[kharrison]

I know I have heard this discussed on her before but I am not sure exactley what the guide lines are.. I am in MS. and I have had two little girls for going on 9mnths now and her mom constantly tells everyone that we take good care of them and can provide much better for them and by the way she is pg again. So can I ask her if she would consider surrendering her rights to the girsl with certain conditions of course? Or does the sw have to ask her? I am not sure but the cw wants them back in the house and I dont think the mom does.. How can I handle this without it blowing up in my face...
Thanx, K

[momofmykids]

I would let the cw handle that. You don't want bmom to come back saying that you did anything out of line.

[kharrison]

What if the cw wont??? I have 17 views on this and only 1 reply.. Help I really need some advice before they go for overnite visits.....

[jackiesbooks]

is Mom working plan? If she is working the plan, I would think she wants them back. My foster son's Mom visits but that is it. She will not sign -
She wants to be able to tell him that DSS took him. She did not give him up.

[standup]

Our SW did not bring it up untill 10mo. Even then ** just blew it off. If you are friendly with the **, as we are, you can ask her what she wants for her children in an informal way. Knowing that she is pg again, it has to be on her mind. If you are close to overnight visits though, that usually means that she is following her case plan and has a chance of reunification. It sounds like if that is the case, you may end up being the unofficial "aunt" and would be a good resource for the family if they are reunited. Our ** calls me constantly "just to talk" (I gave her my cell#). She will need a hand if the children are reunited down the line and you can possibly remain in the children's lives. Sorry I cannot offer more but, I hope it helps. We are right where you are and my thoughts are with you.

[momofmykids]

We are extremely friendly with the bmom of my sib group (DCS says our relationship is very unusual...they've never seen anything like it is what some cw's have said) and I would have NEVER asked her to surrender. She's asked me my opinion before and I always told her she needed to do what she thought was best.

If you happen to catch your fc's bmom on a bad day, she can accuse you of anything and completely derail any chance you may have of adopting. It could also mess up the perm plan, and you just don't know what could happen.

As previous posters have stated, if they're working up to overnight visits, sounds like reunification is coming.

Keep us posted and we're here if you need to vent.

[yanknrebel]

The bf of our daughter was always very friendly towards us whenever we saw him at court or meetings. He would always thank us for taking such good care of his baby for him and for loving her. Well after almost 3 years of the court system, the bp's having to get different court appointed lawyers for this and that, all the continuances, and neither of the bps following any of their caseplan, we finally got the tpr hearing scheduled. Well we never got to get to court about it because the biomom was terminated, and then bf got to his case but decided that he would not fight the tpr and agreed to it. He would always tell me when he saw me that IF it turned out that he got her back, that he wanted us to be part of her life. I agreed to the same with him. I knew the man loved his baby. He just loved his addictions and the biomom too. So, basically he and I agreed to always be a part of this baby's life regardless of who got to raise her. All has been going well until about a month ago with bf. That is another story. So, if you are friendly with the biomom, I might just have a little conversation with her telling her that neither of you know how the courts might rule or the situation may end up, but that you want her to know that you and your family love this child as you do your own, and that if the child is placed back with her, that you and your family would like to play a major part in this child's life. Also tell her that you would agree to the same with her, in the event that the child is removed from her permanently. That , if the child is removed perm and available for adoption, that you and your family would like to continue giving her the love and support that you have been and would like to adopt her. However you feel very strongly that you would still want biomom and the new baby to be a part of her life as well. Now, of course, DON"t make these promises if you don't want this biomom to remian in this child;s life. At least this way, YOU are not "asking or coercing biomom" into anything. You are simply reassuring her that you love this baby too and that no matter what the circumstances, you can BOTH still be a huge part of this baby;s life. Good luck, hope some of this helps you.

Mary

[kharrison]

I havent exactley been told that overnight were fixing to start the cw just told me on the last home visit that bmom had finally gotten a house and a worker had gone to do a Homestudy and if everything looked alright then weekend visits might would be next...I dont understand we are going from 1hour every other week to overnite that doesnt make alot of sense to me... The baby was just 9mnths ole when we got her and she only knows us as mom and dad. I have never approached mom about anything like this but I think I will tell her IF she does get them back we want to be a big part of their lives...She is just sooo young 19 and it seems to me like she is fixing to start over with another family( husband and baby) and doesnt want these two back but DHS is determined to put them back.......