[dad_again_4ever]

Can anyone explain to me, a lay person, how the "waiting children" adoption system works?

I am confused, as I have an approved/completed/up-to-date home study. However, after faxing numerous homestudies, we're still waiting.

Do we need a social worker? My wife and I started off wishing to adopt a newborn but, after realizing so many children need loving homes, opted to adopt a child or small sibling group.

Has anyone had any experience with interstate adoptions? My wife and I have applied for children in various states other than our own. One state refuses to talk to anyone but our "social worker", which we don't have.

Do we need to pay for another home study?

Also...I am hearing too many horror stories on this site about foster-adopt. It would break our hearts to return a child to an abusive situation. What are your thoughts?

Also...Do you think states really want to find permanent homes for foster children? I often wonder...

Any input would be welcome. Thanks a bunch.

[kikibrando]

Hi,
We were living in Michigan, had a completed home study, and spent two years trying to adopt there and through interstate possibilities. We were matched twice with two separate situations in Michigan, which didn't work out for varying reasons.
Our experience, most social workers get many calls from parents. Some are happy to talk, but the majority don't want to take time from their schedule and would prefer to speak to a social worker representing your family. This was frustrating for us, but I have learned to understand that most agencies are about "finding families for children, not children for families." Other's told us they won't consider a family that's not a licensed foster family. Part of our problem was many of the children available had issues far more challenging than we felt able to parent.
Now we are licensed foster family, adopting a little boy through foster-to-adopt. We are very fortunate to have been blessed with the pending adoption of a healthy two-year-old boy we plan on calling Benjamin. His adoption will be final in two months.
We found it easier to adopt when we got our license, for whatever reason that is. We have also found many workers, out-of-state, seem more interested in our family because we are licensed and have MAPPS training. It is easier if you have a social worker contact, and many agencies now require it before they will follow up on your home study.
I hope you will find a placement soon. Best of luck.

Eleanor

[kikibrando]

I should also add that "Benjamin" was also legally free and TPR completed when we began visitation. There was no emotional roller coaster for us with this adoption. We are fostering his six month old sister. Unfortunately, we are on the roller coaster with her. We pray we can adopt.

[dad_again_4ever]

Thank you for your input. It is my prayer that little sister will become a permanent part of your family soon.

All the best.

[AmyAnne]

You can specify that you will only consider children who are legally free for adoption. That will help. I would strongly recommend a social worker. Mine has been nothing short of awesome.

[dad_again_4ever]

Thanks for the information. I just had a quick question--or two--for you.

Are adoption facilitators and social workers the same? If so, I know my state doesn't use facilitators.

Also, my wife and I see very few children on our states "waiting children" list that match us. (We're looking for girls, from infant to 5, or small sibling groups. Race is unimportant.) Are there more children than shown?

I am self-employed, so I better get back to work or make my boss mad !

Thanks.

[AmyAnne]

There are sometimes more children than shown. You will have a difficult time getting a young girl who's legally free, though. Statistically, they're the least common. If you're willing to take a sibling group of 2, that will increase your chances.

[waiting home]

• Waiting children are those with many, many special needs who may have had much difficulty being placed by their caseworker.

* Many have 1 or more failed adoptions or failed pre-adoptive placements (meaning the child was more than they were capable of handling once he/she got there.)

• We did an interstate that went horribly wrong. So much undisclosed info,

• With any kind of adoptive situation (with wards of the state) there needs to be someone who will supervise (usually a caseworker or social worker) the pre-adopt placement, make sure all is well and then recommend to the court that adoption is the final step. I believe the only time you can get around NOT using a supervisor is if it is a private (pre-arranged) or relative adoption (but only if the child is not a ward of the state. You will not find these children on "waiting kids" listings.

• Yes, there are many, many more children than you will ever see listed on sites like www.adoptuskids.org. Most states only list the children that have been waiting the longest or who they are having great difficulty placing.

• You will need a professional to help you through all of this. You as a cold-calling adoptive parent will never get enough solid information on a child to make an educated decision on whether this child is a match with your family. The caseworkers and social workers know what questions to ask and what are the red flags.

• I am fairly certain that adoption facilitators are only used in cases of private and pre-arranged adoptions of infants. Adoption of an older child is going to be a child in state's custody which is a whole nother world.

