[Mammie]

Hi everyone,

Has anyone had problems, as a foster parent, dealing with the public school system?

For example:

* not taking you seriously, (or treating you like you are "ONLY" the foster parent - and not the bio parent)

* not supporting you when you need to take the child out of school for visitation or therapy on a regular basis

* not looking out for the best interest of the foster child (or not working with you reguarding special needs)

* or overreacting and calling protective services?

If so, what did you do?

Any feed back would be truly benefital, as we are yet again, butting heads with the school - on what we feel is clearly discrimination because the child is in foster care.

Thanking you in advance.

[moogiesmom]

we had the opposit, The school system was very supportive of both our fs who was adhd and our family. they went out of their way to make our f kids feel special.I hope this is the way most people feel.
Renee

[Ms. Jackie]

The Iowa Foster and Adoptive Parents Association has a training on this and a couple of brochures on how to advocate for your foster or adopted child. While some of the information is Iowa specific, some of it is applicable anywhere. If you would like to look at the brochures online or reques one via us mail, check out www.ifapa.org

[lucyjoy]

I had nightmare school issues. My kiddos lied a great deal and the school just didn't get this. They hotlined me a lot. Even when the kids GAL and SW wrote the school and told them that we were good fparents and that our kids lied due to an emotional illness, they still didn't believe it. They were horrible about the kids leaving for appointments or if they refused to go to school by tantrumming and tearing up the house(I took some interesting kiddos).

I just kept logs and communicated with the workers involved. I yanked my kids from the school as soon as their adoption papers were final. That won't work for foster kids who are long term or returning home. Sorry, I have no advice for that.

[Kate1129]

Is it the teachers? Office staff? Prinicpal?

Every person has a boss in the school district. If you are getting it from the Principal his boss is the Distric Superintendant. Take it to the Board of Education. Get other fosterparents in with you and demand a meeting!

It's hard to deal with, but you can do it!

[Gryph]

Most of the time we do OK. It's wehn we cannot work it out, I've had the school did in and tell me I'm just the foster parent, which means I have no legal say.

Federal regulations allow anyone to file a complaint with the state and eventually the feds if the child's IEP is not being followed. I have filed complaints for improper plcement changes and when the placement was too "restrictive." I always ask for the mediation. It's amazing how quickly the school changes their position and becomes willing to negotiate.

Take the training mentioned above. It's well worth it.

[GeorgiaGal]

When I enrolled my first foster child I sat down with the child's teacher and explained to her what I could about the situation and that I would be very involved in the child's education. This particular child ended up having a number of educational needs arise that had been overlooked due to the child's frequent moves before DFACS caught up with the family and the child was very behind educationally. At the IEP request meetings I became very aware of the educational laws and when the school team wanted to try to avoid doing what needed to be done for this child I started quoting the law and immediately their attitude changed once they realized I knew what the law required. I never had a minute's problem with them after that.

Since then with the other foster children I've had I've had a lot of cooperation from the school, especially since I've met with the teachers and senior administration all along as needed and they see that I'm seriously interested in the child's education and wanting them to be a success and not another "DFACS statistic."

Good luck - stand firm in what needs to be done and you'll get the respect from the school!

[Faith65]

I have been very fortunate with teachers and the eduational system for my fd. She started last year in a new elementry school here in our home town in April. They where very good and very supportive. This year fd is in the JR. High and has a team of teachers. I requested a team meeting with sw and principal about 2 week into school. I educated them on fd and her needs. How I would be requesting lots of communication and updates as needed from daily to weekly to monthly depending on how they saw her doing and how we felt she was doing.

Some of the teachers are stronger in asisting and being aware of fd needs. Others are weaker. But all very good. I keep them very posted on anything that may regress fd progress or behaviors and vs verse. Many at first felt and thought she should just get over her past. But after educating them at RAD and all it's been very postive.

I am very pleased and can't say enough positives about the eduational team fd has. I find educating them is the key and they even thanked me.

Good luck.

[radish-mom]

You are not the child's legal parent, so basically you don't really matter much. you cannot sign the IEP unless the birth parents rights have gone to TPR and the city/county is going to use you as the sub parent. I have a situation with a SW who did not let me at one child's IEP meetings.

For short term placements there isn't much of a reason to much to do with you are the foster parent. They have to communicate with the legal parents and the agency that has custody. They need to come to you on issues of school supplies, hygiene, whatever....There are some issue the school also has to notify legal parents and the agency about..

