[sunnyandi13]

Hey friends -
I have a serious question and I only hope I don't get flamed for it...

Before I even start, let me state that I have lost over 100 lbs in the past and have kept it off for more than five years. That being said, I've got a foster son right now that is overweight, well, honestly, it would be considered clinically obese.

This young man is only 13, 5'9" and weighs over 250 lbs. I know that teenagers, particularly boys, are eating machines, but this child is about to eat me out of house and home. He constantly says he's hungry, but I'm feeding him three meals a day (he usually takes double or triple portions of all dishes) and allowing him healthy snacks no more than twice a day. My husband and I are concerned about his health... carrying that much weight so young in life just sets him up for so many problems later - diabetes, heart disease, joint deterioration.

Having been heavy most of my life, I completely understand his emotional eating at times and I've tried to offer healthy snacks (fruits, applesauce and sugar free jellos) instead of junk and I make nutritious, balanced meals. How can I help this young man? I know from experience what a touchy subject weight is...

I've even tried sharing my story with him to see if it sparked discussion - nothing. He is happy, seems to be relatively healthy, but I am so concerned for his future. How can I help this young man? He is a really good kid, bright, funny, helpful - just a real treat considering he's in foster care. Any advice for me? Or just keep offering healthy choices and restrict excessive snacking?

Help?! I don't want him to start feeling bad about himself, but I also don't want to contribute to him becoming diabetic later in life? Anyone have any experiences / wisdom to share?

Thanks,
Andrea

[kikibrando]

You won't be flamed. You care for this young, that's obvious. I think your doing the right thing. Perhaps discussing it with his doctor and getting that opinion, then having the physician speak to him.

We are dealing with similar issues in our home. Both my husband and I are overweight. Mine is a result of a sedenary lifestyle following a back fracture. Recently, we resolved to "get healthy" by changing our lifestyles gradually.

We took televisions out of the bedrooms. We joined the YMCA instead of going out to eat all the time. We are restricting television, getting organized, and spending more time with our kids. We are focusing on portion sizes and healthy snacks instead of allowing the kids to eat what they want.

Everything your doing is right on. Is there a way to encourage this young man into going to the gym? Maybe introduce him to weight lifting? Kickboxing? Karate? These are things we are doing with our kids.

[stevenstwin]

Looking for some answers to that myself! My foster son is somewhat overweight and KNOWS it, but doesn't seem very motivated to do much more than complain. He's been saying he's 5'10" and 180 pounds - but we just weighed and measured him yesterday and he's 5'11" and 210 pounds! On the one hand, he's not making any changes - on the other hand he's given himself a goal weight of 150 pounds, even though I've TOLD him there definitely isn't room for 60 pounds to come off his frame. He's still headed upwards! Unfortunately, he has issues both with past food deprivation, and now with TERRIBLE eating habits and a real "junk food" habit. That's hard to break at the age of 15, and he thinks my family is a bunch of insane health -food junkies (which would really make you laugh if you knew us - my girls are fit and healthy with good eating habits since we've made it a point to encourage that since they were born - but both DH and I are overweight and out of shape).

[AmyAnne]

My advice would be Weight Watchers. They teach you healthy eating habits for life, and you can have things like McDonald's or whatever still.

[sunnyandi13]

Thanks for understanding, everyone. I really am fond of this kid - he and his brother were emergency foster only placements so it's not like I'm going to have a huge influence in his life, probably only a few weeks to couple of months. Being the type of situation that it is, I don't have access to any medical records, etc. and knowing the family background, I honestly doubt the child has seen a doctor since his immunizations!

I've been trying to introduce more exercise in all our routines. In fact, Sunday we actually went out and kicked the soccer ball around with his little brother for several hours. I'm constantly on the look-out now for activities that will get us out of the house (away from the video games) and promote some gentle excercise (going to the park, taking little bro to the zoo).

Weight Watchers is a good idea to consider, but how do you introduce that to someone who doesn't seem to mind being heavy and might be made self-conscious by pointing it out in that manner? My heart goes out to him, knowing firsthand what can come down the road. I think about the best I can hope to do is give him healthy food choices, encourage exercise and model moderation and physical activities for him. He's asked for chores to earn extra pocket money, so I've had him helping me with all kinds of physical things, like washing the cars, raking the lawn, etc.

Thanks for understanding that I truly am concerned for his future and helping him realize his greatest potential in the midst of his world getting turned upside down!

[hotspice58]

Does he have a bike? Or does he do anything physical?

