[GingerR]

Have you ever thrown in the towel out of sheer frustration with the cw and circumstances of a foster child's case?

We are thisclose to reaching that point.

We have had our 4 year-old fd for 10 months. We were told that within 2 months of her placement, TPR was going to begin (that would've been May). Her cw resigned and since then, the case has actually regressed. Long story short, her new cw came in and had the goal of TPR changed to reunification, but now reunification is up in the air because dad seems to be taking some backwards steps.

One advantage of the longevity is that it gave us the time necessary to determine that sadly, she was just not a good match for us adoption-wise. When we realized this, we started advocating to have her placed with her brother so that whatever happened, they would at least be together. He has moved 3 times since we've had "M", and not once have they looked for a home that would take them together. And there is absolutely no reason not to... there's no history between them of abuse or inappropriate behavior. They're rowdy, but what siblings aren't.

They have once again moved her brother this week without even asking the foster parents if they would consider taking M as well. Now we are being told that they have NO IDEA how much longer this case could drag on. It depends on if dad gets it together... what so-and-so recommends at the next staffing... what the General Master will say at the next Judicial Review (60 days from now).

Meanwhile, we don't want to disrupt her life if at all possible, but at the same time, it is preventing us from being able to take a child who might be a good fit. (we already have a one-year-old, and taking another while we have M would just be too much).

It's just criminal how M and her brother are languishing in foster care because no one will make a move either way. It's all extensions, extensions, extensions, let's meet back here again to discuss such-and-such in 60 days, blah, blah, BLAH. M and bro have been in foster care since 2003. She was 2 years old, and is going to turn 5 next week.

Any feedback from your own situations? There are a lot of other negative factors as well, mainly that she has some serious emotional and behavioral problems and we are traditional foster care. I just don't know if we can continue to do this without any end in sight... not even a rough guesstimate.

Argh!

Ginger

[TexasJingles]

Just a thought as I read your post. Perhaps they don't want the 2 together yet because of the brother? If he's having to be moved that many times, there are some problems and putting them together may not be in your fd's best interest...until he gets under control (or the help and stability he needs to do that).

[GingerR]

Hey TexasJingles,

The brother was moved the first time because he was with a homosexual couple, and when they thought TPR was imminent, they moved him to a couple who could adopt (gay adoption is not legal in Florida). Then in his subsequent homes, the foster parents moved out of state.

So, color me confused as to why there hasn't been any effort to put them together!

[TexasJingles]

Color me confussed too then! Wow!

My kids were just lucky. They were seperated for many years before finally being put back together with us (there are 3). If it hadn't been for the cwr J had and his sibs coming back into care, they probably wouldn't be together today. And J's last fp's were very pushy about getting them together. They have worked in the system, so they knew who to push.

Is there anyone you can rattle their chains, so to speak, to let them know in loud terms that you do not want to adopt, that these 2 NEED to be together? Do they visit? They can be the biggest help in this matter. The more they beg their cwr's and therapist and everyone, the better someone might listen.

Wish I could wave a magic wand for them. <sigh> Hang in there.

[echobunny89]

I am surprised the case worker is not taking your offer to place the siblings together more seriously. I know in my case, the girls I am working on adopting were placed seperatly because the state could not find a foster placement that would take all three together. When I contacted the SW about visits and offered my home as a possible placement, the SW jumped at the chance to meet me and my family and see my home to see if it would be a possible placement for the girls. The SW has been wonderful and very supportive, not to mention going out of her way to try and accomidate my needs so that the girls can be placed with me eventually. She even made phone calls to expedite my foster care license because the red tape was slowing things down. I would think that placing siblings TOGETHER should be priority #1 unless the kids are abusive to each other, which doesn't seem to fit in your case. Maybe there are reasons that haven't been made aware yet? Or maybe the case worker is just lazy and doesn't want to bother? Hopefully this will get cleared up and the little ones can be together again. Like the other posters have said, rattle all the chains you can until someone gives you an answer or does something to get these children back together!

[GingerR]

There's a meeting scheduled for next week to discuss where the case is at, etc. It's been cancelled twice already, so I should probably say, "hopefully" there's a meeting next week.

I think I'm just equally aggravated, not only with keeping the siblings separated despite our request and the childrens' expressed desires (especially the brother), but at how LONG this is taking. There's an expression that comes to mind that I can't say here because it begins with an expletive, but seriously -- do something one way or another. If they go back to dad, get the ball rolling. If they're going to be adopted, get the ball rolling. There "is" a law in place about children who are in foster care 15 out of 22 months, and these have been IN foster care for 27 consecutively with no apparent end in sight. It's just wrong.