I have also been in situations with foster children when I did try to advocate for them with SW for DSS stating whatever the school recommends is fine. Just like whatever the treating Dr. recommends if fine.

usually you can get some footing if the issues of suspension or something are at stake, like if they are sending a child home a lot...

Kids that have been with you a long time you usually get more say.

I've been on both side of the fence. Baically I don't report to DSS for abuse, but I think sometimes simple things like telling the SW who is more easy to contact (in one of my teaching situations) that a child has been wearing the same clothes for 2 weeks and smells to the high heavens...ended up being a report of neglect, and I didn't mean it that way, i was just sharing the facts...To me if that particular 13 year old was told to bathe and change clothes the fp met her obligation..

I know one time the school called to complain that one of my foster sons was drugged up too much, and I was just giving him what the Dr. prescribed. So I got to take him back to the Dr. who just prescribed more drugs....

I usually tell SWs no visits during school hours. Almost every agency will make other arrangments. it isn't fair to the kids to miss school to see their birthparents...

Therapy appointments are different. they are medically needed, even the mental health ones. If the child misses school for those, that is another issue. In some locations that is why quality therapy is provided at school.

I didn't feel much support through schools as a foster parent.

[Mammie]

Thank you all for responding

I am sorry this reply is late...my email did not notify me that there were replies. I found you all, after I was searching for something else!

My husband and I have butted heads with the public school system since 2003 - when we were told, "you are ONLY the foster parents". That did not go over well in our books!

They would not allow us to view school records (though we are the legal guardians) - this is something we were told we could have access to in training class. Principal said no.

They brought in (without notifying us or the caseworker) the school therapist - who did not know a hill of beans in that perticular case - and started making 'suggestions' to the child contrary to what his own therapist/doctors wanted.

They told us it was "child abuse" not to allow children to celibrate halloween (it is against our religion - something we let DHS know we would not celibrate when children were placed with us)...ALTHOUGH we took the child's feelings in consideration and we went out to dinner, a movie and to Toys r Us in lieu of candy and a costume.

The teachers repeatedly lied to us about problems with foster sons homework. When my husband made a special meeting, to show how behind our FS was in Math, the teacher denied he needed any help. Afterwards, she had an aide go through and correct the mistakes HERSELF, so that the FS would bring home ok papers!

I won't even go into this 'no child left behind ' crapola...when it comes to foster children, they do not care, and want to 'push them through' so they do not get into trouble for having children behind.

We were also told that they were "only foster children, who will not be around long" and "why should we go the extra distance, when in the end, they will go back to the parents and be worse off than before".

Last, but not least, this same FS told a teacher that I had abused him (scratch marks on his neck which he caused himself from bug bites) and of course, jumping the gun (even though they knew he had a bad lying problem) called protective services, and had me RAKED through the coals.

Two weeks later, the 8 year old FS did admit to workers that he had 'lied' to get even with me on something...and then he told me and my husband that we had better watch it or he would do it again! (And at that point, the caseworker refused to remove the child without taking all his brothers too!)

After all this, we looked into private schools. We can not afford it(unfortunately).

We talked about going to the principal with the caseworker in tow, and getting a few things straight...but we were told that would be viewed as harrassement on our part. GRRRRR.

Anyway, this year, we have once again, bumped heads with the school (same school district, different foster son)...over dietary needs (our 5 year old FS is allergic to milk, eggs, and soy - which are in everything!) They did not want to have to deal with someone bringing in a cold lunch, and made me write a letter of intent to the school board, so he COULD bring a lunch to eat!

We also bumped heads again on Halloween issues, getting the child out of school for therapy and visitation, and just general harrassement where the foster son is concerned.

We were even told that "WE know your child better than you do." BULL! We are a very close family, and I am a stay at home mother. We have had this child for 2 years - and he has basicly been with us 24/7. I know EVERYTHING about this kid!

The school is not used to dealing with a set of parents that are sooo involved with their children's lives.

Two weeks ago, the school called protective services on me again - grossly exaggerating an incident that took place in front of the prinicpal's office. (I mean, if I was going to get abusive, I definately would not do it there!)

I am very much ENRAGED. We are soooo close in adopting - I would not blow it! Come on!

The caseworker is in agreement - she knows us, and knows that the school greatly stretched something out of proportion (the way they said my FS reacted to me was totally out of character for him...as well as 30 minutes later, we saw his therapist and even the therapist said if that reported abuse had happened like the school reported it, both my FS and myself would not have put in such a good session!)

Well, the investigation team came out, went through my house, interrigated me and the family, had all 4 children strip down and looked at for marks - only to be told 'we will get back with you'.

