[echobunny89]

Well T moved in today! She brought with her a huge box of clothes that are two sizes two small. What do I do with these clothes? Is it OK to donate them or throw them out if they are not wearable? Or should I store them on the slight chance that she is moved again, even thought she can't wear any of them? Since these clothes are belongings of my soon to be adoptive daughter I don't know if I have the right to dispose of them. My adoptive daughter moved in today and brought with her a huge box of clothes that are two sizes two small. What do I do with these clothes? We both went through them together and she picked out what she liked and what she didn't like or didn't fit her and we put them in two seperate piles.

I can't wait to take her on a shopping spree for new clothes during Xmas vacation. Even her eye-glasses need replacing. It is a pair of glasses made up from three different pairs and nothing matches, it is awful that she had to wear these to school!

The SW was soooo happy to bring T to my home today that she had tears in her eyes and gave me a HUG! It is nice when you have the child's SW in your court! I can't begin to tell you what a huge relief it is to finally have her here and know that she is happy and SAFE!

[AwaitingBeloved]

Hi Anne,
I hope you don't mind my popping in...

I don't know if there are any legal reasons not to donate the clothes, but if they are of no use to you, I think donating them to the foster system or goodwill would be wonderful.

I also see in your signature the size of your family! Your kids are going to love having so many siblings when they're older.....I love being one of four kids, so I love seeing other big families. Just wanted to share. :-)

And congratulations getting your foster daughter home!

[echobunny89]

AwaitingBeloved: Thanks for your reply! I was planning on donating them to the Rhode Island Foster Care Association through their donation exchange program. I will check with the SW to make sure it is OK first, the way I look at it, these clothes belong to T and I don't have the right to give them away so I want to make sure it is OK first.

I am soooo happy today! Of course T is having mixed emotions which is to be expected. She misses her bio-mom and I think it really set in today that she won't be returning to her. Adoption is a life-altering event for a child and I can only imagine what is going on in her little head.

Looks like foster care adoption runs in my family! My aunt just had a 7 week old baby placed with her family yesterday! They are hoping to adopt this little one as the bio-mom has recently lost her other 2 children for abuse and neglect. But of course we all know that nothing is ever as easy as it seems with these things!

[dadfor2]

hi echo,

Where did she get the clothes from? did she get them from her birthparents?

she just moved in today...i wouldnt throw or give away anything this soon.

I think for now, i would just put them in her room, she just got there. You never know if she wants them for any 'memory' or something.

but thats what i would do. maybe in about 6 months, you can bring them out again and ask what she wants to do with them.

foster kids lose so much, and even things that seem like 'garbage' to us, can mean the world to them, but they are unable to really tell us. but then again, the stuff can mean absoutly nothing to them.

so id hold onto to them for a little a while.

plus, she might be going through some emotions and you dont want it to bite you in the butt..."I cant believe you threw away all my clothes...i hate you!!!!!!!!"

some kids are masters of finding out where our buttone might be.

Plus, you do have a younger daughter and i think T would really feel great to see her in a few years wearing some of her old clothes.

what a wonderful way to really feel like she belongs. but then again, ive been known to get a little sentimental sometimes...lol

[echobunny89]

dadfor2: Believe it or not, quite a bit of the clothes were given to her brand new by me or hand-me-downs from my other girls. T is the smallest of all my girls ( I have 4 now!) at a size 8 slim so there is no one to hand them down too. The rest were bought by the previous FM. I know what you mean about being sentimental about clothes. I found a flannel nightgown in the box that I had made for T for Xmas 4 years ago! It is so small! I think I will just store the box in my cedar closet in the basement and if they are still there in 6 months or so, will donate them.


Thanks!

[kforkids]

WWWOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so glad she is moved in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Talk to T and the SW about the clothes.... I'd store them for a bit and then donate if you get the okay....

[Kate1129]

Congratulations!!

I'd hold onto them for a while at least. But once the adoption is final, I'd donate them.

[5starday]

Since T is old enough to talk about the clothes, why don't you ask her? If there is something sentimental and she wants to keep it, let her. If nothing else matters to her, I would donate them.

When A came to us, she was only 4 months old. We had a small bag from the emergency receiving home that had 2 outfits in it that was supposed to be from the birth mom. I have kept those outfits. The rest of the clothes were were too small. We had to buy her all new clothes too. I held on to the small items for 10 months and then got the green light from her case manager that it was okay to tonate them.

[TexasJingles]

Boy can I relate! When our 3 arrived, a lot of their clothes were not appropriate (for our house, or school, or wrong sizes). Our youngest (then 7, now 8) didn't really care about the clothes -- he only came with 1 pr of long pants and the shorts he was wearing...lots of everything else, just not enough things to wear on the bottom! (no pun intended)

C had (has) a couple of ... well, warm-ups is the closest thing I can call them... that bmom gave to her. They were WAY too big, and yet, were (and are) worn out. I cringe when she wears them, but we've gotten her to just wear them as pj's. She has new pj's now and I rarely seen the bmom's. After a year of a better quality and style of clothes, C isn't so quick to pull the old clothes out.

M has 2 pairs of shorts that bmom gave him. He's just about too big for them, and he's almost ready to get rid of them.

We just waited them out. Either they out grew them and suggested they go, or we put them up for a while. There's no rush.

[Boulderbabe]

FWIW, I saved all the clothes my son brought with him when he came, and all the clothes his bpars bought for him. It's not much, but it's something from them, and he might want it in the future. I figure, it's his to to decide what to do with, not mine.

If there's a whole lot of clothes, keep the ones that seem nicest or somehow special to her, maybe?

[AmyAnne]

TexasJingles:

Austin was like that... shorts, jeans, shirts out the Wazoo... NO PJ's or underpants or socks hardly! He is insistent on keeping only one item of clothing, a shirt that belonged to his older (bio) brother. I would never ask him to part with that. Everything else, he was okay with us donating to Goodwill, in stages. We didn't take it all at first, but every 4 months or so, we do a clothing try-on session. More and more "pre-us" clothes get into that pile every time.