[4ThaLuvOfBabies]

Hello Everyone, my name is Ashley Rowe, and I am an aspiring foster mother. I am also a student at University Prep. High, in Detroit, Michigan. My school's learning is based upon what each student would like to be when they are an adult. And as I said before I would like to become a foster mother, so I am doing two projects that will help me get a better understanding of what I need to do and what being a foster mother takes. My first project is to make an authentic "How-To" guide on foster care, and my second project is the history of foster care. With all that said I was wondering if you could answer a few questions for me?
1. Why did you choose to become a foster parent?

2. What ages of children do you take in?

3. How long have you been a foster parent?

4. What do you think would have been helpful in a how-to guide you were in the process of becoming a foster parent?

5. What was the hardest thing for you to do when you first became a foster parent? And how have you concurred that issue?

6. What was the worst condition you have seen a child come in to your home?

7.What was your hardest child (emotionallyor physically)?

8. How many children can you have at one time?

9. What kind of foster parent are you (title or certifiction)?

10. What kind of criminal background would keep you from being able to foster a child?

11. What do you think is best rule of fostering a child?

12. What rule do you wish doesnt exist about foster care?

13. How often are you evaluated (your home)?

14. How often do you have to take fostering classes?

15. What des each class cover?

16. How helpful was each class?

17. How many people take the class?

18. How many people follow through with the classes?

Thank You very much! For your answers

[AmyAnne]

1. Why did you choose to become a foster parent?Because we wanted to adopt. And in the state of VA if you want to adopt older children you have to go through the foster care program.

2. What ages of children do you take in?Our form said 3-10. A is 8 years old.

3. How long have you been a foster parent? A has been placed with us for 9 months. We were liscenced for 9 months before A's placement.

4. What do you think would have been helpful in a how-to guide you were in the process of becoming a foster parent? I think roleplaying, with the social workers simulating what you were likely to experience would have been helpful. It's one thing to read "A has a history of oppositional or defiant behavior". It's another thing to have him throw a tantrum in the parking lot of the community pool, run away from you in a parking lot and then have him push every button you've got before you even get the car out of the parking spot.

5. What was the hardest thing for you to do when you first became a foster parent? And how have you concurred that issue? Being able to spend time alone with my husband and have a conversation that was NOT about Darth Vader We have changed A's bedtime routine so that he spends the last 40 minutes before lights out playing quietly in his room by himself. Also, summer and weekends we do "room time", where A is to spend 15-30 minutes playing in his room. A is a very demanding child and does not like it when he's not the center of attention. This makes it extremely hard to conduct a conversation, vacuum the floor, or cook supper. Hence, the "Room time" rule.

6. What was the worst condition you have seen a child come in to your home? We've only had one placement. He was pretty "normal" as he'd been in foster care for 3 years. But... he was also in the throes of appendicitis, which we didn't know at the time, so the worst was 4 days after A's placement when we realized he was really sick

7.What was your hardest child (emotionallyor physically)? Our current placement. To be fair, he's also our ONLY placement, but even in the terms of our support group, we do have one of the kids with the biggest set of issues.

8. How many children can you have at one time? We said 2, but realistically, I think one's my limit.

9. What kind of foster parent are you (title or certifiction)?I was trained as a Theraputic Foster Parent. We are foster to adopt, and will be adopting our son hopefully before Christmas.

10. What kind of criminal background would keep you from being able to foster a child? Sexual abuse, DWI, or previous charges of child abuse or neglect, I think. Probably they don't want serial killers either.

11. What do you think is best rule of fostering a child?You cannot use corporal punishment EVER.

12. What rule do you wish doesnt exist about foster care? The fact that you cannot hire a babysitter unless they've undergone the entire background check. I understand WHY this rule exists but it's a pain in the behind.

13. How often are you evaluated (your home)? We completed an inital homestudy, and our agency does bimonthly home visits. My foster son's worker comes once a month.

