[kikibrando]

Baby S's court hearing was this morning. One of the things I hate about being a foster parent is sometimes having to occupy the same space with bios. S's mother is so volatile, and this morning was no exception. When I entered the corridor outside the courtroom, she was shooting me daggers. Her body language said, "Die b____, die!" That was uncomfortable enough. I'm pretty sure she was talking about me, which honestly made me squirm. Well, in the court room, I learned why. The mother's lawyer divulged in open court that S and her brother, Ben, are placed the same home. This was supposed to be confidential.

The mother's lawyer, Ms. A, has done this previously. The social worker confided DSS has had HUGE issues with this attorney divulging foster parents in court. Ugh!
Anyway, the secret is out. T, the mother, knows we have Ben (not his real name). Great! Well, I guess the positive thing is, I can go to Wal-mart with the kids now without worrying about bumping into her.

The hearing went longer than usual. Ms. A, mother's attorney, was bringing up all the "wonderful things" mother is doing. She has a job; wiping down tables at a fast food joint. She now has section 8 vouchers; but wants DSS to pay for a deposit on an apartment for her. The mother gets SSN disability, so with that and her job, you'd think she could come up with it on her own if she was doing so wonderfully. It annoys me the taxpaying public already supporting her cell phone, acrylic nails, and shopping habits should also be held liable for an apartment.

Ms. A asked the judge to remove "item 3#," the change of plan to adoption. The judge dissented and ordered concurrent planning. He allowed for the adoption plan, but also reunification and relative placement to be considered simultaneously. At least we got the adoption plan on the table!

The grandmother showed up this morning, requesting custody of S. From what I know of this case, this has been done before. When S first came into care, the grandparents came to court requesting custody. They have been denied multiple times because Ben and S's siblings are in their care, and have come in and out of foster care too many times. Fortunately, the judge ruled this out for the moment when S's social worker explained the grandparents had been ruled out for placement with S and Ben previously. What worries me, however, is in the last case, with Ben, the grandparents attempted to have a neighbor pose as a relative to gain custody of my son.

Again, the social worker won big praise, as she flatly told the judge DSS wouldn't consider placement with the maternal relatives. "Pappy's" been in and out of jail, and "Nanny" used to tie Ben and his brothers in the high chair for entire days because she couldn't handle them. Add to this, she has slapped a two-year-old across the face for "talking back." The grandmother has the same limitations the mother does.

Ugh, I feel like it wasn't the complete change of plan I prayed for, but at least it's on the docket. Ms. A made a big deal out of S being the "only female grandchild" to the judge.... what the heck does this matter? If it's going there, why not consider she's my first foster child too and the bonding to us? Then, she brought up the mother won't consider a second floor apartment because she's concerned her limitations will put the baby in danger. HELLO, McFly! To me, this just validates the mother's inability to keep the child safe!

Then the mother's advocate, Ms. F, rose and told the judge "how wonderfully" mother T is doing. Contary, she was telling the social worker in the hallway she didn't feel mother could handle it! I'm sitting there thinking, AM I THE ONLY SANE PERSON IN THIS ROOM WITH COMMON SENSE?

But in the end, I guess the judge gave the fairest ruling he could provide. He said that given the time S has been in care, he was required to order adoption planning. I just wish he'd thrown out the reunification and relative placement order. Ugh!

So, can the mother conceivably finish everything she has to do? They are moving for expedited hearing for TPR I think, not for sure. I'll call the lawyer next week, but I know the social worker is filing the guardianship papers today for S!

If I get my baby, I'm quitting this as soon as my other not-so-baby-babies' adoptions are done.

Whoosh, I need a beer.... too bad I don't drink!

[Faith65]

Glad to hear that at least TPR on the plan now! That is a big step. It sounds like the judge sees the bigger picture and remember he's job is to make sure all the T's are crassed and I's dotted this way no one can come back and say,"hey reopen this case because of x, y and z."

Keep the faith that the judge has in mind the best interrest of the child/children. Keep us posted and hugs your babies!

[hesabanana]

I feel like you and I live on the same planet, feeling like we are the only sane people involved in this process. We too are getting out of fostering when our kids' situations are resolved. The system is too sick, and it has me worn thin.

[bjhv5]

This is only our second year doing fostering and We too are sick of the CW's being so PRO parent and not caring about the kids.

I am sorry things did not go completley your way but you did get the TPR in there!!!

I feel almost as if you are talking about our case!! It is crazy.

Good Luck and God Bless

[kikibrando]

but I feel at this rate, if she makes any more "progress" the judge won't TPR her rights.

I don't get that DSS should give her an apartment. If she's getting SSDI, then she should be able to save for it herself. Why should it be at taxpayer's expense?

T destroyed the last apartment she had and it had to have expensive repairs. She got a grant for a school she didn't finish. That was also government money. Fortunately, she has to pay this back, although that will never happen.

I guess I'm not cut out to be part of the "social welfare" team. I'm not a big fan of hand-outs for those who continue to abuse and abuse the system. This is nothing more than that. If she got the baby back, she will simply resume her old lifestyle. I overheard the mother's advocate tell the social worker that T (mother) told her she "needs a man." I'm wagering it's not because she needs her oil changed, either.

[hesabanana]

Oil change, that's funny!

[hotspice58]

kikobrando, don't give up!!! I have great social and case workers!! They try to be as honest as they can be. Keep in mind that some bios do just enough to not TPR. That happened with the 2 I have now. There was abuse and neglect but bio mom either made promises to change or did just enough to keep the kids. Also, keep in mind that cw's and sw's can't read the minds of bio parents. Bio parent may sincerely want her kids but not be able to take care of them. Cw's have no way of knowing how it will turn out. Although if the kids are in the system more than 2 years, I think they should go to TPR.

[jackiesbooks]

Moving in the right direction! Good

[momofmykids]

Originally Posted by kikibrando

I'm sitting there thinking, AM I THE ONLY SANE PERSON IN THIS ROOM WITH COMMON SENSE?

Ummmm...yes.

Ya know, it never ceases to amaze me that these people have to have college educations to get these jobs. I think my 8 year old would be much more capable of doing it.

It's situations like this that causes DCS to lose good foster parents like you. They treat you like crap and expect you to keep coming back for more. If this were the bmom's first run-in with DCS, that would be one thing, but it sounds like she has a l-o-n-g history with them.

Oh, and I can't tell ya how THRILLED I am to know that MY tax dollars are paying to have her nails done!!! I'd love to have acrylics too, but don't have the time and don't want to waste my money. Hmmmm, wonder who I could give enough of a sob story to so I could get the taxpayers to pay for mine??

I'm SO with you on being over the handouts for her! The last two children we've had, the case plan stated clearly that parents had to have a job, and had to provide housing at THEIR expense. That's only fair...I pay MY mortgage payment. I think welfare is great for people who truly NEED it, but when people continually abuse it, it makes me sooo...

[twinflana]

I am glad you at least received a little bit of good news. But I agree mom should be able to show that she can provide for everything herself without having to ask for more handouts. I know there are good CW's but the bad ones or lazy ones make it hard for you to trust any of them.