• Then you will want to specify if you are willing to do "legal risk" (parents rights are in the process of termination but not final) or TPR (parents rights are already terminated). Either way, these kids have been through a lot to get to this point. The system is verrrrrrrrrrrrrry, verrrrrrrrrry slow.

• Kids with special needs are the ones you will see posted. Kids who have faired well in their foster homes are more times than not adopted by those homes and if they are a good foster home (bonding has occured to some degree, etc), they usually have first rights before the children are available to other families for consideration.

* I would suggest finding an agency that is willing to do both in-state and out-of-state adoptions. That gives you the most options. If you are matched with a child in state, there is no cost to you. If you choose to go out of state, you will pay the fees set by the agencies. One tip: county agencies will not do out of state, their priorities are kids in-state only. You will need a private agency most likely. But you need to ask what they specialize in so that they can provide post-placement support if you need it.

I know its so confusing, but I hope this helps a little.

[missw005]

Originally Posted by dad_again_4ever

Can anyone explain to me, a lay person, how the "waiting children" adoption system works?

I am confused, as I have an approved/completed/up-to-date home study. However, after faxing numerous homestudies, we're still waiting.

Do we need a social worker? My wife and I started off wishing to adopt a newborn but, after realizing so many children need loving homes, opted to adopt a child or small sibling group.

Has anyone had any experience with interstate adoptions? My wife and I have applied for children in various states other than our own. One state refuses to talk to anyone but our "social worker", which we don't have.

Do we need to pay for another home study?

Also...I am hearing too many horror stories on this site about foster-adopt. It would break our hearts to return a child to an abusive situation. What are your thoughts?

Also...Do you think states really want to find permanent homes for foster children? I often wonder...

Any input would be welcome. Thanks a bunch.

Dad,
First of all, am somewhat confused how you got an adoptive homestudy WITHOUT a social worker.
Beyond that-
1. In many states, initial contacts are worker-to-worker ONLY. (ie, Oregon, W. Va., etc.) You will be out of luck in those states without a worker to represent you.
2. If you are looking for a young child, under 3 - be aware that competition for these children is extremely fierce. With the Net as it is, thousands of people are looking at the same waiting children webpages as you are. With all of us (me included) applying for these same kids, it's very, very competitive and difficult. There will be workers who won't pick you because it's your first child with special needs and you don't have experience. Or they don't like your ages. Or where you live. If you're open to race (I'm assuming you're CC), you have to be able to show how you'll keep your child involved in their culture.
It's very complicated and (once again) VERY competitive for these little folks, unless you're willing to consider major medical, behavioural, intellectual, etc. issues/disabilities.
3. What state are you from? (if I may ask) Where you're from and where you're looking is a big factor as well. For instance, most southern states will NOT even consider Minnesota (my home state) families. The only exceptions I've found in that are Texas and Florida. And even then, it's worker by worker.
4. I've adopted both of my sons from other states - OR and NJ. Unfortunately, Minnesota is a large state geographically, but a small state population-wise. Especially in my end of the state.
Which state was easier? NJ - but in a bad way. Lots of big mistakes, lack of pertinent info, etc. OR was much more organized, had their act together. As for subsidy and medical - NJ was easier, OR was/is harder. (I only recently finalized on my son from OR).
There are also states that are well known for being difficult, deceitful, dishonest (and more d words for that matter! ) Florida is known as a horrible state to deal with - yet, I've applied for kids in Florida as they do have younger kids available. California is also tricky.

Let alone the cost factor - flying out for visits, some states require weeklong family stays, some states require you to return for finalization, some states only reimburse $500 (instead of the max of $2,000) for nonrefundable adoption expenses, etc.

5. As for fos-adopt, or "concurrent planning"............don't get me started. I do NOT have any positive images of that issue whatsoever. If you're going to do it, it can work.............but always be prepared that it won't and the kids can be returned at any time, or when you least expect it. Let alone your family being in emotional turmoil with the "what-ifs" until your child can be adopted by you or is returned to birth family...........and it can last FOR YEARS!!!

If you're looking for experience, do emergency/crisis care for your county (you still get your foster care license and get experience without the major foster care issues) or do respite care for other foster families. It gives you experience, you can list it on your homestudy so the workers don't think you're total newbies, you can see/work with a variety of issues (which will help you decide what you really can - and can't - work with), it gets your name out there so workers in your area can get to know you, and you might even meet kids that could become available to adopt later on.

