[tabby]

We had a rough couple of days. Saturday night one of our fs's stopped breathing in the middle of the night. We took him to the ER and they admitted him. We were only supposed to stay for 1 night for observation. While we were there he got really sick. He started throwing up and had diarrhea really bad. He wouldn't hold nothing down. They started an IV and gave him some fluids. We finally got to come home this morning. They said he has reflux and had the rotavirus. He is doing so much better now. They put him on Zantac and Reglon. While we were there his ** called the hospital at 3:00 and said she was trying to find a ride up there and she would be there. She called 2 more times after that. She called at 8:50 p.m. and said she would be up there in about an hour. I told her that after 9:00 p.m. that visitation hours were over and the nurses station said they wouldn't let anyone back after that and all visitors would have to leave at 9:00 p.m. ** said o.k. At 10:20 p.m. the nurse came to take fs's vital signs and told me that ** came by at around 10:00 and they told her that visitation hours were from 9:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. and she would have to come back then. She told me that ** said some very vulgar things to her and she finally left. The bf's mother called up to the hospital at 11:30 and they kept calling. I had to call down to the front desk and stop all calls so he could get some rest. They never came back any to see him. I called the cw this morning and left her a voice mial telling her what had happened and that if the ** wanted to come to the hospital that she needed to not do those things. I am waiting for the cw to call me back. The ** is suppose to start going to the boys doctors visits with me and I am going to tell the cw that if ** is going to do those things that she will need to come to the doctors visits too if ** is going to be there.

[Mel in NEPA]

what can I say beside, ugh!

[spaypets]

Let me understand, the hospital wouldn't let the boy's _mother_ come see him because visiting hours were over? You were still with him right? I realize this is a foster care situation, but if the boy's safety wasn't an issue, it seems to me the rules could have been bent for his mother. It sounds like she's poor and doesn't have transportation and did her level best to get there. She even called to say she was still trying.

I'm assuming reunification is the goal here, given the fact that she's supposed to attend Dr's appointments.

Maybe I'm missing something, but I think the compassionate thing would have been to let the mother see her son, who was clearly gravely ill.

[leenab]

We've had a foster child admitted to the hospital before and they same rules applied. The bioparents were not permitted to visit without a cwer being present and then only at visiting hours. I know it sounds really harsh, but you have to remember that most children in fostercare are there because of the bioparent's failure to do something.

[momofmykids]

I agree with you Leena...the cw should have been there for the bmom to visit. Furthermore, I don't think it was Tabby who didn't let bmom visit, but the nurses and bgrandma should have known better than calling the hospital that late at night!

Tabby is the baby feeling better?

[spaypets]

Leenab, it didn't sound like the issue at the hospital was the social worker, it sounded like the issue was that the mother was late. I completely understand if visits are supposed to be supervised, and I apologize if I've misunderstood, but it sounded like the only reason the nurses wouldn't let the mother visit was because it was too late. And it sounded like she was late because she is poor and doesn't have transportation.

[LadyBugz]

What are the legalities involved? I believe that while the child is in foster care (reunification as a goal or not) the biological parent does not have any of the custodial rights of the child, but only visitation rights.

Compare to a divorce situation: mother has sole managing conservatorship and father has visitation only. That means that dad doesn't have any of the rights of parenthood like taking a child to the doctor's or approving of an underage marriage or filing a lawsuit on the child's behalf or obtaining a passport, etc. The only right dad legally retains is visitation. Since he is still legally Dad, the courts can change those rights to reinstate them at a later date if they so choose. Right now, the mom solely holds those rights.

Back to foster care: in this situation, mom does not have legal rights as the child's guardian. Her rights are to visit, which according to hospital policy can only happen during certain hours. The courts can reinstate those rights at a later time, but right now she doesn't have them.

Her child was hospitalized and ill. He didn't need a visit at ten at night. Yes, it might stink. But I think Tabby made the best decisions for the child's sake. It is her job to focus on the child's needs, not the mother's. I think whether or not she should have tried to bend the rules would be a matter of circumstances and personalities--totally subjective--and not something that we should second guess her about here.

[hesabanana]

The child stopped breathing in the middle of the night, and bmom couldn't make it until 10 pm the following night?

What leads you to believe she is poor and therefore cannot obtain transportation? There are multiple other reasons that she took so long to get there. I am all for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but I find it very hard to believe she needed 20 hours to get there.

My fs's bmom failed to show up for his scheduled surgery. She "overslept."

[tabby]

** does not have a car but she does live in the city and there is public transportation. I talked to the boys cw this afternoon and she told her that she could call up the hospital but she was not allowed to come up there. The ** has really bad anger issues. She is suppose to be taking anger management classes but she is not. I had no problem with her coming up there. It was so late when she did come he was so tired, he had been through so much that day,he was asleep by that time anyway. I just couldn't understand what took her so long to even call. She knew about it because as soon as we were admitted I called the cw cell phone and she then called the mother to let her know.

[shycar]

Our baby fd was at the hospital about two weeks ago. She was there for two weeks and had open heart surgery. The hospital sw and the baby's sw gave b-parents to visit baby anytime they wanted. Visitation is from 8am-8pm, unless its a parent. B-parents were allowed to see baby at any time and had permission to spend the night. They only went 3 times in the two weeks. I personally think if there is no danger to the child that b-parents should be able to go at any time. The reason the child is there is for something seriouse, what if the child died..It would be sad that b-parents was never let to say goodbye, becouse they were late. I know I would tell the nurse that I be there at 7am and did not make it till 9am..I have three other children, it was hard to head out the door everyday on time. I understand why the b-mom got angry... I know if I was in her situation Id be pretty upset too if I was not allowed to see my sick child at the hospital. No matter that the state is involved that is their child till tpr happens.

[cheyenne1]

You are all so lucky. When I have a child that is admitted to the childrens hospital. I become the visitor and the b-mom is allowed to stay up there with the child. The nursing staff allows them to stay since they can keep an eye on them.
I can call anytime and visit only when ** is not there.

[bjhv5]

It would kill me to not be able to be with my children bio or foster when they are in the hospital! Our fd is 6 months and has never spent the night away from me since she was 3 days old,she would not know who this stranger was with her.** visits just started back in Jan.so I mean this baby has no idea who this woman is.

I never left my bio children when they had to be in the hospital.I just couldnt.I pray we do not have to go through this with our little guys.
I hope you baby is doing better.

[tabby]

He is doing alot better now. The doctor said it would take a couple of weeks for him to be back to 100% but he is alot better than he was a few days ago.