[MattsBamaGirl]

I was wondering if I could get some advice from some of you...please. And would really love it if you were frm Alabama but anybody's is much appreciated.

Here's a little background:

Foster sn came to us at 2 days old in Aug. 04. In Sept. 04 bdad's paternity was established. Bdad has mental problems that keep him from being able to parent. Bgma did not want to take him in the beginning but two weeks later called and said she did. In the meantime we went to court for TPR on bmom and that was granted but she appealed it. During the appeal the homestudies were started and we didn't get word from the homestudies until March 05. Back up just a bit before we heard from the homestudies and aunt and uncle step up and say they want him if bgma can't get him. When we went for the meeting and met the aunt and uncle they declined because they said he was in a loving home and thought he was where he should be. After finding out that the homestudies were unfavorable we continued to let them visit since we were still waiting on the appeal for bmom. Adoption couldn't happen until that was over. We found out in October 05 that appeal was affirmed and we waited on a certificate from the state saying judicial review was over for bmom. Got the certificate and tentatively scheduled bdad to sign papers yesterday. Bgma blew up and said she didn't like the fact that I worked and didn't like having to sign papers before Christmas. Next day bdad's attorney called and said that bdad's sister that lived out of town would like to adopt. Ok...first.......Bdad signed a paper stating that bgma was the only interested resource. Second.....all siblings of bdad were sent a certified letter stating that if they wanted to be considered as a placement they had to file a petition in our county for custody and then they would conduct a homestudy. That was in February.......all siblings stated they were NOT interested. The sister that is wanting him even made the extra effort to call cw and tell her that she was not interested. Why did she wait until now to come forward that he is 16 months old and she's never laid eyes on him. She's never visited nothing. Agency is pushing for foster son to stay with us because of bonding issues. During the permancy planning in August of 05 bdad and bgma both stated that the plan was for him to be adopted by us the foster parents. So my question what do you think our chances are? Agency says that it is too late and that the judge doesn't look very good upon a relative that comes forward so late. What do you think?

[leaabc123]

Anything can happen at this point, we lost our previous fson to relatives who did not want him at first. One of them had custody and left him in court one day. yes, she physically left him in court and then months later came forward and said she changed her mind.

The relative who got him was one who told the worker, in the beginning, that she was too old and had too many health issues.

Well, she also changed her mind when it looked like a tpr was going to be filed and got custody. The judge ignored the prior histories and all of the health issues.

[locoenlacabeza]

I agree ^^^ Anything can happen. We just lost one baby to family that was previously contacted and declined to become involve. Now we are losing our boys to family as well. Of course this is all pending a judges ruling, but they will likely go with family that they have never met, and don't have any type of bond with. They are 4 and 5 yeard old.

[Mom2J]

MattsBamaGirl,

I can only give you an idea of what I think from my own personal experience. I'm a relative placement of a child that was in foster care.

With our case, the bmom and bdad, first told the SW, that nobody in the family would be willing to take the youngest 2-children, when in fact, the oldest was with gma. The gma spoke with my sister and I the first time the children went into care, (she didn't want the boys, only the daughter) but the bmom was working reunification and with crossing state lines, we would have never even gotten the children before they were returned to bmom. (We were never contacted by anyone in the foster care system about anything.)

We thought all was going well in reunification, until we learned (months later) that the children had been removed again and bdad's family couldn't pass a homestudy and the children would stay in foster care. Bmom said the entire time, that there was no one willing to take the children, because she thought if she said nobody would take them, she'd just get them back.

My sister and I had to sit on the CW to get her to even acknowledge us. We did in fact sue for custody of the boys, but in our cases, neither foster family wanted to adopt, but the CW wanted the youngest one to go with a friend of hers and she didn't care where the oldest went. Bmom finally said (before she left the state never to return for "rehab" again) that my sister and I would be willing to take the boys.

The major thing I see for this case going in your favor, is the fact you've had the child for this length of time. It's difficult to say about what the bfamily is telling, because I know for a fact, the bmom in our case, lied tremendously about everything. I also think I would truly not worry too much if I were you, because this sister, would also have to pass a homestudy and that's another hurdle that could stand in their way. (Not saying she can't, but just saying wait and see if she does.)