However, the head honcho did say, "It looks like they have it in for you. You might consider doing the 'school of choice' and moving the foster child at holiday break."

UUUUUGGGGHHHHHH! All because that stupid school system - who for some reason, does not like the fact that my husband and I stand up to them - got a little push button happy and ola~ instant "Let's put those uppity foster parents in their place".

HELLO PEOPLE! We are on the same team! It is all so sad.

Anyway, I just needed to vent a little. For the most part, what I am hearing is (at least in my neck of the woods) that if you are a foster parent, who has had your own biological children go through the school system...then it is not a bad ride...I guess because they already know you.

HOWEVER, if you are a foster parent who does not have any biological children (or they went through another school system) the public school that the foster children are attending will view you like you are the enemy, as they do not know you from Adam's housecat!

I do not know what we are going to do. I do know, that the ink on those adoption papers won't even be dry, and I will yank them kids out and start homeschooling!

BUT, that does not help future foster children coming into our home, that will be attending school.

[BethanyB]

As a first grade teacher I just wanted to state that all teachers are required to call Children's Services whenever there is an allegation of abuse from a child OR if there are unexplained visable injuries. EVEN if the child has been known to lie about things. If we do not call in the situations described above we can be held accountable. If it were me who had a student who has lied about abuse from the foster family AND the incident was found to be untrue, I would still call the SW on the case to report the new incident to cover myself and the child. But when reporting it, I would bring up the fact that there were false allegations made previously but that I felt I was still obligated to report the new informaton.

I know that there are always horror stories out there about doctors and judges and police officers and the same is true for teachers. But as a teacher who has been teaching for seven years and has worked with many children and professionals... teachers do want the best for children. We do not want to keep services from children. We do not want to get parents in trouble. I have had to call Children's services a few times in the past seven years. It is not fun. We don't want kids to be abused. We don't want children taken from good homes. But we need to keep children safe. And we are held accountable for that.

I can not imagine teachers and administrators wanting foster children to just fall through the cracks and not do well. What would be the reason for that? And I can't imagine school officials treating foster parents differently than bio parents. I have taught at three schools and I have always seen school professionals try their hardest to help kids who are poor, disadvantaged, classified, disabled and so on.

I guess what I am saying is that on the whole...teachers want ALL children to suceed and be happy, healthy, well adjusted people. There will always be horror stories but please know there are more of us out there who care a lot more than you think, than the few who give teachers a bad name.

[Brookiebear]

So far, our experience (a whopping three weeks worth ) has been very positive. I was a little concerned the first day I enrolled K because his teacher seemed a little put out about adding a student mid-year and she appeared less than thrilled that K is a foster child with behavior problems requiring therapeutic care. BUT - I think that she may have just been having a bad day that day, because she has been wonderful. Everyone I have come in contact with at K's school has been very helpful and supportive. I would be losing my mind if I was having the kind of school problems that some of you are experiencing. Shame on the schools for making your job even harder!
~B

[Mammie]

Hello BethanyB,

I have to be truthful here...when I read your response, I was seething in a few areas!

It is a good thing my computer crashed three times before I was able to get back on to reply...if it hadn't, I probably would have truly embarressed myself!

And I probably need to apologise here and now, because my reply will be emotional and tinged with fustration. I do not mean to take it out on you.

I understand (and I probably should have said so in my second post) that teachers are required by law to report- and that they are only covering their butts.

AND I realize that, like teachers, police officers and such, there are some bad foster parents.

BUT COME ON!

I have spoke to enough foster parents in this area to know that this is a problem! Point is, most foster parents have been beat over the head with the 'we have no rights' junk, and therefore, do not want to rock the boat, lest DHS place us on a blackball list as trouble makers.

In response to some of your statements:

"We do not want to keep services from children." ***Well, maybe not. BUT, in my experiance, I have YET to see a teacher go out of his/her way to help a foster child - to go to bat for them, so to speak. We have been told, "I have a room of 30 normal students. I do not have the time to deal with him." This, coming from a 2nd grade teacher that had 4 class aides to help as well!

"We do not want to get parents in trouble." ***No, maybe not. However, you know as well as I do that by making that call - and NOT knowing all the facts - (or adding your own spin to it) DOES cause alot of grief - to the point where alot of good foster parents just throw their hands up in the air and say, "ENOUGH".

"I have had to call Children's services a few times in the past seven years. It is not fun." ***No, I would not think it would be, especially if you really had to sit down, think about what you are doing, and making sure that that is the right thing to do. Have you ever called on foster parents? Was it truly warrented? What prevents you from going overboard with this 'GOD-power' to judge? Ethnics and your own moral code? Do you not wish all teachers could say that?

