[momof2redheads]

I took my FD to an appointment today to see her therapist. The therapist asked if I was going to adopt her. I told her I really have no intention of adoption but that I would keep her as long as she was in the foster system. I got a strange look. I am wondering if the therapist and CW will remove her from my home because I do not want to adopt.
My FD is not up for adoption right now and I am not sure if she ever will be. I know alot of things have to be put in place but I don't understand why adoption talk is going on right now. My FD hasn't even been in care a year yet. I am her 5th home in 6 months. I thought it would be good to have a home for more than a month. She has been with me 3 months now. I just don't understand. Has this happened to anyone?

[ALI143]

How veryvery odd The point of foster care is to provide a home until reunification or until a forever family is found. If they haven't even started TPR they can't even pretend she has to have a foster to adopt situation at this point...or maybe they can predict how things will go in court and case plans worked. I wish I could !

[CANICE]

I have had my niece as a foster child for almost 6 months now and they have started asking have I consider what I would do if there was TPR. When this started I was told it would be only for 3 months. Of course I realize she will be with us for at least 12 to 15 months after reading up on how the system works. Now that they are asking me what my thoughts are on adoption I have to admit it is scary because at this point I am having days when I could see this long term then there are those other days when I think...no I would like to just get back to the way things were before all this happened (she came to us when she was removed from a family member so it was unexpected and sudden) so of course then I think what if we were to adopt her and then I had second thoughts afterwards.
At first there was no bonding but I can feel that changing now. I guess I will just have to pray that when the time does come I can make the right choice for everyone envolved.

[Gryph]

We went 17 years in foster care with no intentions of adopting, then adopted a 17 year old (came just after turning 16) with a very difficult past. He remained a challenge but we held on.

What changed our minds was that we had no legal status in things such as school and he had no family that cared to be involved.

We checked out several other children that were free for adoption but things just didn't seem to work out. It's partly because we get referrals that are difficult and in hard core placements. The biggest reason these are not working for us is that the current placement wants to run the show, including our home. We resent this from people with less experience and a much worse success rate than ours. Residential and group homes have an 85% residivism rate. Properly supported foster care has an 85% success rate. We're running about 95% success. Rates vary in what they call success. Some have goals that they don't go to jail within 6 months of discharge. We measure it by how they do when they move on their own or reunification that works for several years.

We decided to continue at what we do best. We get teenage boys, most have been kicked out of a failed residential program. Desperate social workers ask us to take them temporarily, 2-4 months. The ones we like, we keep. We let the others go on to the next placement.

[stevenstwin]

Gryph - you are my hero! I have just taken in a teenage boy, just turned 15, with some pretty significant emotional issues. I've not been able to find ANYONE else who has fostered/adopted a teenage boy. Very few foster parents I know seem to want teens at all - and then usually girls. Since I've never done this before, I might be bending your ear sometimes!

[hotspice58]

I did it for a year!! Mind you, my home study said no one older then 10. Right before Thanksgiving of 2 years ago, I got a call about a 15 yo boy. My mother said yes which is why I did. But my mother has a "screw up once and you go back" mentality. I tried to make it work. He was in 3 homes and a group home when I got him. SERIOUS ATTACHMENT issues. If I were a SAHM or worked closer to where I lived, it could have worked. He's in another group home but his bio mom got section 8 and is getting housing so he'll go with her.

[hotspice58]

In response to adopting: in New York, the sw's have to run a concurrent program if RU doesn't happen. I was asked when I had 2 boys who eventually were RU. With the 2 I have now, **** asked if I would adopt them. But all the agencies know not everyone will adopt; that some are fostering and others just want to adopt.

[rindava]

therapist are not really on the same page as the rest of the foster care system....at least that has been my local observation. you take kids to therapy with who ever is taken the medicaid care and has some space to take new kids...so sometimes (most of the time) you get a therapist who really doesn't know how DSS works or foster care . Out of the 16 kids I fostered and 13 different mental health workers we worked with I'd say 10 thought all the kids problems would be cured if they just got sent home....

One of the therapist did ask me if i wanted to adopt kids who were no where near TPR because she says she likes to get the kids in their potiential forever home ASAP...

They don't do concurrent planning here, it was just that therapists way of doing things...

60-70% of children in foster care are returned to their birth families

[happyinhazard]

Originally Posted by stevenstwin

Gryph - you are my hero! I have just taken in a teenage boy, just turned 15, with some pretty significant emotional issues. I've not been able to find ANYONE else who has fostered/adopted a teenage boy. Very few foster parents I know seem to want teens at all - and then usually girls. Since I've never done this before, I might be bending your ear sometimes!

I have a teenaged boy...he is 14 and I'm about to lose what is left of my mind.....bend my ear anytime you want!

[hotspice58]

rindava, what state are you in? When I did the MAPP classes, we learned about the foster care initiative: the bparents are given 18 months to get it together or risk having their rights terminated. My teenager was an exception because if housing is the only problem, the system won't terminate rights.

[Mel in NEPA]

We foster a 15 yr old boy with quite a past. But this kid is a gem, and we adore him. I would consider more teen aged boys in our future.. but in our far far future.

[Gryph]

StevensTwin,

Feel free to contact me. I haven't been as loyal at attending to these sites. My wife and I maintain our associations web site, www.cvfapa.org. Check it out. It may have links you'll like. At least you'll be able to contact us through there if I miss you here.