[roomformore]

Yesterday we took our two foster children for a visit. They are ages 2 and 1. Their mother has always been very rude to us-in fact the secretary once noticed it and informed our worker of how rude/hostile she was being with my husband and me. Well yesterday the mom complained yet again about us-which she does every week apparently. One week we got called aside-in front of them mind-and told birth parents didnt like J's haircut that they had given up permission to have done. Well yesterday we got pulled aside again in front of everyone and taken to a little room and our worker would not allow my own kids to be there which scared them. All this was about the mom saying I wont tell her what is going on with her kids!!!! I have not been super forthcoming because everytime I tried to talk to her she is hostile. I mean she could have asked me how they were doing. She wont even speak to me. So the worker has the gall to say this is like a couple of teenage girls and that we have a personality conflict!!!! I am just so steamed. For one she should be more diplomatic and not pull us away to question/chew us out where the mom can see it and gloat. That is exactly what she wants is to make trouble for us. She is doing the same thing with her own mom who has one of her other kids. And I REALLY resent our worker listening to the moms garbage and accusing me of being immature or having a personality conflict. I tried to be friendly with their mom and in fact every week we eat out during the visit with the grandma-hostile kids own mother who has another sibling. I mean shouldnt our worker be in our corner on this stuff? I am going to call her and say if she has something to tell us do it by phone-dont pull us aside in front on the mom so she can gloat. This worker is totally being played by mom. This mom knew for six months her kids could get taken and they were taken for bad neglect and abuse. Every week it is some new problem for us. I am so sick of it. These two are like a full time job and I am proud of the job I am doing with them and how they have blossomed. I did talk to the mom yesterday after being chewed out but have tried before and been rebuffed-the mom was only nice because the worker was there. Which she usually isnt because we usually have contact with the mom in a waiting room waiting for our worker. I have never had to deal with a hostile mom before and the worker makes it ten times worse. Any suggestions?

[kikibrando]

Call her supervisor or your placement worker. Tactfully explain what's happening and asked that if be handled through the "chain of command."

We had a similar issue with our social worker in the beginning. She actually chewed me out like a 3-year-old in the hallway. I wasn't about to tolerate this, but I didn't cause a scene. I was worried I'd say something out of anger.

Please state to whomever you speak with that foster parents are one of the most valuable resources the department has and you expect to be treated with the same kindness, respect, and professionalism demanded of us. At the end of the day, the social workers go home. We deal with the fall out 24/7 and shouldn't be treated this way. Honestly, I think sometimes the biological parents are handled with kids gloves and we get the shaft.

If you state has a foster parent bill of rights, reinterate this to the supervisor. Tell them you have invested a great deal in training. Remind this person at training, we were told we were a part of "a team." Do be sure to state you are not seeking confrontation, but you felt offended by the treatment received by this worker. At the end of the day, the social workers are reps for the county. If you get nowhere with this, inform the supervisor you will politely address this with the "chain of command" and sent the next person up a letter. If that doesn't work, keep working up until you find someone that will listen.

My bet is you'll be getting an apology after making the first call and the social worker will not do this again. However, if it does, you can always make [/i]her[i] arrange transport to visitations, doctor's visits, etc., or do it herself. That is part of her job description.

[hubbyswife]

just wanted to send hugs your way!

[swanzie]

I just need to send hugs your way also!

I would do just about everything kiki said except I wouldn't even bother with the cw supervisor - I'd go the the supervisors supervisor since this has been an on going issue and the secretary even reported it.

I would definately throw the ball back into the sw's court and have them do all the running around with the kids. If I wasn't appreciated - heck no would I go out of my way to help out this lady - you are doing her job and she is getting paid for it. I'd e-mail my sw, the kids sw and the supervisor and the supervisor's supervisor with everything you don't like. I had a councelor coming to the house to work with the kids...more like play with the kids on a weekly basis. She wouldn't listen to any issues that the kids were having and would totally be rude to me and my family members...and then have the gall to say - your fd is having bad dreams because your feeding her to late. We eat dinner at 6 everynight as a family! Anyway - one day I had enough and showed her the door. She called DSS and complained about me - I had every social worker in the place calling me and visiting me and e-mailing me on how I had to work with this lady. I told them all - this is my house and I won't be disrespected in it by anyone...guess what I got a new councelor for the kids! (A better one at that!)

The bio's just want to be able to control something...even if they can't control their own life. Try not to take it personally! Easier said then done - that is why I recommend taking yourself out of these visits if at all possible.

Good luck!

[Trinasmom]

I agree with letting the sw take the kids to their visits. Why subject yourself to bio mom's hostile environment? I would call the sw supervisor and let them know what is going one before going directly to the top. If you get no where there then work your way up the ladder. Foster parents are valuable to them. They need us, and they know it.

[leastofthese]

Please DO NOT let the social worker transport the kids to their visit! By doing this, you're not punishing the worker, you're punishing the child!

The children do not deserve to be jerked around and shuffled between people like some unwanted toy.

Just because this person is the child's social worker doesn't mean the child is comfortable with them, or that the social worker knows how to interpret and meet the child's needs.

Yes, I agree, speak with the case worker and reiterate that you are a member of the service team, not a client, and that you expect to be treated as a professional equal. But don't do anything that changes things for the child. They've had enough upheaval without wondering where YOU went. Everyone else has let them down! Don't YOU do it!!!