"But we need to keep children safe. And we are held accountable for that." ***I am all for keeping the children safe...that, my friend, we are on the same page! HOWEVER, what holds you to be accoutable for telling the truth?

And what about the false allegations against a good foster parent? WHO is there to protect them? Where are their rights? They are putting their butts out on the line, and if they don't meet someone's standards, a simple call can be made to turn their lives upside down?

Have you yourself, ever been at the end of one of these investigations? Especially if you are innocent? Let me tell you, it is not pretty.

Protective services is like the Nazi police. You are treated guilty before anything is said and done. They come out to your home, unnannounced. They don't care if you are in your pajamas or in your boxer shorts - they will not let you get dressed.

They go through your home, looking into your cupboards, under your bed, in your underwear drawer if they wish.

If children are in bed, they wake them up, and have them strip down to look for marks. They then interrigate them as well. After they are done, they leave, but you are left trying to comfort scared babies that will not go back to sleep - as they are afraid that these people will come back and take them away.

And it does not end there...about a week later, a second visit is made, by two people from the agency, doing their own investigation! It goes just about the same way, except this time, they make an appointment to come out.

Then, both the protective services and the agency go to the school and investigate.

Do you think any of this is kept confidental? That is a joke! The neighbors see the cars. The teachers DO talk to other parents and among the staff! Even the agency talk among themselves. EVERYONE knows your business!

And you know what? It does not matter that nothing has been proven, or that the child admits he lied! Once that information is out - you can not do damage control!

So I ask out loud, in a very fustrated voice, "WHO IS HOLDING THE TEACHERS RESPONSIBLE When they make these calls? Where are the safe guards?"

"I can not imagine teachers and administrators wanting foster children to just fall through the cracks and not do well. What would be the reason for that?" ****I don't know. YOU tell me! BUT, it does happen...just read the previous posts, or ask foster parents yourself!

"And I can't imagine school officials treating foster parents differently than bio parents." ***Well, imagine it. It happens. And frankly, I for one am tired of it. We are long term, foster to adopt, and the school knows it. We have put in alot of blood, sweat and tears (not to mention our own time and money) into these children. Somehow, we have been told, time and again - we just don't measure up to the real thing - even after TPR!

"please know there are more of us out there who care a lot more than you think, than the few who give teachers a bad name." ***I feel the same about foster parents. I DO know that there are some great teachers out there...my husband was a highschool teacher in the 80's-90's...but even he had to admit fustration with the system. That is why he does not do it anymore.

We also know that the public school system is working on limited funds, that the teachers are underpaid, that more demands are being made on teachers (now that most households are two parent incomes) and that in lots of situations, teachers hands are tied.

We also realize that the public school system is driven for the 'normal' masses, than for the individual. This is evident from how it is ran, right down to the stanardized tests. The system on a whole can not take in effect that not every child (nor the child's family) will fit into it's cookie cutter mentality.

In closing, even you have to agree, that no matter how "WELL INTENTIONED" or legal bound a teacher may be, to go charging in and 'EMBELLISHING' an incident is just uncalled for, and downright unprofessional!

I am thankful that the foster parents in your perticular school system are treated with respect. I wish the same could be said for ours.

Again - my apologies if I have crossed the line. Please forgive me. I believe anyone who is familiar with my posts on this board, knows that I am not one to go off half- cocked.

It is just that I am soooo tired of getting called out on the carpet for things I did not do. This is not a game for me.

[BethanyB]

Hey Mammie, I'm not sure If I mentioned this but I am a foster parent myself. I know many other foster parents with kids in the school system. And I do think you were really harsh in your response to me.

I was not saying that this didn't happen to you. I said it sounded like a horror story - and they do happen.

"I have had to call Children's services a few times in the past seven years. It is not fun." ***No, I would not think it would be, especially if you really had to sit down, think about what you are doing, and making sure that that is the right thing to do. Have you ever called on foster parents? Was it truly warrented? What prevents you from going overboard with this 'GOD-power' to judge?

First, I am a Christian and never feel like I'm playing God or judging anyone. There is no room for judging when you call to file a claim of abuse. We are told to simply say exactly what we were told by the child or by what we say like bruises and things. We are not asked for our opinion. We are not allowed to make statements on what we believe happened. It is all very clinical. And no, I have not had to call on a foster parent as of yet.