As for "Do you think states really want to find permanent homes for foster children? I often wonder..."
IMHO, I think a good part of it is what brings them into foster care in the first place. Once they're removed from that danger (drugs, neglect, abuse, sex stuff, etc.) and they're in a safe foster home - I think final placement isn't as much of importance as removing in the first place. (does that make sense??)
Once the kids are safe - they're farther down on the priority ladder. With the limited amount of people and $$ resources, removal is a much bigger priority than finding a permanent home.
Do I agree with that? HE** NO!!! But if workers must choose one to prioritize - I do agree removal from danger should be first.
It's just that finding an adoptive family/home should be SECOND!!!!!!

Hope that helps!
Sandy

[dad_again_4ever]

Yes, I do have a home study which was completed by a licensed marriage and family therapist(LMFT). He holds a doctorate and did a thorough research into our home/family life, interviewed our nearly grown children, etc. In addition, my wife, myself and our adult child were fingerprinted and had extensive background/criminal history checks.

After his exhaustive background checks, my wife and I were finally approved to adopt a wide variety of children--including special needs children.

We never used a social worker, but are willing to go that route in order to adopt.

I thank all of you for your vast quantity of helpful information. I am glad you helped me, as it is difficult to get this information from many state employees (with the exception of MA, CO, CA, and TX).

Thanks again.

[Ms. Jackie]

As someone who aged out of foster care and who does a lot of volunteer work relating to foster care, let me answer your questions as best I can.

"Waiting child" adoption system is not something I have heard of. It is assumed that all children in foster care for whom parental rights have been terminated are waiting to be adopted. This is about 150,000 children nationwide.

If you are attempting to adopt from foster care, you should not have to pay for a homestudy. The state covers the expenses. If you are waiting for a private adoption, this is different. Private adoptions often take longer and cost more. This is the best route to go, however, if you want a baby and do not want to have to deal with potentially sending a child back home.

As far as the horror stories you have heard about sending kids back to abusive homes, the whole point of foster care is to rehabilitate families to be able to send kids back home. When this happens, in a sense, that is the system succeeding. Sometimes this is not possible, but the states have a burden of "reasonable efforts" to reunite. A foster parent who is REALLY doing their job, wants to get families stable and back together. Unfortunately, a lot of people go into foster care who are only interested in adopting and sometimes attempt to sabotage the birth family or talk bad about them simply because they have attached to the child and do not want to see them go. Occassionally, what they say about the birth families is true, however, and they are court ordered to send a child back to a home that is not ready for them.

Once it is clear that the child cannot go back home and never will be able to, parental rights are usually terminated. Once this happens, kids DO NOT go back home. You can do adoption from foster care and decide not to foster. This is the step where you would be brought in, if that is what you want to do. It sounds like this might be right for you, based on your post.

[Ms. Jackie]

Yes, the states want to get foster kids adopted. My mom's parental rights were terminated against both her and my will because the state did not think, at eleven years old, that I needed to keep my attachment to my mom, who is disabled but was never abusive. The money they get from the feds is tied to adoption.

I think what you need to do is call your local human services/social services office and ask about licensing for adoptive parents. I think you got started at the wrong end of the system and just need to talk to someone in your state before you go any further.

[Howdy]

I live in the country but not far from a big city. The county I live in would not have had children, so I signed up with the foster-adopt of a county in the city. The county did all the work of finding a match for me, and although I didn't want an infant, they do get many infants, and last year were struggling to find homes for infant-toddler sibling sets.

Of course there is the potential for heartbreaking loss when you do foster adopt, but there is also the option of disrupting (returning the child) if the child has scary issues. The latter makes it worth it to me to have the risk, because I have a cousin who was adopted from an ophanage overseas and he had major issues and it was a bad experience for his parents.

I think the 'waiting' children on the websites are the unfortunate children that no one has wanted because of their issues. My first foster daughter's brother was put on the waiting list after the county had not been able to find him a home in a year and TPR was already scheduled. He was only on the list for a couple weeks before they found a home for him. He was a very sweet 3 yr old, but had fetal alcohol affects or syndrome (I'm not sure which).

I'm glad I went fost-adopt because I've gotten very normal kids. They have had their grief issues and their behavior issues, but they have been kind loving sweet kids. It has taken a couple years and multiple placements before I finally get to adopt, and losing kids is sad and painful, but I have never had to lose one to a bad situation, only to relatives who were safe and loving homes.