[squeek]

Hey,

You all may remember the situation I had a month and a half ago with our fosterson. I'll give just a brief synopsis so maybe you all can give me some guidance/advice.

We had our fosterson placed with us in April. He really was a dream placement up until September and his behavior became very defiant. We tried for nearly 2-months to get DSS to help us further with more counseling. (This icon shows the response I got ) Anyway, we made the decision to ask that he be placed in a different home. We weren't giving up on him, we gave up on the system. During the time he was with us I had a so-so relationship with his mom and stepfather (whom she is seperated). After he left we attended a court hearing for him because we really want to adopt him, DSS is aware of this. His mom isn't going to get him back, it's just a matter of time for the court to TPR. During the first court hearing I had made a CD with all of the pictures we had taken over the 7 months he was with us. 3 weeks later a second hearing was held, we also attended this one. We wanted to show DSS that we DO care. They were making us sound like the ones who were being put before the judge. It was awful.

Last night out of the blue we got a call from birthmom (never had she called me) I had given stepdad our #. She was hysterical. It's been just about a month since the last court date. All's this woman wants is to know that her son is ok and to hear his voice. I felt horrible because I know the games DSS is playing with her and I know she's not going to see him again. She told me that if she couldn't have him she wanted us to have him. She knows we love him and he'd be taken care of with us. She also knows that I wouldn't take away her ability to have contact with him. So very frustrating.

So..my ??? for you experts out there...
1. Can birthmom sign over custody if he's in fostercare or can only DSS now do that??

2. Do you all think I am crazy for giving this woman the friendship that I'd want if my child were taken from me??

[mckenna]

my foster daughter's bmom wanted to sign over custody to a friend, after the baby was in foster care and the judge would not allow it. she said that the family could be investigated as a "kinship" placement but she could not sign her rights to this couple. they later failed the background check as the father had active warrents out for his arrest

[BrandyHagz]

Can I ask why you asked to have him moved when his behavior got bad, if you hoped to adopt him?

[5dogz]

Once DHS takes custody they become the legal guardians of the child and any family the child is placed with must be a certified foster family. Once TPR has occurred the parent has NO rights any longer and it is up to DHS to decide upon a permanent placement for the child. We had a foster daughter placed with us as a pre-adoptive placement and she had an opportunity to move with friends who had become certified foster parents. This family was located very near her sister who had been adopted by another family, and our foster daughter wanted to go. We consented but once she had moved we felt we had made a mistake and we tried to get her back. We couldn't even get anyone at DHS to return our calls or answer our letters. We were told that we could have fought the move before it occurred, but since we consented to it and she was no longer in our home we had no rights. I'm sorry I don't have anything more hopeful to say. In my experience DHS pretty much calls the shots about placement, and if they feel there is a chance you will not stick with this child for the long haul (especially since you requested to have him moved out of your home) they are not likely to place him back with you.

[squeek]

5dogz and Brandy too,

We are on the same boat. At the time we truly felt that he needed a more theraputic home and by letting him go we were doing what was best for him. I didn't think that DSS would turn on us and make us the "bad parents." Thankfully, I still have a great relationship with his guardian ad-litam who is trying to get him placed back here.

I guess over the long term we'll just have to wait and watch!

It's a disgusting system we work with!!!