[lvmykidz]

My son has a friend in 6th grade that is in the foster care system. For almost a year he has been telling me about this boy and how he wants us to adopt him. To be honest, I never gave it much more thought.
Then last week his case worker called wondering if I was interested in adopting this boy. It came as a surprise but once the question was put in my head I couldn't get it out. I talked it over with my Dh ( we have 3 children of our own - ages 13,10 and 8) and at first he thought I was crazy.
I called the caseworker back the next day for more info. She told me this boy was adopted from mexico when he was 7. The adopted mom never bonded with him and was then placed into foster care - he's been there for the past 6 years. My heart then just kept thinking of this boy and how he needs to feel loved and have a home.
So, we are taking him this weekend to meet him for the first time. Now his hopes are so high - he'll call my son and tell him how he always wanted a dog, a brother, etc. I don't want to diappoint him.
My Dh is actually leaning closer towards the idea of adoption but he would rather we take him in as a foster child first with the intent of adopting.
I just fret that if something goes wrong (which Dh and I do realize he will come with emotional hangups) that to say no to adoption after he's lived with us will jsut cause this boy more damage.
Here's another dilema - we have our house up for sale to move out of state. I'm worried about the time frame. If we do foster care first - can we move him out of state with us? Or should we get all the paperwork rolling for adoption so we can be ready for that in case the house sells.
I don't want to rush into something but don't want the oppurtunity to pass by us either.
And how do you put it to the boy that you want to do foster care first? I don't want him to think we have to "try" him out first because I do want him to feel loved for just who he is and where he is at. Maybe just tell him we want him to decide as well how he thinks he will fit into our family?
Any thoughts? Thanks

[oldenough]

It's a very commendable thing you're attempting to do here. It shows your son has a big heart wanting you guys to take him in.


I'm not sure about the message you'll be sending him by "trying him out" first. The thing with that is, there will be a honey moon period and you probably won't get to the root of his problems until WAAAY later.

Has your son thought about what he/they would do if they got into a fight/arguement and didn't want to be friends anymore? Once this boy is living with you, you can't just banish him from the house because they don't get along, etc.

What a horrible thing for that adoptive mother to do to him! Is there a way for him to come stay with y'all without it being a formal thing?

I don't know what to tell you in terms of you house, etc. Where I grew up, there are a lot of orphanages and a lot of the boys ended up getting "adopted" by people in the town. I was best friends with the daughter of house parents at the nearest orphanage...they ended up adopting one boy when he was in his teens. He was our age and a really nice kid. He did fit in really well with their family. So it's possilbe that things will work out well!!

Good luck! Let us know what you decide!

[ALI143]

About the moving out of state; even though he'll be a foster placement he is (or should be) legally free from his adoptive mom so the state will be able to grant you an Interstate Compact-those are a whole other question.

Hmmm... I think a nice way of seeing if you can do this is to say he's coming to visit as a respite placement. It's just a couple weeks, but you'll know more about yourselves and this placement idea. You won't know too much more about him though because like Oldenough said he'll naturally be on his good behavior, the honey moon phase for sometime.

And if you do adopt him he'll be your children's brother. Which means you're gonna be a mom again.
Also you can get his summary from his worker, with cw permission talk with his teachers, school professionals, counsler if he's seeing one and foster parents.