14. How often do you have to take fostering classes? Our classes were 3 hours weekly for 8 weeks, plus 4 hours of independent study (reading)

15. What des each class cover? The system. Education. Working as a team. Behaviors we were likely to see and the reasons behind those behaviors. How to advocate for your child's best interest.

16. How helpful was each class? I found our training extremely helpful. My favorite was Parent Panel, where current foster/adoptive parents came in and spoke to our class on their experience

17. How many people take the class?We had 2 single ladies and 7 couples, a total of 16 people

18. How many people follow through with the classes? In my class, two single females and two couples did not complete the training. So that'd be 5 families (10 people) who completed the class.

[mckenna]

1. Why did you choose to become a foster parent?
there was a need for foster parents, i had room in my heart and home so decided to foster.

2. What ages of children do you take in?
0-2

3. How long have you been a foster parent?
5 years

4. What do you think would have been helpful in a how-to guide you were in the process of becoming a foster parent?
web sites like this and mor information on attachment

5. What was the hardest thing for you to do when you first became a foster parent? And how have you concurred that issue?
knowing the court system and all the players. i have educated my self and asked lots of questions

6. What was the worst condition you have seen a child come in to your home?
a 4 month old baby that only weighed 10 pounds and had horribly bad yeast ifnections in her diaper area and under her neck

7.What was your hardest child (emotionallyor physically)?
a child with attachement issues

8. How many children can you have at one time?
2

9. What kind of foster parent are you (title or certifiction)?
traditional foster parent

10. What kind of criminal background would keep you from being able to foster a child?
child abuse, felon, sexual abuse??

11. What do you think is best rule of fostering a child?
don't really understand question

12. What rule do you wish doesnt exist about foster care?


13. How often are you evaluated (your home)?
every 2 years by the home finding unit and if a child is in my home, every month

14. How often do you have to take fostering classes?
15 hours a year

15. What des each class cover?
many different topics

16. How helpful was each class?
most are very helpful

17. How many people take the class?
3-20 depending on the topic

18. How many people follow through with the classes?
i don't know those stats

[mommyto9]

1. Why did you choose to become a foster parent?Because we love children and we felt God's leading.

2. What ages of children do you take in
0-6

3. How long have you been a foster parent?
2 years in January

4. What do you think would have been helpful in a how-to guide you were in the process of becoming a foster parent?
Talking to actual foster parents.

5. What was the hardest thing for you to do when you first became a foster parent? And how have you concurred that issue?
Court..learning how the court system works.

6. What was the worst condition you have seen a child come in to your home?
All our children have been fine...all issues have been with bio. parents.

7.What was your hardest child (emotionallyor physically)?
We have a child now, that tends to be on the "slow" side.

8. How many children can you have at one time?
4 foster/4 bio.

9. What kind of foster parent are you (title or certifiction)?
Traditional

10. What kind of criminal background would keep you from being able to foster a child?
Crimes against children.

11. What do you think is best rule of fostering a child?

12. What rule do you wish doesnt exist about foster care?
Sometimes...(sorry to those that don't agree) a swat on the bottom would be nice. Corners and time outs just don't always seem to do the trick. I want to add, I COMPLETELY understand why we cannot use corporal punishment.

13. How often are you evaluated (your home)?
once a year, and the cw comes once a month.

14. How often do you have to take fostering classes?10-12 hours pr year.

15. What des each class cover
?Lots of topics.

16. How helpful was each class?
Some are more helpful than others.

17. How many people take the class?
we had 5 ( 2couples and 1 grandfather)in our training to become foster parents.

18. How many people follow through with the classes
Not sure.


Hope this helps.