I have always felt that if a "SUITABLE" relative can be found in a timely manner, the child should stay with family, but that isn't always the best thing for "every" child. I hope and pray this child stays with you as your forever son. He deserves a wonderful family that truly wants him and I think he's found it in you.

Mom2J.

PS- The boys were in foster care in Alabama and yes, I do know a lot about the system in that state. You can PM me and I'll tell you the county they were in.

[leastofthese]

What does your case worker say? I'm not in Alabama, but, in my neck of the woods, if the siblings of the birthparent had been notified, and declined--by telephone, or in writing, they would be ruled out and not re-considered 16 months after the fact! Especially since there've been no visits or any other contact.

I would imagine the chances of this little one going to that aunt & uncle are slim to none. Has a homestudy been done on them? Did they mention why all of a sudden they decided he's worth their attention?

It really bothers me when folks wait so long to step up to the plate for their family members. It is a true picture of how REALLY committed that they are to this boy. If they really cared, they'd've been here when he came into care in the beginning.

When we were completing our adoption, the birth grandfather of our children came forward wanting the children at the VERY end, after the children had been in care (in 3 different homes, no less) for over 2 years. He'd known about them the whole time and had been to visit them once. The case worker didn't give him the time of day.

[MattsBamaGirl]

Thanks for all the replies and encouragement. If I understood right they are going to have a meeting with the supervisor, attorney, and director of the agency next week. From what the cw is telling me they are probably not going to do a homestudy and explain to the aunt that she can't just wait 16 months later to decide. However, she can file a petition in court to be considered and the judge can order a homestudy to be done on her which will of course lengthen the time that this child is with me and dh and would become more and more bonded. I mean I don't know how much more bonded he can be. He already calls us momma and dadda and calls nana and papa........oh it tears my heart out even thinking about it.

[villagemom]

Very interested in the final outcome. We have a similiar situation on the horizon. Baby has been with us since 5 days, she is 15 mos now....BioFather's sister has told me she wants to adopt if dad's rights terminate. She, as well as us, are confused why baby was not placed with her in first place. Not sure if it was a question of paternity or not. Frustrating---she is nice, but why is she waiting so long to take steps? Not to mention, as I've said in other posts...I really would like to know what is in the best interest of the child---does research prove that bio ties outweigh the early bonding that has happened in cases like these?

If anyone has info on that please pass it along. Thanks!

[MattsBamaGirl]

In my own opinion if a child had come to a family at around 1 year old or older and stayed 16 months and then was trying to be moved....maybe but when they come straight from the hospital as an infant the attachment is major. I think it would be detrimental to do this to a child at that age. These early months and years are crucial for a child. I hope your outcome is good as I do mine.

[mommyto9]

I'm also interested in the outcome of this, as we are also dealing with a similiar situation.

We've had one fs for 2 yrs in Jan. and his brother since he was 2 days old (now 9 mos). No one in the family wanted them. Now 2 years later, we have a distant cousin possibly interested, and someone that says they're a relative, but technically not a relative.

My cw says not to worry, b/c of the amount of time we've had the boys, and they (DCS) are recommending us for the adoption (if we EVER get to TPR).

We are having a bonding assessment done tomorrow night.

I'm like you, I can't even think about them leaving, it makes me almost physically ill!!

I'll pray for you and your family.

Please keep us posted!!!

[TexasJingles]

I know every state is different, however, seems to me that most of you would have legal standing by now and could petition the court to be ... what's it called ... I forget the term, but it's where you have a say in what's going on because you have been with the child long enough to have a parent-child relationship. In Texas it's 12 months.

I've heard from others on this same situation and sometimes it seems that the biokin wait until the child is healthier (in drug affected babies), or out of the infant stage (more interactive, and out of the night feedings, or sleeping through the night).

I'm not saying that's what's happening in anyones situation, just remembering what others have said in the past. Hang in there! Although anything can happen, I hope the judge goes with what's best for the child.