[echobunny89]

I wanted to fill everyone in on a few problems I have had with C over the past few days. The main issue I am having right now is her total disregard for the curfews I have set for her when she goes out to visit her friends in the neighborhood. Twice since this past Sunday she had gone to visit a girlfriend who lives down the street and both times I have had to call her multiple times on her cell phone and basically threaten to call the police if she doesn't come home immediately. She has really lame excuses about why she didn't come home on time (Sunday's excuse for being 2 hours late was that all the clocks in her friends house were not telling the correct time - Please give me a break!) Yesterday she was full of excuses. The biggest one was that she dropped her cell phone in the woods and had to go looking for it. I asked her why she was in the woods to begin with and what woods? There are no "woods" around here! She obviously was not where she said she was going as we found garbage from Burger King in our outside trash barrels and she came home with some boy I had never seen before. She was supposed to be visiting a girlfriend but she was obviously out with this boy.


C has almost complete disregard for any rules I have set. One rule was that she not use her cell phone before 7pm because otherwise I get charged for overages. She rang up $100 in overage minutes last month after spending over 6000 minutes on the phone (often in the middle of the night when the house is sleeping according to my itemized bill) and she has continued to use the text message feature on the phone after I have repeatedly asked her not to use it because of the cost. Needless to say she has lost her cell phone as punishment for her no obeying curfew and because of the problems of her refusing to follow the rules to have the phone.

Another rule I set which isn't followed is the "shower every day whether you think you need it or not" rule. I don't understand how she can go 3 or more days without washing.

This past Sunday I found it odd that C was up and dressed at 10:30am when she usually sleeps in past noon. Of course I should I have know something was up because at 11am my doorbell rang and it was a boy she had been at a co-ed group home with and she knows she is not supposed to be around. C feigned complete ignorance saying that she had no idea this boy was coming over. Which I believe is complete bull. I am very angry that she gave this boy my address and that he showed up here on a Sunday morning unannounced. The staff at her previous group home could not tell me why I should not let this boy anywhere near C due to privacy issues but I got the point that it he has some major issues and that he shouldn't be around my girls.

Although I understand that C is going to be 17 and is not a small child I do not think she should be allowed to run wild. She is not making herself out to be a good example to her younger sisters especially when she has multiple boys showing up at my home within a few days or each other. I will admit that I do not have the patience for "boyfriends", and if C winds up pregnant, it will cause a major issue here that I don't think I will be able to deal with. My opinion is that she needs to make her education her top priority. I am not saying she can't have a boyfriend, I just think that recently she is taking it too far and is involved with way too many boys at the same time.


AAGGGHHHH the joys of fostering teen girls!

[daisydog137]

I feel for you! I'm a high school teacher and deal with 180 teenage darlings every day

I don't have any solutions for the curfew problem, other than rewarding her with something if she manages to come home on time for 2 weeks (and then reward for longer stretches)

I would cancel her cell phone number or make her purchase a track phone where she has to prepay her own minutes.

Best of luck - I have found that keeping a good sense of humor helps me keep my sanity!

[JDMonroe]

I have to say I am a very black and white person usually. One action eqauls a certain reaction or sets me up to be proactive. examples.

Overuse the cell phone = it's gone completely never to return unless you are paying for it yourself and it's in your name.

Company that's not supposed to be there = dorr closes before they are even through it. Good-bye this was not cleared with me and you may now return home.

Curfew not met = you don't leave the next day.

You leave anyways = I call the cops you have run away.


These are guarantees in my home. Not rules, no bending.

You(the person under 18 or still in Highschool) have complete control over these situations. If you are late then you have chosen to stay home the next night. If you are "always" late then you have chosen to stay home all the time.

I don't sweat it. They have made the choices not me.

[lostboys]

I agree with JD. She needs to feel the consequences of her actions. I foster Teen boys. I have 4 right now. They know the rules and They can either follow them or deal with the consequences. It is all about choices. Right now two of them have no weekday privledges at all until they make up all missing homework assignments. They are not happy about this, but they know if they want to have any privledges throught the week the work has to be done. I know that one of my boys has a problem with good decision making, so when he goes somewhere I always make sure he takes a cell phone and I take him where he is going and I pick him up at the designated place and time. I usually show up early just so he knows he has a good chance of getting caught if he tries to sneak around.

We also do spot checks on the boys. Not always, but once in a while we will just drop in wherever they are suppose to be. This way they never know when we will be popping in. I think it helps them with honosty and with decision making, just to know that we are holding them acountable.

[TraciB]

love & logic at its finest!!!
i have the same thought process...only i usually give 1 chance to "screw up"....

Originally Posted by JDMonroe

I have to say I am a very black and white person usually. One action eqauls a certain reaction or sets me up to be proactive. examples.

Overuse the cell phone = it's gone completely never to return unless you are paying for it yourself and it's in your name.

Company that's not supposed to be there = dorr closes before they are even through it. Good-bye this was not cleared with me and you may now return home.

Curfew not met = you don't leave the next day.

You leave anyways = I call the cops you have run away.


These are guarantees in my home. Not rules, no bending.

You(the person under 18 or still in Highschool) have complete control over these situations. If you are late then you have chosen to stay home the next night. If you are "always" late then you have chosen to stay home all the time.

I don't sweat it. They have made the choices not me.