[Gryph]

mypyramid.gov is a great site. Play around with it and you'll find where you can track what he eats, over days, weeks, months... You have to sign in with a password. It has buttons that will compare what you eat with the recommended. It will also recommend how to adjust your diet.

In this particular case, as you describe it, I would worry about a possible obsessive compulsive eating disorder. Activities are healthy and keep him away from snacks. Watch for stealing and hording food. Report what you see and do to the agency. The results from the web site will help convince the agency of the severity of the problem.

[swanzie]

Ok I have been posting alot lately - and thought I would calm down - but I had to give my 2 cents on this subject.

First let me say I am over weight. I have never had a problem with it until recently. (that isn't to say that my family and everyone else hasn't!) Anyway- my opinion on this is you can be psycially fit and be overweight. hard to believe huh - well I could out last, outplay out run most. I just happened to have more weight than the others. However, with that being said...in todays weight phobic world I would think that this would be an issue way down the list on yours or his concerns. Since this is an emergency placement - the most important thing is to make sure this kid feels safe. Show by modeling - and from what I read you are doing that!

But that would be the last subject I touched with him upfront since it really is the least of his problems at the moment. If it turns out to be a long time situation with you - then I might start helping him out with food choices and stuff. But right now like I said his first concerns would be feeling safe in his new enviornment. Teenagers are VERY sensitive. and he is still growing. I know the wrong way in most peoples opinion. But I know in my family they boys always were really large until they were 16/17 and then all of a sudden the weight just dropped off of them and out emerged "men" - maybe it was the hormones - girls taking an interest - who knows - but it just happened.

I would definately keep him as active as you are. I would try to give him healthier choices. But I wouldn't really do anything more at this point unless he reaches out to you for help.

I think you are doing a great job getting him involved in extra activities. I think that this is the best thing that any parent can do without deminishing their self esteem - especially these fragile foster children.

Thanks for listening - hope this helps.

[sunnyandi13]

Y'all are great! I so appreciate your suggestions.

Swanzie - you're right that I don't want to make this a huge issue with him. He is confident, bright, articulate and polite - a really super kid considering everything. That's actually why I asked for suggestions. I don't bring it up to him in conversation, because I don't want to be the source of self-esteem issues. He has a girlfriend, is quite popular and like you said, the weight is likely to come off easier when he gets through puberty.

I've decided to just model healthy behaviour, severly limit the junk food, while providing healthier choices and encourage us all as a family to get outside and enjoy life. These are two great boys and I'm glad to say in this case that I fully support the reunification plan (though they are a real treat to have in my home). I think they feel pretty secure with us, as the little one slipped and called me "mom" this morning.

Thanks for listening and your support. That's why I enjoy these forums so much!

[JDMonroe]

One Last suggestion.

We had an overweight teen that would not even recognize her size. We'd be shopping for clothing she was a 15 or 16 and kept trying to get me to buy her size 8 or 10. No way! We started out allowing her to eat when hungry because that's how we eat. This did not work. Not only was she haording but binging as well. I used to love to cook big meals because then I could freeze half and not have to "cook" another night.

We wound up only cooking enough for each person to have 1 portion of each item served and serving it already plated. No leftovers no seconds available. Of course healthy snacks were available 1 after school and 1 before bed.

If she wasn't going to even acknowledge the problem(she gained 15 pounds in 30 days) or her actual size then no amount of discussion was going to help. So I eliminated the need for it.

[ca-bigsister]

Is your family a member of the YMCA? My FD and I am. The family price is about $60 a month and that includes all kinds of classes, from Dodge Ball to yoga and they even have special teen fitness classes. Swimming lessons are extra but there are swimming lanes and family swimming for free. Sports leagues and karate lessons are extra.

As a foster parent, you can add him to your membership. I would just say, "We're all going," and not give him a choice. That way, you're not criticizing him or making him feel like you're picking on him and his weight. It's just something the whole family does.

Let him do what he wants. He may just sit there the first few times. That's fine, but he'll probably join something. You can get the class schedule and ask him if there's a special time he'd like to go.

If you go two times a week, that would be great. There are pick-up basketball games where young men have very spirited games and a lot of fun. The funnest class, I think, is Dodgeball where VERY SOFT balls are thrown at people so it doesn't hurt but it's a lot of fun.

There are special teen weightlifting classes at my gym and even there are special teen hours where only teens can use certain equipment. My FD and I don't do that much together there - sometimes a yoga class, but it's a major hanging out place for her. She also became a YMCA Youth Leader and they have special meetings and plan parties, "lock in" overnight sleepovers, and stuff like that. They even have special summer counselor programs.