[PAmomof1]

I finally got a call on Friday regarding Christmas presents for my 1 year old foster daughter. Since she's my first placement, I wasn't quite sure how my agency handles Christmas gifts etc.

She called and basically told me that since I take such good care of my fd and buy her lots of special items all the time that she "knew" I had Christmas covered for her. She also went on about how a lot of foster parents do not provide a good Christmas for the foster children so instead of giving my fd all the presents that they received for her, she gave them to other foster kids in the agency who were less fortunate

This made me extremely upset. This woman isn't my caseworker, she's the mother's caseworker and she is supposed to come out to the home (I believe twice per month) I've had the baby since February and she's only been out ONE TIME.

How does she know what the baby needs or not, and how does she know what kind of care I am providing for the baby?

True indeed I did go out and buy her Christmas toys, and clothes because that's what parents do. It is my responsibility to take care and provide for her. However, I didn't think that it was right for her to make a decision like that!!!!!

[gregorysparents]

I think that this lady should have asked you if you would like these gifts or if you would like her to give these gifts to someone that MIGHT need them more.

I am not sure how private agencies work because I am state licensed. Does your fd have the same cw as her birth mother? Is CASA or GAL involved in your case?

As for coming out to the home - in Indiana - our caseworkers have to come to the home once every two months. Twice a month seems like a lot of work for the caseworkers.

Good luck to you. I am thankful that you can and will provide a nice Christmas for your fd.

Christina

[PAmomof1]

I live in PA, Allegheny County. I'm not with a private agency either.

We have two caseworkers involved with the case. My family caseworker and then the mother's caseworker (she's the one I spoke to) who is also my fd's.

GAL is involved also (sends an assistant right before the court hearings).

Whenever we go to hearings there are always two CASA there, but they've never contacted me or come out to the come.

The family caseworkers are to come out to the home 2x's per month (that's mandatory). She comes out each time, never complains and is always on top of her job.

I just didn't think it was fair that they gave all her stuff away. My goodness, lol.

I do try my best to take care of her. She's still an infant so it is sooo much fun to shop for her, the little clothes and toys are a lot of fun at this age. Plus I'm really looking forward to her reaction on Christmas Day! Babies First Christmas!

[leaabc123]

I think she should have at least asked you if that was okay as a courtesy. Regardless of whether she had presents or not, those were meant for her.

[5starday]

That is simply not right. Those gifts were most likely donated by a church or another organization who intended to provide a gift or gifts for your foster daughter. That woman had absolutely no right to take those from her.

I would speak to a supervisor about her behavior. If she is going to act that way with something like this, imagine how she'll act on other situations without your knowledge. I also think it is important that you express your feelings to the woman so that it doesn't happen again.

Unbelievable!

[mallory4]

Reading other posts in recent weeks about holiday gifts, I was wondering why we haven't heard a word about gifts from either our agency or the county.

I kind of figured it was because our workers knew that we would treat R like one of our kids and if they had gifts or funds to distribute among foster kids, the workers would know kids who really needed them.

That didn't bother me at all--and if I was a donor who found out that the gifts I donated for one foster child I don't know were in fact given to another child I don't know whose need was greater, that wouldn't bother me either.

What I find so sad is that there are apparently foster parents out there, like the ones PAMom's worker was talking about, who don't provide much for their foster kids. Like so many of the other things foster kids are constantly deprived of, holiday gifts don't have to cost much, but not having them, or not having them given graciously, has to really stink.

[hotspice58]

In New York (Suffolk County, LI), the agency has a Christmas party and the kids get one gift. They don't do anything else. I've heard that there's money for the kids to buy gifts for their bio family but I've never seen that either. I take my foster kids to buy the gifts.

[jackiesbooks]

A local church buys gifts for all the foster children in our county.

[echobunny89]

Foster kids in Rhode Island get a few gifts from different non-for profits agencies and also from Hasbro. Hasbro is based here in Rhode Island and they donate a large amount of toys every year, not just for the kids in DCYF custody but for children whose parents are on welfare. Kudos to Hasbro!

I've also heard that the foster parent gets $25 extra in December's stipend that is supposed to be spent on the child.

I did the Christmas shopping for all 7 of my children (4 bio and 3 foster/visiting resource) and needless to say I am completely BROKE! The bio-grandmother bought them some gifts but no one else in their bio-family did, not even the mother or father.

[kaylasmom]

Here in California, we have whats called the christmas cottage, county homes get a wish list paper to fill in 2 most wanted gifts, when they are filled by ppl in the area, we get called.

I would be very mad if a sw gave my kids gifts away, these gifts are bought for theses kids, and for a sw to give them away is rude.

I think I would talk to my sw and let her know what happened, we treat all 5 of our fosterkids just like our own 2, and i'd be mad if someone gave what belonged to my kids away.

I am glad you can afford gifts, but that doesn't make it right.

[shycar]

I can not believe she gave it away. Thats sad. No matter what that was her gift and it was your choice or the choice of the child to give it away to someone else.

Our agency give out $25.00 gift certificate from Target for each child. We got for our kidos Yesterday. I plan to go tomorrow to the store and buy them each something and wrap it up for them. There are other programs with the counties where you can get gifts for the kids, but since our agency is good providing for them that I leave that for others.

[PAmomof1]

I can afford to buy gifts thankfully , but I agree with you guys that stated that's not the point.

I understand that there are kids in fostercare who have fosterparents who do not provide adequately for their children.. ashame and it shouldn't happen, but it does. I agree with trying to even things out so that all the kids in fostercare at least get something. but apparently this is not what the caseworker did.

When I contacted my caseworker she found out that the other caseworker actually gave all of my foster daughter's stuff away. That is simply not right.

The thing that really bothers me the most is that she keeps ranting and raving about how well I take care of my fd, and how much I provide for her.. but I can't help but wonder how does she know this? She's only been out 2 x's in 10 months. That's what's really making me angry.

What if I had lost my job? Or anything. I think that she could have at least asked. I would not have had a problem with sharing presents at all. It's Christmas time and it's the season for giving and sharing and I'm all for it. But I do felt that she was extremely inconsiderate.

[wrekdiver]

[quote=PAmomof1]
She also went on about how a lot of foster parents do not provide a good Christmas for the foster children so instead of giving my fd all the presents that they received for her, she gave them to other foster kids in the agency who were less fortunate
ONE TIME[quote]

PA, I can't believe she just blurted it out like that. To be so insensitive--ESPECIALLY AT CHRISTMASTIME! Bah-hum-bug. That was meanspirited of the agency to forget about your fd. But, it's wonderful that she has you watching out for her.


On a different note-

We got a call from our sws yesterday that our son was chosen as a christmas kid. I didn't get many details but it sounded like the sw's all got together to choose one child and he was it. They bought over 3 bags filled with gifts They were so generous.

Hope everyone has a MERRY, MERRY, MERRY CHRISTMAS