[madfostermomma]

I recently had a fd in my home for 15 months who came to us at 13months old. We absolutely fell in love with her and when she was reunified last month with a person that I dont see as fit and where I am not completely satisfied she is safe, I was devastated. She was 27 months old and way above average intelligence.

10 days after she left we agreed to an a placement for 2 fost adopt boys ages 4 and 2 ( who will be 3 in February ). I'm still not sure why I agreed as I really even didnt have time to mourn the loss of my little girl, but I did and they came

These guys are totally differernt - the 4 yr old has been in 4 homes plus numerous respite care homes. He has massive speech delays plus some cognitive delays. He talks but it's hard to discern what he says a lot. The youngest has motor skill problems and speech delays.
They both need a lot of attention.

I am trying to bond but it's just not the same as my other foster daughter. I love her so much and still miss her immensely. I know it's not these guys faults and I am trying but God some days it's hard.

I am not truly bonded to them although I have gotten better and am getting fond of them. I keep telling my husband it's only been a month for them here and they are older so it's harder. I know it took a few months to bond with her but for some reason I am beating myself up for not being in total love with them.

I just need some reassurance that the fake it til you make it approach is okay and that things will get easier as time goes on. Anyone have any similar stories? Sorry with Christms and everything I just needed to vent - last night was a rough one thinking about her and having the oldest hang on me and call me mommy.

[AmyAnne]

It's hard with the older kids... because it takes time to love... TRULY love them. And they need that love IMMEDIATELY, so you have to fake it for awhile. I hope it gets better for you soon!!

[DianeScraps]

I think fake it is probably the key right now, and give yourself time to get through the holidays, they just bring up extra chances for extra emotions.

Hugs

Diane

[jandn]

I also had a little one leave right before my adoptive placement came. It was so hard to grieve and be excited at the same time. I had to fake it until I made it too.....but I made it Time was the only thing that helped us.

[5starday]

As parents, we are expected to be perfect. As a foster mom, we have to fake it a lot for the sake of the children.

I know it isn't easy, but putting on that smile and giving those hugs is the best thing that can happen for those children right now. I know you are secretly crying inside for your little girl, but perhaps every time you get a returned smile from one of the boys you will get that much closer to being okay with her leaving.

One step at a time. One smile at a time. One hug at a time. It takes just that: time.

Hang in there!

[madfostermomma]

Thanks everyone- Christmas day went fairly well- both sides spolied kids beyond belief- I have been blessed with having both my family and my in laws support us as we foster so children are treated no differently than if they were our own. ( cant however find my living room floor...lol) Sis in law gave me a beautiful pic of my former fd sleeping that was done last month before she left which of course started the water works.

I am faking it - kids get kisses and hugs and lots of love yous- they are eating it up. Me? Maybe I'll be a better once TPR is done - in process now- between that and time we should be okay. Will always love my princess and have room in our home for her. Not ready to give up hope that she'll be coming home someday yet.

Taking One Day at a Time.

[MatthewS]

I think the foster family of our little girl had a very similar experience. They had her for 9 months before she came to us for permanent adoption. They have clearly bonded and we collectively made the decision that the foster family should stay very involved in our little girl's life.

We've had her for almost 4 months. We did the fake it schtick at first. And its funny, I think when you fake it suddenly you find that you're not faking it anymore...

Stick in there, it will get MUCH better and I'm sorry you miss your little foster daughter.