[tammyjo21]

This month we will take our first class on fostering. My husband is a little hesitant. Any advice on how to ease him in? Any husbands of yours that had the same concerns?

[shy_bear]

Even though we had adopted, private domestic adoptions, my husband was VERY hesitant. I think he watched one too many Lifetime movies about all the negative that is said about kids from the system. After the training classes and seeing some real live foster kids he changed his mind.


I think it is good to have some reservations and to know your limits. Good luck to you!!

[gregorysparents]

tammyjo21,

I see you just joined today so.....WELCOME to this wonderful life of foster parenting. Yes, that's right.....I said foster parenting - not foster care giving!!!!

Fasten your seat belts and be prepared to:

hurry up and wait
get your hearts broke
jump thru hoops
get your hearts broke
sit and wait for phone calls
get your hearts broke
ask questions when you get THE phone call
get your hearts broke

Oh, did I say, "Get your hearts broke"????

Just kidding. All of the work that you will have to do to obtain your foster parenting license is MORE THAN WORTH IT!!! We love being foster parents.

You and your hubby will need to be on the same "page" in regards to what you both are prepared to handle. Since I don't work outside of the home and I am the one that has "hands on" when it comes to raising these kiddo's, my hubby lets me make the final decision (if we don't agree). But, I can honestly say that we have never had a placement that we didn't both agree to.

ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS keep in mind that the goal of the foster care system is REUNIFICATION. You might get told that a child is ready to adopt or that this child might be adoptable - when in all reality they aren't. Or, you might get told that a child is not adoptable - when they will become adoptable sometime down the road.

If you go into fostering with the mind set that you are helping a child out in their time of need and you aren't going to have this child forever - then you will be fine. But, if this child becomes available for adoption - then WOW - what a pleasant surprise.

If you want to pm me and ask me specific questions - feel free. I am sure that I can pass those questions along to my hubby and get this answers.

Once again....WELCOME!!!

Christina

[rtsmedley]

I have to second what Christina said....everything. We just had a 16 mo old go to his g-ma, he was with us for 6 months. We knew from the first week that he would end up with his g-ma, but my heart still was broken. It is the toughest job you will ever love!

When we began four years ago, dh was hesitant. I kept the ball rolling, scheduling classes, meeting other fp, ect. He knew how much I wanted to be a mom, even if it was to other parents' children. I think that the classes help ease the fears, just keep communicating!

Goodluck and Welcome!
Toni

[ECDGA]

I was commited from the start and knew I wanted to foster--my husband was not quite where I was. After each class he became more and more commited. Our last placement was "his" baby. He picked her up from Children and Youth, cared for her during her first hours here(I was teaching a religious ed. class and could not get a sub) continued caring for her as I got the flu for a weekend that she was here and then went with me to court(and to return her). She had it in for him from the start. The social workers laughed about it--she was in a room full of women when he picked her up,screaming her head off--the moment she laid eyes on him she stopped and held out her arms. Give your hubby a little time--I am sure he will surprise you. Fostering has brought alot of joy to our entire family--I hope it does the same for yours.

[twinflana]

my husband was very hesitant throughout the whole thing, he wasnt won over until we received our first placement

[diane beth]

My hubby was ok with it mainly because he knew that I wanted it so much. Wow! We got our first plcement and he fell for them. They were only with us for 32 days and he wanted them back! I think guys are more visual. They need to be in it before they really show alot of interest.

[marthavmommy]

We haven't gotten our first placement yet, we aren't quite certified (hopefully we will be by the end of this month!) But I had the same experience. My hubby wanted us to get pregnant but we were unable to conceive, and he was reluctant to the idea of fostering, but warmed up to the idea. (Too much of Judging Amy!). I still dont think he is excited like I am, he really treasures 'his' time. I hope he falls in love with our first placement, and I hope we are both up to the huge change in our lives. Neither of us has ever been a parent!

Martha

[mommyj]

We went through the process to foster our niece who was removed from her home and is still in the process of having the courts decided if her parents are going to go through reunification or tpr (after 1 year and 4 months). Both my husband and I were very hesitant about doing this - we decided when we got married we didn't want children. However, she is family and our hearts told us this was the right thing to do.

To make a long story short, and I don't mean to dampen your spirits, but the one thing I truly regret about the process is that we did not hire an attorney from the moment we had our first interview with social services. We were completely dragged through the ringer by the social workers, and set up for failure by the system. We believe that our niece's social worker did not like us and wanted her to be placed with a foster family that she worked with before and are her friends. They took our niece away from us last October, after only having her for 2 1/2 months, on some trumped up charges. That is when we hired our attorney, who verified that what happened to us and what we suspected was going on, truly was. Our attorney has established that the charge of not following their rules is completely false. However, until the court decides to offer reunification or start tpr, there is nothing we can do but wait. We are ready to go to court for guardianship as soon as the judge makes a decision. But because both parents are mentally disabled, the case just keeps getting continued.

gregorysparnets are so right on the money with everything they said. I know our case is different than yours, but the one advice I wish someone would have given me last year was hire an attorney from the very beginning and visit the National Foster Parent Coalition for Allegation Reform (there is a link on this website under Support groups). Here I found and I am amazed at the number of states that do not have a Foster Parents Bill of Rights (like my state, CA). Which means that as foster parents, you have no rights whatsoever. And I learned of the efforts by groups in various states (including mine) to reform the system. This is the one thing I tell everyone I meet who is thinking about fostering.

Please don't misunderstand me, I think that what you and your husband are doing is the most noble of causes and we definitely need more people like you in this world who are willing to make the sacrifices to give children a better life. But I encourage you to educate yourseves as much as possible on how the system works so you are better prepared than we were.

Bless you both!
Justine

[hubbyswife]

Welcome to foster parenting! There are definitely HIGHS and LOWS......

Ditto what Christina said!

Don't really know what to say about the DH. Mine was on the same page as me. If we wanted to have a family it would be thru foster care (adopting). He loves kids and I love kids so there wasn't any problems in deciding to do this.

Good luck and welcome to this journey of foster care.