HELP !!! With 7 yo

bjhv5 · #1 12-18-2005, 02:46 PM

Well I know alot of you know that we have 2 out of a set of 4 sibs and have tried to get the older 2 placed with us and were told NO due to the number of children even though they can come over for visits and weekend stay etc.
Well they just left about 30 min ago and I hate to say it but I am glad!

I should not feel this way. It is not the 3 yo even though she needs some work on manners and following rules.It is the 7 yo. She is defiant(?) and lies as well as wants to be ths boss

.I understand she was the "mom" for a while with the 2 Younger ones ( the 3 yo and the 18 month old) We have said that we want to adopt all 4 of them if and when it goes to TPR.But Everyone in the house has questioned weather or not it would be a good idea to adopt her! HOW HORRIBLE is that?? I mean I must be a monster

for even thinking that!
I keep telling myself with time,love, consistance,rules and trsut she will get better and stop the lies and not obeying the rules.
Any one that has delt with that or any thing like this PLEASE let me know!!!!!! We have not delt with older foster children before the only thing I can compare it to is with my step dd that we now have custody of.She was raised where telling lies was a part life and accepted.
I want her to be a part of our family if possible but I do not know how to handle her!!
Thanks for any in put.
They are coming back over on Christmas eve.

AmyAnne · #2 12-18-2005, 06:05 PM

Been there, my friend! Austin still lies quite often and we have to fight him for control. It CAN be done but will be a lot of work. I think you'll need a therapist on board, and will possibly need to look at attachment therapists, and make sure 7 YO doesn't have RAD or ODD or something. Feel free to PM me and I'll help you any way I can

lucyjoy · #3 12-18-2005, 07:07 PM

It might not be in the 7 year olds best interest to stay with her siblings. She may not feel like she can be a child. I think it will likely take much more then love and consistant rules to help her to trust. She may need attachment therapy. You may wish to visit www.radzebra.org and www.attachment.org

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