When I had to call children's services on my first child, the six year old boy who had been acting unusually quiet for several weeks had come up to me and said he wanted to tell me something but his dad said he wasn't supposed to. I told him that if something were bothering him that he could talk to me. He then told me that his dad hit him. He went on to tell me that his dad had hit him so hard that he had a mark on his back. Then he went on to tell me a bunch of incidences where hitting occured. I called my school nurse and principals and then proceeded to call DYFS. I don't NEED to really think anything through. I was told that abuse occured and I called. It is not my job to drill the child on whether he is telling the truth or not. It is my job to get this kid seen by a SW to make sure his leg is not broken the next day or worse than that, that he is not beaten to death. More than covering my butt, I'm concerned for the child. Embarrasing an innocent parent is less important than saving a child's life.
(And in this situation, the father admitted to the abuse and only had to get counseling. Did I mention that the child did have a handprint on his back? That we didn't see because we didn't want to lift up the boys shirt? Later we found out that both parents yelled at the boy for getting his daddy in trouble and also learned he had knocked his daughters tooth out by punching her in the face.

And yes, I know getting DYFS called on you is not pretty. Your neighbors do see. But I can't think about that when a child COULD be in danger. It is not my job to make sure the incident happened. And I NEVER embelish anything! Why one would do that, I have no idea!

I have YET to see a teacher go out of his/her way to help a foster child - to go to bat for them, so to speak. We have been told, "I have a room of 30 normal students. I do not have the time to deal with him." This, coming from a 2nd grade teacher that had 4 class aides to help as well!

If a teacher in my school ever said, "I have a room of 30 students. I do not have the time to deal with him." The teacher would be disciplined and maybe even let go at the end of the year. Who would say that?

As far as going out of my way for a foster child. When I worked in an urban charter school, many of my children were foster kids and almost all were poor. I would be the one to buy cupcakes for the children for their birthdays because their parents couldn't afford to. I was the one who would stay after hours and help a child with their subjects or stay after to bond with an angry hostile child. I would be the one to buy them snacks or clothes when they didn't bring a snack to school or their clothes were too big. As a teacher I usually find myself going to extra mile in many ways for the kids who have troubles.

At my new school in a mostly upper class district, the teachers get together and buy meals for the disadvantaged families in our school. We buy them their families Christmas presents. We wrap them and let their parents give the gifts to them. The few years in this district that I have had foster kids (who were returned home) in my room, I'm the one who bought them their school supplies and Halloween costumes.

It is NEVER easy having children with behavioral problems in the classroom. The only time I become frustrated is when a parent doesn't admit there is a problem or could care less, and even then I would never think of saying anything rude to a parent.

I had never heard of the things you have been saying on this board. Although I believe it happened by some very unprofessional people. What I was trying to say was that as a whole in the experiences I have had in the classroom and in talking to other foster parents, teachers usually try extra hard to make life easier on kids in foster care or special kids in general.

Don't be mad at me. Get a lawyer and do something about the school system you're in now. I do wish you luck. I know it's not always easy being a foster parent. Remember I am one too.

[Robbiesmomma]

Hi,
I just wanted to add that bad teachers and schools don't just happen to foster parents. My ds had a very rough year in Kindergarten due to a poor teacher and an even worse principal.We only learned that he was having trouble with sitting still and following directions after the fall parent teacher conference. We were told that the teacher didn't have time to report to us when our son had a bad day (including hitting his speech therapist) and that he shouldn't have any reprocussions at home ( no cartoons, writing apology notes) for his bad behavior. They weren't even willing to write a short note once a week and the principal told us we were "too involved in our sons education". The principal even lied to us at one point. I was told by my sons teacher this year that she had quit working with that school due to their negative changes and attitudes.
The best thing I could have done, in retrospect, would have been to follow my gut and change schools immediately. I later learned from a parent volunteer that my son was just as rowdy as the other boys and in a class of 24, the teacher always had one aid and 3 days a week two aides, not counting parent volunteers.
This year, in a wonderful new school, is 100% better. My son is still a busy boy, but at least if something goes wrong that day, I know about it and he knows that his actions do have consequences.
Can you make a school change? If your worker is with you on this maybe it would be in the best interests of the child? I'd sure fight like crazy and trust my gut. Can't you homeschool a foster child in your state? What about homeschooling through the district and retaining some school services? Is that offered in your area?
If you can find no remedy for the school problem, I'd deal with problem #2, the childs education, and do homeschooling after school to help him catch up. Also (speaking from experience) some kids just learn differently.
Good luck to you, your son is blessed to have someone in his life who cares so much.