[stevenstwin]

This is such a huge issue for us, you have no idea. Here's the latest in an almost continuous string of things - three or four boys went after him verbally in English class the other day. And each separate comment would not really look like "bullying" but the cumulative effect is pretty destructive. They were quiet and subtle enough for the teacher not to notice, until of course A. blows up (which doesn't take really long!) and yells/swears at the kid...and of course gets HIMSELF kicked out of class. I've heard this kind of stuff myself, too...here's an example: Kid calls out in the hallway "come here, A." so he does (doh!) and the kid hands him garbage from his lunch. A says "what am I supposed to do with this?" and the kid says "oh, you just seem like the type who should be in charge of garbage." Another one "Hey greaseball, when's the last time you took a shower?" On that occasion A. got in trouble again, because he yelled "This morning, you stupid P*****!" It's been going on for YEARS, and in a small town people don't forget. Originally I'm sure it started because of his out of control behaviours and poor hygiene (while he was living in an abusive home for years!). Now, there is no justification for it...but I don't know how to either deal with the other kids, or help A. not to over-react. It is constant and continuous, many times per day and it must really eat away at self esteem. The school has TRIED to deal with it, but what can they really do either?

[Withay]

I have heard of times, especially in a smaller school, where the entire studentbody was brought to an assembly on respect. This way the child(ren) being bullied are not singled out, nor are the bullies.

You might try talking with the school principal, or superindentant and ask about having someone come in for such an assembly. I would guess that your son is not the only child these bullies are picking on.

Perhaps, during the assembly there could be some role-playing with the bullies being 'randomly' selected to play the role of the person being bullied and have a chance to see what it is really like.

Just a thought.

[stevenstwin]

I don't know what it takes to get a message like that across. Our school has done all that, repeatedly. Bullying is supposedly a "priority" in our school district...yet the kids don't seem to care, and they know they can only be suspended, expelled, or arrested for physical bullying, unfortunately. I've spoken to a few of them personally, and the usual answer is "yes, but he bugs the heck out of us!!" to which I say "yes, I know, but..." and they nod and smile and agree, and then go right back to doing it. This bunch this year....they LIKE me. I know I'm one of their favourite teachers - you'd think they'd at least try not to do it right in front of me...but no such luck!

[Gryph]

Large assemblies don't work. There are many group activities designed to build relationships. Typically, these are more like games yet require cooperation. Karl Rohnke wrote several books including "Cowstails and Cobras." The guidance folks would know what you're talking about if you ask.

[Hadley2]

I don't think you'll ever change the behavior of the other students. That can't be the goal. A's goal needs to be to change how he responds to them (sounds as if he is reacting, not responding, now) and how he feels about their behavior.

Or, if it's just too much: Is there an alternative high school program available? If not in your school, then another in the district or would he even be able to tuition out to another district on the basis of your equivalent of an IEP or 504?

From everything you've said about A, it sounds as if he could really get a lot out of one--it would give him the understanding and space he needs to "catch up" emotionally to his age while keeping up academically. Socially, most alternative high schools are much easier on the kids because they are all there for similar reasons, have similar challenges and the teacher-leaders are constantly working on team building, relational skills, etc. Our nephew attended a school-within-the-school alternative high school and it made an amazing difference in his life (they got to do supercool things, too, like overnights in the mountains, rock climbing and zip-lining, etc.).

[stevenstwin]

I had thought of that, but I don't think it is much of an option where we are...small town. The only "alternative" high school is the outreach program, which means he'd be doing home study with correspondence materials, so I don't think that would be beneficial. It would be great if we lived close enough to the kind you mention! And you are right - I can't work on changing the behaviour of the other students (beyond what I normally do as a teacher), but I need to figure out how to focus on helping him 'respond rather than react'.

[DianeScraps]

There are books called Bullies to Buddies that helped my oldest deal with bulling, you may want to check it out