[madfostermomma]

The more I do this , the more I have come to realize there are two reactions you get when you tell people you are a foster parent.- Either they look at you like you are scum of the earth or you immediately are nominated for sainthood in their eyes. There is no in between. It's amazing too because I always hear the same thing " Oh I could never do that- I give you a lot of credit.
There is no answer to this that won't get me into trouble so I simply smile.

All I know is I am thankful for everyone on this board that knows this "choice" we made to do this neither makes us scums ( doing it for the $12 a day we get ) nor does it make us saints. It simply makes us humans who have been led down a path ( for me it is a calling of sorts) to try and make this world a little bit better for our future generation.

[echobunny89]

I agree and I am sure others here will as well. People think I am either a saint or they think I'm a bit crazy in the head. I am neither of those but probably somewhere squarely in-between. I thoroughly enjoy being a foster parent with all the ups-and-downs and everything that goes along with it. It is a calling and one I am glad that I finally listened to after trying to resist the urge for 10 years.

[ALI143]

$12.00 A DAY! I didn't get into this for the money (I simply wanted more kids), but I never would have believed that someone would get $12.00 a day to take care of a child and compensate them till the day checks started arriving every month for $12.00 a day .
I notice foster parents are scum for at least 6-months after a really bad foster or adopt story has come out in the media. Then back to saints till the next horrible story. Wonder why those horrible stories don't prompt more people to become foster parents?

[Kate1129]

Oh yes! It's sick!!!!!!!!


I got caught watching some stupid Lifetime movie about a woman who is successful but has a cociane problem. Gives premature birth and looses her child to foster care. When the bmom goes to visit the baby at the foster mom's house, I flipped!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This woman was overrun with kids. She had 4 infants and 5 older kids. They played right into the "stigma". The woman was single in her late 40's and all the kids (except the babies) were AA. It made me so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She looked like me before my morning pot of coffee. It was so pathetic!

[hubbyswife]

Let's not forget "There needs to be more people like you", I get this a lot or the other one "I could never do that" Blah blah blah! Sorry but it does get annoying.

I absolutely hate the foster parent stigmas. On some of the crime shows, they always picture foster parents as single older women w 10 kids running around OR locking them in closets OR unsupervised. Having the foster kids look like psychos! I just hate that!

The same w adoptive kids. Oh they must b crazy since they r adopted or were in foster care.

I tell my DH, I wish they would show foster parents in a bright light and how positive it is. Foster parents are loving people not money hungry slobs.

That's my 2 cents!

[Mel in NEPA]

How about when they commend you for your "self sacrificing" in front of the children!! ugh! Do they think the children are immune to hurt feelings, or that they grovel all the time thinking,"I'm so lucky"???? sheesh.

[tvs4]

I too feel odd when people say such nice things to me about being a foster parent. It makes me sort of question my own motives for fostering ... like "do I just need to feel like i'm a 'good person'"?. It is especially strange when you are having a bad day and you feel like you are nearly at your wits ends with the kids ( toddlers can really push your buttons some days!) and a stranger tells you how good you are. It makes me feel like a fraud because no parent is ALWAYS a good parent. We all have "those moments" when we think "gosh, I MUST be a bit crazy to take this on for myself and my family".

It is sort of similar to when I worked as a nurse in a free community clinic for the underserved. People all the time will tell you how "good" you are for helping those who need help when really I'm not much "gooder" than the next person - I just see people in need and want to try and fill that need.

[hotspice58]

I also get the "God will Bless you" as if it will happen in the future. I consider myself blessed with the kids I'm able to foster, whether they're RU or I get to adopt them.

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I agree...people are so quick to judge one way or the other. I hate telling people I am a foster mother because not only do I hate feeling like a money hungry scum bag, but I also have run out of things to say when they start praising me to high heaven. I must agree that it is further insulting to make comments in front of the kids. Although my boys are unable to comprehend at their age, it will come a time where they DO understand. Morons keep up their comments and I will have to use ALL that cash the state gives me for a psychiatrist when they are older!!

[HOPEFULINPA]

What I hate is the remarks I get about my foster son when I tell people. They automatically pity him. I also get the "I have NO idea how you do it..I never could".

When the man came from Montana last year to do the DNA test to see if he was Jordan's father he came right out and told me he was horrified to find out the baby was in foster care. He had images of him being in a dirty environment around 10 other screaming kids. It's a horrible stigmata.

[Kate1129]

I've even gotten some stupid lines about how the parents gave up the children and such.

Now don't get me wrong, there are the ones who do give up their kids for a better life, however, that is NOT our case!

[LadyBugz]

The other day I heard a seasoned foster mom say the stereotypical comments to another foster mom. The one commenting has older kids and the other has babies. The older kid mom was amazed at how the baby mom could "let go" of the babies and was praising her, saying she "could never do it."

What response would you like to hear? Because it doesn't seem to me that even other foster moms know what to say.

[TexasJingles]

Here's my 2 pet peeves:

"Do they speak English?" -- they are American, born right here in the U.S., are Hispanic/Anglo, but how in the world do they think I communicate with them? Pictures?

And the all meaning family friends, wagging their fingers in my kids faces, "You should be so grateful that you have parents like these people!" (This would be great if the child(ren) were mis-behaving, but they do know how to act in public...most of the time, and were perfect little angels.)

Of course, there's the ones (again, family friends that I've known for 30+ years, but don't see very often)... "Where are they from?" ans: Dallas area "No, where were they from before that?" They thought you could only adopt from other countries.

Glad we didn't use any of them as references!

[fourbeauties94]

We have only had our fd for eleven days and I am amazed with the comments we get. We have had to break our cardinal rule of not telling anyone she is a foster child several times because the people we know, i.e. from church and just around town, know that I was not pregnant (our fd is only 13 days old). I am suprised by the comments. I know people are not trying to be mean, they are just suprised and many do not understand how the system works. My favorite comment is also, "God bless you." My response, "Can't you see He already has?"

[SchmennaLeigh]

*claps for the original poster*

My parents are foster parents. I personally know that they are not saints. And I personally know that they are not scum. It is, as you have said, just what they have been lead (led?) to do.

Our good friends (a groomsman in our wedding and his wife) foster and we know that, goodness, it's not easy but they make the same mistakes we do. They're human. We admire them but we also know that they are just average, everyday parents.