. We are going to make it a short visit and center it on the children connecting.

Thank you all for letting me share.

PS: I have to admit...I was strong on saying goodbye but the kids saw me cry alot before they left...and you are right, that is why they are feeling the way they are now.

[smousekc]

:::BIG SIGH:::


Well we had the visit---and only R,7 came....Gary said that E,5was like he was in a fog and didn't even recognize him or speak. Keep in mind E, used to SQUEALLLED when Gary picked him up or from work....I didn't believe him. So I went with when we brought the boys home and sure enough....he was in another world. Like a zombie.

R was not himself...he was agitated and everything was upsetting to him. He wanted me to hold him and hug him and hang onto him. I tried to just hold him to make him feel good.

Both boys were in the same clothes that we put them in three days ago. They had not had their face or body washed either...Ray still had the gel in his hair from me spiking it. He had a small stain of koolaid when he left and it was still on his side of his mouth. And his socks were filthy and he was so embarrassed about it too. Also he said they have been eating bread--I said like sandwiches and he said no just bread. It was just heartbreaking.

Also husband got a tour of the house and it is super small for 8 people--total of 2 bedrooms and three mattresses....and it is filled with boxes. They have just moved in and NOTHING is unpacked. There is nothing but boxes and mattresses. Unbelieveable. So is this normal???? Would love to hear from anyone that has gone thru this.

I plan on making a call to the caseworker in the morning. Unbeliveable.

[sgtfirstwife]

Wow I would call the CW....no beds, no baths and the children are acting strange.

Things don't add up to me, but I am no expert. Aren't children suppose to have a bed of there own or is it different set of rules for kin? If so that is not right. Kind of like a double standard.


I will keep you in my prayers and the little ones too.

[smousekc]

Originally Posted by sgtfirstwife

Wow I would call the CW....no beds, no baths and the children are acting strange.

Things don't add up to me, but I am no expert. Aren't children suppose to have a bed of there own or is it different set of rules for kin? If so that is not right. Kind of like a double standard.


I will keep you in my prayers and the little ones too.

That is what I thought as well. And they are as if the moving truck just drove up to the house. When we returned him--the birthmom met us outside--which we found out that she now has unlimited access to them according to CW.

The youngest was just mentally not the same child. So will be calling tomorrow morning.

Just hard to understand why this would be good for them?

Thanks for listening.