[newton19]

My wife and I became foster parents last June to twin 4 year old boys. We did the training and went into this with the understanding that yes, they will leave someday. However, when the county called and said that they had a place ment for us, the Social Worker stated that the twins will most likely need to be adopted, and that we should not take this placement if we were against possible adoption.

Now at this time both parents have been in prison and won't be getting out for a while, the Birth Fathers family stated that they are totally behind us 100% in adopting them through a variety of conversations.

Now ** has been back into jail and again released. She has already lost 3 other children to tis lifestyle. But Dad is maiulative, sly and has a history of halftuths and abuse, not ony to ** but to Faternal Grandmother. He served 7 months and now has been jumping through all the courts hoops.

The Social Worker now says that ** won't make it but BF will probably make it to reunification. This is a guy that can't keep his life straight. for more than 2 years. His own sister has written him off.

I know we must... and will do whatever the courts say. But how can this be fair to the boys. He has shown nothing in the past to show being a good parent. His problems with the law is a mile long.

(sadley...)I know my wife and I ave our hands tied. I never thought I could love another chld more that a biological child... but I believe now. These boys a perfect angels in my eyes. I've never been so happy in my life. I would do anything for them, even if it meant saying goodbye, but how is this fair. How many chances is he going to get to neglect these kids?

I would very much appreciate any thoughts, or advice...
God Bless you all...
J.

[leastofthese]

J,

My heart goes out to you! I wish there was something I could say that would make it make sense, but there isn't! The system just stinks sometimes and there's no way around it.

If birth father jumps through all the hoops, he will most likely get him back, but that doesn't mean he will continue to live the "jumping through the hoops" lifestyle! Your boys may not stay "home" that long. They could be back in care before long. Just make sure you express to their worker that you would like them to be returned to you if they should come back into care.

Sometimes, the best we can do is try to keep in good standing with birth family so that if they get in a tight spot, they will know they can turn to us to help keep their kids safe and loved. When my now 9 year old son was 4 he was returned to his birth mom. (He'd been with us since 6 weeks.) His mom and I had a good relationship and a few months after he returned home, she couldn't make it work and she called me and asked if he could come back.

So, you never know. Just express to the birth father that you are there for him and for the kids if he needs you. Even if the kids don't come back to you, this dad could surely use a role model and friend like you! For the sake of your boys...

[cgjstokes]

I don't have any answers, just wanted to say I will pray for you and these boys. I have two girls in a similar situation. It hurts my heart to hear them tell stories about their 4 previous foster homes. Not that the foster homes were bad--they were good homes--it's just that Birthdad seems to straighten up only long enough to get the girls back, then a few months later they are back in foster care. It's so sad--these girls love their birthdad. I am wondering how many more chances will he be given to jerk these two precious girls' lives around? How much more transition can they stand? I too want the best for them, but to my mind birthdad needs TPR and they need permanent stable adoptive families.

-joanne s
FD "B1" 10 yrs old
FD "B2" 8 yrs old

[hubbyswife]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I am at lost for words. That's what scares me w our FD. Everything looks like we will be adopting her but until I sign the adoption papers. I will not believe it.

Good luck w everything!

[Mel in NEPA]

Unfortunately, this is part of this whole thing. May I offer the only words of comfort I can think of. God has given you these children for a specific reason. Run with it as far as you possibly can. Give them as much structure, love, discipline and normalacy as possible. If the time comes that they would have to leave, know that they *will* carry what you gave them throughout the rest of their lives.

The only way I can do what I do is knowing that God loves these kids far more than I can, and He will continue to watch over them. I did my *job* and that is all I could do. It isn't easy, but knowing this makes it less painful.

[ajrl]

I'm sorry too. I know how you feel. Hurt, angry and very mad at the system. I cant tell you that the BF will not get the boys back but I can tell you what you can do in the meantime to make things less heartening to you. Start a scrapbook and put lots of pictures. Even let the boys help you. Hide little messages all over for them to remember you by. W/ my almost adopted FC I wrote in hers the tickle game that we love to do... "X marks the spot" And I put in there the nick name that we called her. The other thing to do is have the kids practice till they are blue in the face either your cellphone number or your home number so at any time they can call you. This way anytime they look at it or if they find it when they are older they will remember you.

AJ