[csimmons]

We have a 26 month old foster daughter whom we've had in our home since 2 days old. Mom has tried on and off to work her treatment plan. Last October when fd was 14 months old, everyone unamiously recommended TPR. Four months later, everyone was served the tpr petition. Eight months later, tpr hearing is set to happen. I was told by former juvenile officer that our case was put on the back burner because there was no danger of the child being put back in the home. Three weeks ago, tpr was to happen, mom's atty asked for continuance so she could work her plan NOW. She went to rehab ... that's it. Several people have told me to get an atty. What would this accomplish and how does it work?

[waiting home]

Before I do that, I would check with your child's assigned legal rep (CASA, GAL, public defender, etc) what the timeframe is regarding how long mom has to stay clean, etc. once she actually "finishes" rehab.

Every child is assigned legal rep by the court if there is an open case. Try the caseworker for this info first. If they won't give it to you (cuz they do know who it is) go through the court making a few phone calls. That way there is no expense to you right off the bat and you will get a better feel for what is really going on before you invest your money and your emotions into this.

More than likely, Mom will not be able to complete her plan. But you do need to be involved with the child's legal counsel that will follow Mom's progress too.

[Ms. Jackie]

I'm not sure why you would need a lawyer or what purpose they would serve, other than to annoy the judge. This is about the mother and child, not you. The judge is looking to do what is in their best interests and likely does not care to hear what is in your best interests, which is what a lawyer of your hiring would presumably represent.

[kikibrando]

I have a good friend that's experienced similar. Unfortunately, state's seem more concerned about parents' rights than childrens' best interests. If your state allows, you might consider an attorney to represent your interests as the bonded caregiver in this circumstance.

After so long with your family, the child has formed significant attachments with you. You might be able to have this considered by the court in the matter of TPR and the weighing of the child's best interests.

Best of luck.

[BeckyTeehee]

What state are you in?
I think that does have something to do with it. From my understanding, YES! She has been in your home for over 12 months! So, you should be able to legally be represented acording to CPS policy. If it were me, I would at least talk and get a free consultation with an attorney and decide from there. If you have bonded and love her it's at least worth looking into even if ** has decided to work her treatment plan! Have there been visiations with the child and **?

[csimmons]

To answer some questions thrown out there:

I understand that tpr is about the birth parent(s) and child relationship. Our interest, as the foster family, is in seeking legal counsel so the child's best interest is sought. All too often, I see the judges giving parents chance after chance after chance and in the meantime, the child's life hangs in limbo! We have diligently tried to work with our fd's mother, inviting her to family functions, involving her in clothes shopping, offered her many extra visits in our home, she even spent the night in our home once. We have extended ourselves to her to try to help her get her child back. But she was involved in other things that she couldn't get past. But we did really try hard to help her and her family. Our fd hasn't seen any of her biological family in over a year and she is very bonded with us. We are her psychological parents. When our fd was having visits with her family, they were extremely hard on her because there was no bond there. With the difficulties she already has due to her prenatal drug exposure, to remove her from our home would do permenant emotional damge to her. It would be hard for us if that happened, but we would eventually get on with our lives. She, however, would live with that hurt for the rest of her life. We ONLY want what is best for her. She's our 40th foster child and we've watched many leave us. But this truly is about the child, not us.

[BeckyTeehee]

Well, of course it's about the CHILD! Thatis a given! However I think if you as a parent are bonded with that child why not do what you can to keep that child in your life? What's best for the child always comes first but I believe in being happy too, especially if having that child in your life makes you happy. After seeing alot how the system works, I can tell you I'm pretty discusted!

[wish41more]

The best iinterest of the child is NOT always to be with the bparents! I think we all know that. Unfortunately, our system is really screwed up! I have a friend who hired an attorny and WON! It's a long story but she only had the child for 5 months and was fighting out of state cousins. She had the baby since birth. If you really feel like the child best interest is to stay with you, hire away!
:-)

[mallory4]

Csimmons, my heart goes out to you--as posted on another thread, we are also hoping for TPR for our R's best interests,and live in fear of the court giving one continuance after another.

For anyone who still has a lot of faith in the system, my favorite story is this: Last year we found ourselves at a dinner with a man who spent years returning to court trying for custody of his granddaughter.

The biofather, this man's son in law, was contesting it from prison. So the gfather had to keep paying an attorney, and the gradeschool child had to continue to live without any certainty of where she would grow up or with whom.

When the gfather showed up for the final court date, he was informed that there would not be a hearing because the biodad had passed away in prison. Because the gfather was not a blood relative of biodad, he had not been notified of the death--and so had continued to rack up att'y fees.

Furthermore, what was biodad in prison for? Shooting and killing the child's mother, stepfather, and grandmother, and shooting the child-- although the child did not die.

So, while biodad had shot the child and killed nearly everyone the child held dear, he didn't lose the right to drag things out in court.

If ever a case was clear cut, it seems like that would be it...so when people try to reassure me that the court will no doubt recognize that a child is better off with permanency and go ahead with the TPR, I think about that child and don't feel reassured at all.

