[Mishagreen]

When after someone finds out you're a foster parent, they say something like "Oh, I'm just not the kind of person who could keep from getting attached enough to be able to give the child back. It would be too hard for me."

I find it a little insulting, since it implies that I somehow care less, or have a harder heart than someone such as themselves. It also sounds selfish, since they're so worried about how they are going to feel about it.

Anyway, I just never know how to respond to those kinds of comments.

[Happy123]

I always say, "O I really get attached to, but I went into this knowing the goal was for them to return home."

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I absolutely HATE that comment! I have heard it a MILLION times!

You know what I say...

"It is not easy knowing that they could be gone tomorrow, but the are with me now and I will love them with all of my heart for every moment of every day that they are with me. It is not their choice that they are in this situation, and the very least they are entitled to is unconditional love. I also treat every day that they are with me as a gift, because I feel that I am the lucky one."

I also HATE the misconception that we are in it for the money...if that were the case, I would be able to stay at home with them all day!

[AmyAnne]

There's a thread on here where everyone was listing the things they're most sick of hearing... those both made it.

I would say "It's a tough price to pay, but I'll pay it to get to know such wonderful kids!"

[barbhuff]

I always say, "Exactly why you need to do it then because you might be the only person ever in that child's life who would grieve over losing her. Don't they all deserve to be loved like that?"

Usually shuts them up...

[niandca]

"Well I guess it's a good thing for these kids that I can."

[parentto2teens]

sometimes you get attached and sometimes you don't. It is good to develop bonds with them so we can better parent them when they are not with their own parents. The kids need loving care and stability.

[Godmother]

I tell them it hurts me more to think kids are staying in abusive homes because more people don't care enough to give them a safe place to live. I try to think about what the kids need, not myself.

[diane beth]

I can't believe that people think that money can be made on having foster children. We are almost licensed and we have spent the following: $10,105.00!!!!! I just hope I don't come unglued if anyone ever accuses me of it.

Physicals 150.00
Clothes 300.00
Gun Safe 595.00
furniture 1,200.00
New Septic 7,120.00
Gas 100.00
Stroller and 2 carseats 300.00
4 new smoke alarms 40.00
Permit for septic 200.00

All of the clothes are used or clearance. The furniture was also used but all in very good condition. I know I am probably forgetting some things here. So this list could grow. Ya know it is all worth every penny. You just can't put a price on the well being of a child. Even if we don't have alot to spend the love is worth far more anyway.~diane

[eternaloptimist]

I would tell them this : children in foster care will grow up.If they are not cared for in a nurturing,loving home by capable people, they will,in all probability, never lead lives that are whole. They,and their children will always be marginalized.With all the issues that go along with that....... Ask the querant if this is something that we as a society can continue to afford. They won't ask again.

[mallory4]

I have responded a couple of times by saying:

"Well, then you should not have ANY children, because even your own kids can be taken from you at any time. I have two friends whose children died. Being a parent isn't about making sure you have someone forever, it is about doing the best you can for them while you have that oppotunity."

I guess because it isn't like the old days where kids commonly die from infectious diseases and things, a lot of people are very uncomfortable with the idea that well cared-for, middle class children die in this day and age, but it is true and none of us are in a position to know our hearts won't be broken, no matter where our kids come from. Every time I have to spend part of a day at Children's Hospital with one of my kids, I am reminded of how "temporary" any of our "placements" might be--bio kids included

[diane beth]

Very good reply here Mallory. This is so true. I would like to add that they do grow up as well and leave the nest too. It happens so fast. I know we can still spend time with them but it isn't the same and they have their own lives. (Which of course is a good thing!)

[Gryph]

On letting them go,

It's hard for some when they have to go to residential. Some we are glad to see go, then I qualify it with "we do teenagers." For those who grow up with us, always return to their families, then come back. For the few that remain a part of the family, who have given us 4 grandchildren, it's worth it.

On in it for the money, I occasionally track expenses and income and decided to do it gain this year. so far this year we have the following data.
Income $769
Expenses $2,400
We spent $1,015 for a root canal not covered by Medicaid. Medicaid would pay part of the $150 to remove the tooth. Sure... we're in it for the money. Want to sign up?

[Mishagreen]

Thanks for all the input. Plenty of food for thought, and I definitely feel better armed to deal with ignorant comments.

[brl]

it all depends for me on the tone of the remark.

Some people are truly wanting to thank us for being foster parents but they don't know how to do it so they respond by telling us "I could not let them go" giving us a reason they are not foster parents!

They don't know some we usher out with great fanfare when mommy and daddy get it together!!

I am like you, I really don't know how to respond back.