[Forever_family]

ANY ADVICE. hints, help, predictions on how long I will have these kids? I'm feeling lost and unprepared. sorry if this is long.

We had a call for a temporary placement of a 6 month old and a 20 month old sibling set. The 6 month old was being released from the hospital with a fractured skull and spiral fracture on her leg. The leg was an old wound (or I was told that..seems i am getting a lot of misinformation... i'm sure you can all relate) I am happy to do this-I am loving the kids so don't misunderstand... Its just being my first placement I don't know what is going on and how to behave and the little things they don't explain in MAPPS training. The social workers treat me like i am a non-entity in all of this. Its weird i had no idea. They did not give me a medical card or permission to take kids to the doctor if needed. We did end up getting the flu bug-that was fun! Everyone was vomitting and I was really worried about the 20 month old. It was the middle of the night. I had nobody to call...That is another threat.

The 20 month old is fine as in no injuries. He had a CT scan performed and it was good he is having more testing done on Tuesday. Parents seem very bonded to the 20 month old, great parents, loving, nurturing, etc... I'm not sure about the baby as in I really don't know either way but I feel strongly they love and are bonded to the 20 month old and would never harm him. They seem much more concerned about him then the infant. It is strange to me. These are not parents who you would ever think could harm a child.

This is still under investigation. From what I gather dad is claiming the head injury was an accident. He doesn't seem to beleive she has a fracture on her leg (which doesn't make sense to me-like a doctor would make that up-anyway its not a very good excuse.) There are past domestic violence issues in the home but nothing serious it was a claim of emotional abuse by the mother of the children-okay again I'm gathering bits and peices here. We had our first hearing last week. The judge court ordered the children into protective services and only supervised visits. Parents did not have attorneys they were granted court appointed representation and a hearing is scheduled for Thursday. dad told me he passed the lie detector test-that made me feel really good-then he said that he was so nervous that on a scale of 1-6 he was at a 5. I have no idea what he is talking about but that made me feel like crap again. This baby almost died from the head injury, she wasn't breathing.... I want to beleive it was an accident and if it wasn't an accident I don't know how I will handle reunification.

I asked the worker if she thought they would remain with me after the hearing. She said there was no way of knowing. ONe other thing. ONe of the workers who dropped of the babies told me this was not a typical case because they had a "clean house." Not kidding but now I do understand what she meant at the time it seemed absurd. I'm sitting there looking at a baby with a fractured skull and a broken leg... "but they have a clean house." Anyway after meeting and talking with the parents I can see what she meant. Its hard they seem like such a loving mom and dad. I hope that it works out for the family. I have a feeling if the mom would leave dad they would give the her the children but she is standing by him.

I didnt' ask any questions but I have a million of them. Do I need to go to court this week? I went last time and felt like an idiot. NObody told me what the process was just to go to family court. I sat right next to mom and dad not realizing who it was. They had overheard me talking to the court clerk-which I found by accident- It was awkward for me. They seem like such nice people. They understand I did not take their kids from them. Anyway baby is awake and i must go (I'm so loving this part of being a foster mom!)

[Zoe_B]

That's good you got to meet the bparents. I think it really helps reduce thr risk of false alligations (them about you). I think it is a good idea to go to court hearings. We found we learned a lot, that we wouldn't hear otherwise.

As far as the abuse question, a clean house is absolutely no indication of a safe house...and that is absurd the SW would say that. Its true drug use has inundated the system with kids, and those homes are probably quite neglected.

I would demand a medical card, immediately with an email AND a call...and if you can't get through to the CW than ask for the receptionist to help you get immediate attention. They'll probably refer you to the medical insurance person.

[swsoutherlands]

I can hear myself in all your questions and concerns. I've had so many of them myself. We are now 6 weeks into our first placement and I've had lots of posts on this forum.

My husband goes to court because we got SOOOO fed up with the half answers we kept getting. We like all the people who are working on this case, but we never felt like were getting the whole truth. The first time I met the birth parents was miserable! I'm still not feeling comfortable around the birth mom, mostly because her new husband is an abusive jerk who makes my skin crawl.

My case worker said the same thing about my two kids having a clean home. And my response was: "Yeah, so what?" What's the point of having a clean home if it has meth in it? Big deal, any idiot can clean their house! )

Welcome to the roller coaster! Just hold onto the kids and love them. It's been so hard for me to hyper-focus on what the birth parents are or are NOT doing. When I start doing that, my feelings spiral out of control. It's not until I focus on my life and these kids that I feel like I'm doing a good job. Also, I've found that being a squeaky wheel-- if not a demanding, witchy one-- is very helpful in this system. I've demanded a lot, but I've also got these kids a lot of medical help that no one would have gotten them.

Oh, and classes can never prepare you for the harsh reality that exists in foster care. I've learned that myself.

Hang in there! Don't give up and keep talking. The more open and honest I am, the more hopeful I feel. And I LOVE this forum because it helps me realize that I'm NOT alone in this.