[Withay]

1. Why did you choose to become a foster parent?
Led by God and a love of children

2. What ages of children do you take in?
Birth through 5, generally infants and toddlers

3. How long have you been a foster parent?
Since June 2002

4. What do you think would have been helpful in a how-to guide you were in the process of becoming a foster parent?
More sessions with actual foster parents, spending one-on-one time with a foster family

5. What was the hardest thing for you to do when you first became a foster parent? And how have you concurred that issue?
Figure out all the ins-and-outs of the system. By studying a great deal

6. What was the worst condition you have seen a child come in to your home?
Extremely filthy, covered with head lice, 53 lb 3-year-old

7.What was your hardest child (emotionallyor physically)?
The 3-year old mentioned above - very distructive

8. How many children can you have at one time?
Four, usually have 2 infants and one 2 year old with one space for emergency placements

9. What kind of foster parent are you (title or certifiction)?
Medical

10. What kind of criminal background would keep you from being able to foster a child?
Felonies, crimes against a person, child abuse, murder, among others

11. What do you think is best rule of fostering a child?
No corporal punishment

12. What rule do you wish doesn't exist about foster care?


13. How often are you evaluated (your home)?
Recertified annually, cw to home each month for each child

14. How often do you have to take fostering classes?
Minimum of 15 hours per year

15. What des each class cover?
Everything from Medically Fragile Infants to Sign Language to Defiant Behavior, etc.

16. How helpful was each class?
The classes are extremely helpful. I always take each class as often as possible to get more out of it.

17. How many people take the class?
I've seen as few as 2 and as many as 70

18. How many people follow through with the classes?
Don't really know

[FostAdoptMoms]

Originally Posted by 4ThaLuvOfBabies

Hello Everyone, my name is Ashley Rowe, and I am an aspiring foster mother. I am also a student at University Prep. High, in Detroit, Michigan. My school's learning is based upon what each student would like to be when they are an adult. And as I said before I would like to become a foster mother, so I am doing two projects that will help me get a better understanding of what I need to do and what being a foster mother takes. My first project is to make an authentic "How-To" guide on foster care, and my second project is the history of foster care. With all that said I was wondering if you could answer a few questions for me?
1. Why did you choose to become a foster parent?

2. What ages of children do you take in?

3. How long have you been a foster parent?

4. What do you think would have been helpful in a how-to guide you were in the process of becoming a foster parent?

5. What was the hardest thing for you to do when you first became a foster parent? And how have you concurred that issue?

6. What was the worst condition you have seen a child come in to your home?

7.What was your hardest child (emotionallyor physically)?

8. How many children can you have at one time?

9. What kind of foster parent are you (title or certifiction)?

10. What kind of criminal background would keep you from being able to foster a child?

11. What do you think is best rule of fostering a child?

12. What rule do you wish doesnt exist about foster care?

13. How often are you evaluated (your home)?

14. How often do you have to take fostering classes?

15. What des each class cover?

16. How helpful was each class?

17. How many people take the class?

18. How many people follow through with the classes?

Thank You very much! For your answers

1. We chose to foster-adopt parent based on a calling to do so. When I learned of the number of children without homes, I knew we had to do something...

2. Although we initially said we wanted sibling groups between 0-8 (younger than our youngest) - we have found a 14 y/o girl with whom we hope to be matched.

3. We are still in the process of becoming certified - should be this month.

4. Not having done it yet I cannot say what was most useful in training or what I wish they had told me. However, I will say that this site has been a blessing and should be a resource provided to parents throughout the process to get their questions answered and see "real-world" issues re: fostering and foster-adoption.

5. For us the hardest part to date is turning any potential match down. In consideration of our current bio children we have to be hyper vigilant in the potential issues of acting out sexually or violently. NOT taking any children is a burden and is felt as a loss.

6. N/A

7. N/A

8. We have room for, and expect to be certified for, four (4) children.

9. Foster-Adoptive Parent (no cert yet)

10. Sexual or violent acts against a child

11. For foster-adoption it is a blessing and a curse, that you are asked to commit to the child before ever meeting him/her. Although I appreciate the protection for the child and their feelings, it is a huge decision to make without every meeting the child in person.

