[swsoutherlands]

It's such an emotional rollercoaster with the two foster kids I have. At first we though they'd definately go home within a few months, then we thought they might stay and become adoptable, then another family members stepped up to take them, but failed their background check, and now we're left without any idea whatsoever what will happen in the next 8 months. The parents are already starting to flake on some parts of their service plan-- besides both being on meth, which has a LOOOOOWWWW recovery rate. How do you keep yourself sane? How do you keep your hope alive?

We intended to foster to adopt since we can't have any more children of our own. We really hoped to be able to adopt our first placement, but these kids have soooo many issues because of their parents, aunts, and ICWA (they are half Navajo) it's totally a wild card as to what will happen with them. Even our seasoned Guardian Ad Litem and social workers are at a loss to say what will happen (even within the next month!) I find myself hoping for them to stay forever, then pushing that thought far away as soon as something happens that makes me think that they are going home in 8 months.

Up and down; back and forth; I never know where I stand or what to expect. Somehow I need to be able to let go of wanting to know what's going on because it's making it sooo much harder to really love these kids. But loving them is so hard, because if they just leave..... Sigh. Please help me know how you who have been doing this for a long time deal with these issues. Thanks.

[jenf]

I am in the same position as you, so I sympathize with you! My two have been with us for 8 months and we still don't know what our future holds. It is really hard- I just keep telling myself God won't give us more than we can handle. Right now, we're preparing for a great Christmas with the boys and trying not to look too far ahead. Just enjoying each day we have with them. Good luck!

[sbeardz]

I'm right there with you! I have a 13 month old who has been with me about 3 1/2 months. It looked like adoption was a "sure thing" but I still kept my guard up... for the first month or so...and now I'm head-over-heels! His grandmother asked for his eating/sleeping schedule yesterday and I called the caseworker first thing this morning to ask if anything had changed. She gave all indications that he would be returning to them unless something major came up in their psych. evals. This was completely different than the original picture that was painted. I have been bawling all day. I knew it was a legal risk when I agreed to take him, but it just looked so good...or I wouldn't have done it. It would be different if I knew he was in good hands...but I know too much and the thought of what he will return to kills me. I have said from the beginning that if he left that there was a reason and I would trust that it was for the best. I still believe that, but it doesn't help the pain in my heart.

[saxxxy]

Hi,

Our first foster daughter was three when she came to us and we had her for eight months and were told she would be ours forever. She has now been adopted by her aunt and uncle.
Our second foster daughter came to us at two weeks old and eventually went to family.
Our foster son was three and he just left our home a week ago and went to an aunt.

We were told all three times that these children would be our forever children; just to have them end up with family.

I keep myself sane by knowing that these children needed somebody to love them like they were my own even if it was only for a short time that I had them. I know that God sent them to us for us to help them and them to help us. They each blessed us with so much love and we learned new life lessons from each of them.

I know that it is hard. I also know that it is worth it. We are fortunate in that each of their families are great family and they have all been willing to remain open with us and send us updates on the children and even let us see them sometimes.

I also agree that it is hard to love them unconditionally when we don't know if we are forever parents or babysitters. I always have to remind myself that they need all my love regardless of what the outcome is to be.

I don't know if any of that rambling helped, but if you need to chat with somebody who understands feel free to pm me.

Good luck to you and your family.

[cb131]

I am feeling uncertain also.Both dads signed tpr now we just need to worry about mom.There were like 3 visits in a row that she would comment about letting them stay here because they seem happy & she says "well they really seem to want my kids so I think I will them them keep them."But on her last baby visit (wich there have been 8 & she has showed for 3)she complained about EVERYTHING.Saying we were mean to the baby & the formula was wrong.The nails too long bla bla bla.She didn't even change the baby's diaper,the dad did.Then by the end dad sat there rolling cigirettes & she sat there complaining to the driver,while the baby was in the car seat.So she is probably going to flip flop the whole way.I am just hoping it does not take the full 2 yrs,because mom has nothing better to do.

[Boulderbabe]

Welcome to the wonderful world of fost/adopt! It's a warm, cuddly, lovely sort of hell, if you know what I mean!

I thought the roller coaster was so hard, it would break my heart in two. Honestly, I don't think there's any way to get through it except to get through it, if you know what I mean. I'm not much of a drinker, but when the going got tough, a stiff martini was all that kept me moving forward. :-)

Just hang out here, and get lots of support and help from people who know what it's like.