[BrandyHagz]

What questions were most important to you? Also, we all know that hind sight's 20/20 - so what do you wish you'd asked but didn't?

[jackiesbooks]

I wish I understood how respite worked. In MD, we have to pay the respite provider out of our check.

[crick]

Respite questions/details are a good one, because they tend to gloss over that one.

I wished I'd asked how much help they were going to offer on finding therapists that actually took medicaid.

They covered behavioral issues pretty well for us, but didn't cover much on actual solutions to those challenges. Wish I'd have asked for more "parenting resources/books" to read before placement to have some "tricks up my sleeve".

[Lorraine123]

I think they presented the issues these kids would have fairly well, but they didn't go into how to deal with them on a daily basis.

[wenrl]

I wish I had known more about how bad government insurance really is and been told what to do when my daughter needs to go to the dentist twice a year and no dentist in the state will see her.

[jackiesbooks]

Great point - A list of dentist , eyeglass providers would be great!

[dadfor2]

you talk about these 'behaviors', well, where can we go if our child has them? what services are out there?

You mentioned respite, what is it, and how do we get it?

you stated that sometimes 'love is not enough', well, i do dont believe you, but what exactly does that mean, afterall, we are loving parents, and isnt that what they want?

are there any adoption support groups in our area if we need them?

what help can we get if our child does have the behaviors that you describe?

[AmyAnne]

I also would've liked to know how to get my child help.

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I think they hit all the issues with the children pretty well. What I wish they had been better at was explaining your roll with the bio parents. For example, I received this advice from our CW after Bug was placed with us...let the CW be the enemy. If they ask you a question you are uncomfortable with, just use the department as a sort of buffer "You will have to ask the CW, I am not sure that is possible". Also, our licensor told me to form the most positive relationship possible with bio-parents. It will go a long way if and when they have to make decisions that are in their child's best interests.

One example of our experience in this is that both Bug and Bear's parents either voluntarily relinquished, or supported us being their mommy and daddy (Bug's parents just dissappeared and went to TPR, but before she did, she asked me to adopt him). As a result, the boys will both be under a year when their cases are final (Bear in a month). On the other hand, we have friends who have been confrontational, rude, and judgemental with their bio parents. They were placed with their boys just a few weeks after Bug was placed with us. The bio parents have tried to stop necessary surgeries, changed lawyers, forced numerous delays in the court system...the list goes on. It is quite litterally a battle for these children.

I think in PRIDE they should hit on the fact that these children are subjected to enough negativity and it is the foster parents roll to be as positive as possible. If you have to bite your tounge a bit, then so be it...aren't your kids worth it??

[BrandyHagz]

Well, I got my official "Letter" today telling me when and where to show up with DH

Does anyone else have anything to offer?

I feel like I've already learned so much from the years here on the forums - that maybe I am going in with one leg up on the other folks...if you know what I mean

I know she did tell me there were a lot of 0-2 CC only folks in our class that would most likely never see a placement - as our county doesn't get a lot of infant cases (small and rural) and usually when they do, it involves a sib group.

For those of you who accepted or were open to sib groups - what made you decide? How did you come to that conclusion?

We've got room for up to three (according to our states guidelines on space) and I am more than willing to accept three – DH on the other hand worries about having time for all the kids at once if we accept three…I think it hit him yesterday when I was looking at a sib group of 3 on adoptuskids…he said he felt scared – while I, on the other hand, thought “Wow, wouldn’t it be great to get siblings like that…they’d still have the connection!”…of course, DH was thrust into the adoption world by marriage and had never met or talked to anyone who was adopted (that he knows of) until me.

How did you and your SO decide what was right for you?

[LadyBugz]

Brandy,

My dh and I are at the beginning of the process as well, but we know that we intend on having a sib group. I think the very beginning of that decision was not being able to decide on a gender. So we agreed on both. (There was a bit more that went into that decision, but that's the nutshell version.)We've had lots of exposure to taking care of several children at one time, so when DH started looking at TARE's sib groups and falling in love he started saying, "We can do that." When he saw a group of 6, he started talking about how we could remodel even. LOL! (I don't think we're quite ready for that.) It doesn't seem like there was ever an aha moment, but more of a gradual progression while we fleshed everything out.

[BrandyHagz]

LadyBugz,

DH and I have agreed on a sib group of two - that was easy - gender, age - those were easy - but when I mentioned to him that we'd have room for three - he wasn't sure about that.

So, in the end, a sib group of two is fine - and I am ok with that - but I think being open to a sib group of 3 would offer a sib group a home, together, which seems to be a REAL need in our area.

At the same time - I don't want to push - so we'll just keep talking

[LadyBugz]

I was talking to a foster/adopt woman on Thursday who has three sibs. She and her husband are both head over heels for the three. She said they requested no more than 2, but the sw called them for the three and they said OK. Perhaps the sw will take care of it for you, too.

[crick]

I think it's like LadyBug just stated..."your sw will take care of it for you!" LOL!

We were open to a sibling group of 2. Ended up with 4. Our agency worker knew we wanted a sibling group and snuck their picture in an envelope with some other ppwk. Sticky note on it said "Thought you might be interested?"

Oh Vey!

But as you know....the rest is history!