12. I wish there was more flexibility related to the number of children you can take in when there are circumstances of keeping sibling groups together. We were prepared to take 5 children but were not able due to the 2 to a room rule. No flexibility was considered to keep these siblings together.

13. We have only had one home-inspection (to obtain initial certification) but once a week visits by the social worker will be made and I understand the house is evaluated annually.

14. Our initial classes have been 1xmth for 8 hours for 5 months. Ongoing, I expect quarterly participation in training ongoing (either online or in a group setting)

15. Child development, dealing with difficult behaviors, education re: specific disorders RAD, ADHD, PTSD etc., Parenting, sexually abused children & how to deal with sexualized behaviors, the system and their procedures, etc.

16. Very helpful - at times it seemed more negative than positive and gave you the sense that the process of foster-adopting was hopeless (i.e, so many problems, so few resolutions) - but overall I think they are doing a good job of preparing foster and foster/adoptive parents.

17. Our classes started with 12 people and at the last class we had 4.

18. See Above


I know this information is related to foster-adoption, but thought the information might be useful none-the-less.

Good luck to you!
S-

[4ThaLuvOfBabies]

The Rule questions are asking about rules such as:

• The discipline rule (no hitting or yelling at the children)
• The 30 day notice rule (giving 30 day notice before you return a child)

[Mammie]

Hey there Ashley!

We are practically neighbors! Good luck in your quest for foster parenting....the toughest job you will ever love (the army has NOTHING over on us foster parents!)

1. Why did you choose to become a foster parent?
Because my husband and I felt God told us to...(and no we are not crazy!) We had all this love to give, and there were children out there who needed it.

2. What ages of children do you take in?
Currently 0-7 years, sibling groups only. (the age will raise as our current foster children get older).

3. How long have you been a foster parent?
Three blessed years - and no regrets (though we have had our moments of lapse of reasoning!)

4. What do you think would have been helpful in a how-to guide you were in the process of becoming a foster parent?
"Understanding your caseworker - 101".

5. What was the hardest thing for you to do when you first became a foster parent? And how have you concurred that issue?
Meeting the biological parents for the first time - and NOT have judgement and attitude towards them. Still working on it

6. What was the worst condition you have seen a child come in to your home?
11 month old, malnurished at 14 1/2 pounds, could not sit up, looked like a living skeleton, with blue hands, feet, blue penis. Sexually abused by mother's boyfriend and siblings. (side note: This child is now a thriving, cheerful three year old, diagnosed with FAE and in speech therapy and OT)

7.What was your hardest child (emotionally or physically)?
7 year old pathological liar (the cruel brother to the baby above). For the first 6 months, he was polite and charming -almost sickly sweet, while he played his 'waiting mind game'-- gathering information, watching you, and looking for your weak spots. Once he found them, he would strike like a poisonous viper, seeking your reaction for the ultimate control. He would hurt and destroy with the percision of a professional - and then laugh about it. We had him for 14 months before we demanded that he be removed from the home.

8. How many children can you have at one time?
Four (besides your natural or adoptive children)- although we are talking about the possiblity of going to group home status and take in 6.

9. What kind of foster parent are you (title or certifiction)?
Foster to adopt.

10. What kind of criminal background would keep you from being able to foster a child?
Murder, Drugs, prositution, ANY crime involving a CHILD/MINOR.

11. What do you think is best rule of fostering a child?
So far, I really don't care for fast and hard rules. Each case is so different as each child is so different.


12. What rule do you wish doesnt exist about foster care?
Caseworkers should call you back within 24 hours. Period! I understand that they are over worked and underpaid - but it is stupid that someone doesn't call the foster parents when they really need to touch base!

13. How often are you evaluated (your home)?
We were evaluated for the inital home study b/4 the liciense was issued. After that, we have an every other year anniversary (unless there is some issue with protective services that comes up) and if an adoption is on the horizon, another eval is done, even if the foster child has lived with you for years.