Not that any court would have given that child back to biodad (after he served all those life sentences!?) but the fact that he even had a say in determining who did or did not get custody--that is nuts.

[mom2GRLC]

"I'm not sure why you would need a lawyer or what purpose they would serve, other than to annoy the judge. This is about the mother and child, not you. The judge is looking to do what is in their best interests and likely does not care to hear what is in your best interests, which is what a lawyer of your hiring would presumably represent."

I have fostered 38 foster children and adopted 3(working on 4th) and have found that the judge is very interested in what the foster parents have to say. There is a clear bond between this foster family and THEIR child. I say THEIR because other than the giving birth part....this child knows them as MOM and DAD they LOVE this child and want to adopt. They have devoted every moment of their life to this child. While the mother has only worked on her plan off and on....if she really wanted her child back....she should have made the child her priority and did EVERYTHING to get her back....the child doesn't deserve to wait around forever....it has already been over 2 years...that is just rediculous!!!!!!.

Their opinion on what is in the best interest of this child...is very VALID. Their involvement in the case...and hiring an attorney....would only prove more their deep love and commitment for this child.(something the mother....only does periodically) The child clearly deserves much more!!!!

The Child deserves someone willing to stand out and fight for her rights. Which in my opinion....her Attorney....has not done!!!!

(In my state hiring an attorney wouldn't be necessary....speaking in court would be sufficient....but in my experience my state would have already completely TPR ....I haven't heard of any kids being in fostercare more than 1 1/2- 2years without it going to TPR. By then, even if the parent appeals they would not win because they have this 2 year period documented where....they were unable to complete the plan and that is enouh proof that the child is better off in another home....with someone who loves her and will provide for her and care for her properly.


ps....Jackie....I read in another (controversal post) that you were becoming a foster parent yourself.....While not all foster parents need to hire an attorney(to get the judge to see what is in the best interest of the child).....they do have to stand up for that child in every situation....wether it be in school, in counceling, in medical services, in court, whatever..... you may be doing a great diservice to your future foster children if you believe your opinion....or voice does not matter for the child. It doesn't matter if you fear you will "annoy" the judge or the "parents" or the "social workers" sometimes you have to be an annoiance for people to see....that the childs needs are not being met.

[csimmons]

Mom2GRLC, thank you so much for validating EXACTLY what I am feeling! We love this child with all our hearts and while we kept our heads and hearts intact enough to try and help this mother, we are now truly looking to what is best for the child and her future. We still care for this mother and it sounds so wierd, but while working with this mother, I had a very "motherly" feeling towards her. I have a step-daughter and step-son close to her age that we have seen through a lot of problems and I truly felt sorry for her. But after 2 years of offering my help, I have come to the realization that it doesn't matter what I do or how much I want to help if SHE doesn't want to be helped. So ... I have stopped offering help and am focusing my attention totally on this child. In this case, if I hadn't offered so much help, maybe the case would already be over ????? I was told by our former Juvenile Officer back when the entire team decided to proceed with tpr (Oct. 04), that our case was not a high priority case because the child was in no kind of danger. And because of this, our case was, in her own words, "put on the back burner." Of course, this didn't make us very happy because in the meantime, this child and our lives were in limbo. Nothing predictable, nothing concrete, very emotional, and hard! It took eight full months for them to get a tpr date scheduled. In my opinion, this is just ludicrous! We are so ready for it to be over and have this weight off our shoulders.

Yesterday, the attorneys from all sides met with the judge to schedule the tpr hearing AGAIN. I haven't heard anything as far as our new date, but I know the judge is now scheduling hearings in December and January. So... I'm keeping my fingers crossed and saying a lot of prayers. I stand on the truth of God's word that he will never abandon us and he makes a way where there seems to be no way. He is good and I know he will make a way for this child! Above all, I want this child to be where God's plan and calling for her life can be fulfilled.

I received a call yesterday from a staff member at our local Children's Division. I have been asked to be a member of an adoption staffing team. I am so excited about this opportunity and about helping make a decision about where children will be placed with their forever families. I feel so passionate about this and the right choice being made. This is right up my alley and I feel very honored to be asked.

Every child deserves a chance to live, love, and be loved!

[csimmons]

I just called the judge's office to see if they set a tpr date yesterday at the scheduling conference and the secretary informed me that "no one showed up for that case!" What?????!!!!!!! No one showed up! What the heck is going on here? Who dropped the ball? Is it the JO office that's supposed to inform everyone of a court hearing??? So now they've had to reschedule the scheduling conference for November 10th. I am certain it will now be February or March before a tpr can be heard. The child will be nearly 2 1/2 hrs old. This is so crazy!

[csimmons]

Ok, evidently the JO supervisor was there and all the atty's were given notice of the conference. Are they all, including baby's atty, trying to give mom more time? I am so frustrated and angry I could spit nails!

[Beccayinn]

Hang in there and keep praying. You know it helps and you need the peace. This calling is so hard....I wish I could offer better words of encouragement.

[vernellinnj]

This calling is so hard....