[cb131]

It is best to learn how to fly by the seat of your pants.Its not comfortable but never anything is for sure.I also sat next to mom & dad before they knew who I was & now dh has to go with me to any court hearings.Mom has mellowed some though.Hopefully you have a good cw who will help you with all the questions.Mine gave me all the ss# so they could get treated at the er,before the cards were issued.My 2 yr R has a Liver disease & that was all they told me when they dropped him off on a friday.So I got online to see what his med treated & I came up with a disease that had him only living to the age of 10.(It is not that disease,but boy was I sad)He is actually fine but he has some restrictions.Any way by mon.He had developed a fever & I was not sure what to do.I was calling every number I had asking if I can give him tylonel & no one would tell me yes or no finially dh came home & r fever was 103 & we were off to the er .That was a nightmare in itself because they needed all this info & I had none & it was all after hours any way I cried & r cried & they fixed him & we all rode off into the sunset lol.It was unforgetable.But it is much better now I feel almost like a seasoned vet.Drama Drama Drama

[Forever_family]

Our MAPPS trainers/social workers spoiled us! They were so good about returning calls and being helpful through that process. They sped us through the homestudy...walked us through it is more like it. I'm feeling so lost. LIke I don't know what my role is.

20 month old has really bonded to me since he was sick. He wants me and is scared when other people pick him up (dh, my sister in law, etc) I think he feels like he is going to be taken away. I asked mom and dad for a picture while we were at court. We had a visit scheduled for the following day and asked them to bring it for him. I laminated it and now he walks around showing it to everyone in the family telling us jabber stories about his mom and dad (he even talks to our dog.) He asks for mom and dad any time we get in the car. There are only a few words he will say and "mom and dad" are one of them. He asks with such a hopeful voice almost questioning. He is really missing them and its hard for me to see. Any advice on how to help him through this? I am hoping that the parents are telling me and everyone else the truth.

L

[AlekseiGirl]

I've been fostering for 6 months, and it is frustrating how kept in the dark foster parents are. I am pretty sure that I drive my CW nuts with questions. I call him almost every day, and it usually starts with, "I know you can't say for sure, but I'm just curious..."

For Christmas my CW bought me a calendar that says on the front, "Who goes where and when, but not why." LOL, I told him I got the hint!

[kforkids]

It IS so frustrating not to know.... had this same conversation with my mom this afternoon. It is my whole life that gets affected, and it can be VERY frustrating to have no or inaccurate info!

[momofmykids]

I nearly swallowed my teeth when I read your post. A spiral fracture is not an accident in a six month old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is a fracture where the leg or arm is twisted until it breaks!!! It can happen to older kids and adults when skating or something and twisting and falling and breaking a leg or ankle.

I did a google search and this is the definition I got.
Definition of Spiral fracture

Spiral fracture: A fracture, sometimes called a torsion fracture, in which a bone has been twisted apart.

They may be bonded to their 20 month old, but something is going on with that baby. Are you sure he's the dad? Could he be angry cause maybe he's not? Please, YOU have to be an advocate for these kids. Something is NOT right in this home!

[Forever_family]

Have to admit I am extremely naive. I had no idea that is what caused a spiral fracture. I'm really tired of not knowing anything. I suppose instead of relying on social workers I will have to do my own research. It was a social worker who told me she felt this was a good home and a "mistake" had been made in the removal of these children. Spiral fracture was an old fracture that had started to heal. The reason she is with me (and brother) is due to the skull fracture that recently happened and thank God she seems to have fully recovered. I am grateful for these boards. I get little from the social workers of value. I also do not have worker assigned for me. Or I do but when I call he says he is not my worker and does not have my case. I am told to go back to the worker who gave me his name and then the cycle starts again when she tells me that yes indeed he is my worker and to call him. I do not have medical cards for the kids. I don't know what is going on with this case. This is my first placment so as it is I am lost to how it all works. I mean I have studied and read the manuels but it is different.

Court is tomorrow and parents think they are getting baby and 20 month old back. I have heard enough from parents to highly doubt it. This could take hours to describe. Found out the baby almost died from the skull fracture. I don't think they the baby is going back and if that is the decision I will be heart broken.

I knew the parents a few days when I originally posted and was going off of what the social worker said to me and first impression of mom and dad. I'm seeing a lot more and my attitude has changed drastically after being around dad and mom for baby's doctors appointment and talking with them on the phone when they speak with the 20 month old (he enjoys talking to his mom and dad on speaker phone).

Today I'm almost numb I am so upset at this point. There has been a lot that has transpired since I last wrote. I love the kids but I don't know if I am cut out for handeling the parents. I'm not optomistic about this home anymore. However, 20 month old is so bonded to dad. This is an extremely difficult time for him. I 'm going to post more about this in a different thread. I'm feeling emotionally drained right now.

L

[mcnh63]

Can you call the worker's supervisor? We were told that at anytime we were not getting questions answered or the worker was not calling us back, we shuld call their supervisor.

Also, I'm surprised you have had so much contact with the Bio Family. We were told that our contact would all be through the county until some time went by.

I don't know if I would feel comfortable giving a bio family my phone number so soon.
I'm not saying anything is wrong with this... just wondering.....

Let us know what happens in court. And good luck with everything.