14. How often do you have to take fostering classes?
We are suppose to have 20 hours of PRIDE training b/f the liciense is issued. Afterwards, 8 hours a year - 4 of those hours HAVE to be at the DHS offices (which they provide monthly- they are usually boring and a waste of time and childcare money). The rest of the hours you can get by reading a child care book or watching a movie( pre approved by the department) and doing a paragraph report. You can also get training hours by attending parenting seminars or workshops through out the state. You just have to supply your agent with proof. Currently, for the year of 2005, my husband and I have logged in over 50 hours (each) of parent training. We take our jobs seriously!

15. What des each class cover?
A varity of helpful things. CPR. Parenting children with ADHD. What is RAD? Keeping siblings together. Fostering teenagers. Sibling rivarly with foster and biological children. Adoption. Early On programs. What is FAS? Team Decision Meetings. Semi-Annual (manitory) meetings that cover all the changes or new things (at DHS). How the judical system works. Chain of Command at the DHS. Anger management. How to talk to your kids. The STEP program. Scrapbooking for lifebooks. What are Subsidies? The list goes on.

16. How helpful was each class?
We find that the classes that are offered in the community (like through CARE or MSU) or the weekend parenting workshops are the best!! The classes that are offered through the DHS kinda suck - they are boring and really are not put together well. I hate going to those!

17. How many people take the class?
In the community classes, they are small, intimate groups (8-10 people). The weekend workshops house 100-300 people, in classes of 15 to 20 people. The monthly classes by DHS are around 50 people - the semi annual usually around 100 or so.

18. How many people follow through with the classes?
I guess most do - if you pay for it (like with the workshops) of course you follow through. I have walked out on a few classes by DHS simply because they insulted my intelligence. In the orientation/PRIDE training classes, I believe I have heard like half of the class drops out because they can not meet all the demands and background checks for foster parenting.

[wrekdiver]

1. Why did you choose to become a foster parent

I wanted to adopt a child but my husband was not as sure (at the time). This was a nice middle ground that gave us both a chance to see if we could love a child we had not conceived. (we could )

2. What ages of children do you take in

1 day to 3 years.

3. How long have you been a foster parent

2 years

4. What do you think would have been helpful in a how-to guide you were in the process of becoming a foster parent

Like a "Fostering for Dummies" book. The whole process laid out in black and white. Plus ALL the resources that are available in my area for the children. Everything from how to get free diapers to college scholarships for foster children.

5. What was the hardest thing for you to do when you first became a foster parent? And how have you concurred that issue

Dealing with the lack of control I had. In the early days of a placement, we don't get very much say about decisions for the child. I learned not to get "caught up" in the chaos of the early days and that when the dust finally settles, the social worker will ask for my opinion.

6. What was the worst condition you have seen a child come in to your home

1 month old baby in a methadone rehab program for the crack addiction he was born with.

7.What was your hardest child (emotionallyor physically

The above mentioned child. He had so many physical problems that had to be dealt with on an hourly basis.

8. How many children can you have at one time

Up to 4

10. What kind of criminal background would keep you from being able to foster a child

Besides parking tickets just about anything.

11. What do you think is best rule of fostering a child

To love that child like your own, even if he/she is only going to be with you for a month.

12. What rule do you wish doesnt exist about foster care

All the secrecy. The confidentiality rules that protect the privacy of the birthparents are too prohibitive. The foster parents need ALOT more information than we get.

13. How often are you evaluated (your home

monthly

14. How often do you have to take fostering classes

yearly

15. What des each class cover

A different aspect of fostering or new rules that were established.

16. How helpful was each class

The initial orientation classes were amazing. But the yearly classes are only about 50% helpful. The rest are obviously to meet some government standard and did not ever intend to teach us anything.

17. How many people take the class
18. How many people follow through with the classes

Our initial class had 8 couples. There are about 100-200 foster families in my area and about 2 dozen go to the yearly required classes.