[bjhv5]

Here is where we sit at( please dont think of me as a bad person) Most ofyou know we have a sib set of 4 - K we have had since 6-05 and S from the hospital 8-05 ,then F ((8) and N (3) since 2-06 we were told for almost the entire time that this would turn to TPR well now they are saying it will most likely be RU in the next few months ( we should know on Monday) Well we have a chance at a sib group of 3 (3yo boy,2 yo girl, newborn girl) that are going to TPR next month it shoud be over with and free for adoption but we can not get them placed with us until K,S,N,F are not here.As well as the fact the J's mom just had a baby that is going into care and will be free for adoption at the same time J is.

So do we (after monday) ask to have the other ones moved so we can get the children that we can adopt and start getting over loosing K& S or do should we just tuff it out and wait until they are RU??
I dont want to loose these guys We love them so much, but if I am going to have to anyway then should I go ahead and start moving on?
I know it sounds horrible and I feel so bad for even thinking it but I just dont know
Please dont be to hard on me I dont think I can handle to much fire!

[mj77]

Deb, I don't think you're horrible. You are in a tough place and asking a real question. I would find out is RU for sure? If so, are these kids that you are wanting to pursue FOR SURE going to go to your home if the others are going for RU? If this is the case, and you feel peace, then I would go for it. Otherwise, I would question the risk of having none of these children with you if you can't get the sib group.

Best to you,
MJ

[twinflana]

I am so sorry to hear this I know how excited you were last week when you thought they were being TPR'd. Have you talked to the caseworker since Monday? Is that why you think they are being RU?

I honestly dont know what to tell you I know how much you love those children, I would be afraid that I would give them up and then it turns out that they were TPR'd. I know how much you want to adopt and dont you think that if you pass on this other sib group there will be another one down the road?

Of course if it was me I am always the type to make snap decisions and not think things through I would try to get the other sib group but it is not me and I have not lived with these children as you have.

Maybe you could call the caseworker and tell her that you are thinking about giving them up because you want to be able to adopt and you were told that they were being ru, maybe she will give you a straight answer then.

i know i havent been any help, my prayers are with you. If you need to talk you can call me any time. You have let me unload on you plenty of times and feel guilty that I havent been able to return the favor.

[bjhv5]

Twin,Thank you!!

I know that J's baby sister (born 4-05-06) they were trying to find her tonight and when they do if we do not have the sib group then we could get het defanitly going to TPR.The other 3 will be a TPR and final in a matter of about a month.The CW is looking for an adoptive home for them before it goes to TPR because the judge is more likely to grant TPR when there is a home identified.

I know there will be others and is MOnday comes and the CW still cant tell us which way she is going to recommend then we will keep our babies until the end.But if she says she will recommend RU then I dont know what to do.

On a different note Judge Gooding had a small stroke on the bench about a week ago.The think he will be back in about a week or two.WE DO NOT WANT Wallace for our case!!!
I will keep you updated!!
Thanks!!

[twinflana]

are you telling me that j's sibling was born and not taken immediately?


That is terrible about the judge, and the sad thing is it could delay all the cases gooding was hearing.

my baby jj's hearing is tomorrow with wallace. Still no case worker for the other one should have one tomorrow.

[marthavmommy]

Deb I am so sorry to hear this! I hope it doesn't come to that, and from what I have read on these boards, its entirely possible that it won't and the four will be TPR'd. Such a roller coaster of emotions. And it also doesnt sound like foster parents get straight answers too often. Wow.

Did you say the other baby was born but not placed? I didn't quite understand that - she was born last week? Anyway you are in my prayers, oh gosh this is tough for you guys. And I am sorry to hear about Judge Gooding, I hope he is making a full recovery.

Martha

PS hope to see you both next week.

[ECDGA]

I have not replied to one of your posts before as I am fairly new to the board but in following your dedication to your bio children and your foster children I wonder if you wouldn't rather seeing these that are in your care now through to the end. You seem so dedicated and loving it may bring you more peace in the end, whatever the result.

[mom2GRLC]

Very difficult situation!!!

You never know what's going to happen in a case. With my daughter the first year they kept saying she'd likely be up for adoption....then at the 1 year court judge granted another 3 months to continue working for RU then 3 months later they were continuing with the goal of RU and startingday/weekend visits to prepare for the transition. At the next court she was supposed to go home and one failed drug test at court turned the whole scenerio around. Bmom surrendered her rights and before we knew it she was ours forever. So I'm a strong believer that if it's supposed to happen IT WILL.

But if you feel strongly that these other kids are meant to be yours then maybe you are meant to act on it. We felt strongly in our case that we had to wait it out and see her through to the very end....even though it was sooooo difficult...and we are so glad we did.

Again....not saying that will happen in your case....just saying to follow what your heart is telling you!!!

Good Luck either way!!!!

[bjhv5]

Thank you everyone!!!

I knew I could come here and finr friends to listen and understand.

I guess I would feel more like we have a chance if there were drugs involved but there is not just negeclt.(I know it is bad to say just negeclt)

So we will see.
As for the baby she was born in a different town and no one knew the mom was due. We are still trying to find out if the baby girl was early or on time.We do have a friend that is a faoster mom that said she would take her until we could as long as it was not long term.

We just have a lot of praying and waiting to do. LOVE FOSTER CARE!!! lol

[Howdy]

I don't think children can see the big picture. You may be able to see that the kids you have now would be well taken care of in another foster home (or "homes", if split up), and that reunification is not very far away (if it really happens). But how will the kids feel? I don't think they would understand. I think it would be a wound to them. For now they are your children and you are the only mom they have. If it were me, I hope that I would be able to suffer myself (suffer the loss of not getting the other children) rather than cause my children to suffer. I know the other children are a huge temptation, but when we are tempted that is when we find out our true moral fiber.

[hesabanana]

You are definitely in a difficult place. If it were me, I think that I would keep the current group. One thing I have learned is that it ain't over til it's over. Our little guy was to be reunited last summer; we have an adoption date in June. For me, I would need to know I hung in there just in case. I also would have concerns about uprooting these kids from you to another (or several) new homes. I would feel like I made a commitment to these kids, and would need to see it through.

Good luck to you...I don't envy your position!

[swsoutherlands]

Even though it's hard, Stay the Course. For the sake of the kids you have now, finish it out with them. If they aren't part of your forever family, then there will be others who will be that will come at the right time, with the right feeling of peace, and the right fit. I'm a firm believer in things happening in their right season, and this may well be your season to take care of the kids you have now. Plus until it's over, there's really NO way to predict with accuracy what will happen.


Good luck to you!

[mom2GRLC]

We just got a call earlier this week asking us to take a placement of a 2 year old girl. The foster parents were told they would be able to adopt her and then the plan changed to RU. With the plan they will likley be RU with their family on May 1st and they are doing weekend visits. They just couldn't keep her any longer it was just too hard.

We declined for our own reasons but the first thing my husband said when I told him about it was...."Why are they giving up before it's even over....if we hadn't stuck it out till the very last minute than We wouldn't have bee able to adopt our little girl...you just never know what will happen."

I wish you the best in whatever you decide. BUt I don't think you should feel bady if you choose to go with these other kids. The kids you have now will be ok...kids are remarkably resiliant besides your family does come first...and if these other kids are eant to be yours you will feel it. Trust your own instincts and don't worry about how others will judge you.

[Kelly Rae]

See your current responsibility through. For the kids in your care it would be a big loss. What if the kids were all separated and put in bad foster homes? The risk to the kids well being is to great, stay the course!