[csimmons]

The attorneys have a scheduling conference set up on Oct. 26th to set another tpr date.

Our caseworker feels that the judge will not allow another continuance since baby M is now 26 months old and has been in care since birth. He says mom called him and has a job when she gets out of jail and is NOW ready to work her treatment plan .....

Baby M's Guardian Ad Litem feels mom's atty will keep asking for continuances to show that mom can "get it together and stay clean." However, he doesn't feel the judge will allow more than 6 months for this mom to prove herself.

Who knows what will happen. I hate this roller coaster ride and wish it were all over and done with. I will NEVER chose to go through this again. Once our case is completed, we will not take in any more foster children and I will not encourage any friends to be foster parents if they wish to adopt a child. I am 36 years old and have come to have a lot of white hair over the last several years, but I can say .... I EARNED EVERY ONE OF THEM!

I am so hopeful that we'll get a tpr date in the next several months and be done with this. Baby M deserves permenancy. Mom has all kinds of mental problems as well as very low IQ (retardation indicated). There's no way she could deal with baby M's behavioral issues due to her prenatal drug exposure. We just want it all to be over so we can all get on with our lives!

Why does it have to take so long?

[ANNWILL]

I truly understand also where you are coming from. Our little one is 2-1/2 (we got her when she was 3 mos old) she was physically abused and mom got 6 mos jail (she served only 3) dad- nothing. Dad has given up his rights to her (GREAT) but mom still wants her back- she from the time we got her had never bonded with her. Well the caseworker got permanent custody (GREAT) but of course mom had to appeal the decision (of which we knew she was) now next month we go to court in front of the judge for her decision- I pray we get her. Our hearts hurt so much over all this- we like you will never do this again- What hurts more is that we can't have any of our own and we feel like she is ours and she believes we are her real parents

[Ms. Jackie]

I am so sorry for what you have been through. I wish things would have been handled more quickly for your child's sake. It is unfortunate that this has completely turned you off to being a foster parent.

I must say, however, that I do not think you are thinking of the kids when you say, "I will not encourage any friends to be foster parents if they wish to adopt a child." I was in foster care for ten years and have been a volunteer with the system for six years and I have to say that whatever you have experienced PALES IN COMPARISON to what foster kids experience. If you would deny any more children your home, that is your choice, but I was angry when I read that you will not encourage other people to be foster parents.

Tell them your story. Tell them how much it hurt to be on the roller coaster. Let them know this could happen to them. THEN, let them decide for themselves and support them in whatever decision they make. Encourage them to follow their hearts.

BTW- One of my foster families did a private adoption. They were on waiting lists for 12 years. Would that have been better than your wait? Maybe. There would not have been the uncertainty. Not everyone has twelve years. And during the twelve years they were one those lists, THOUSANDS of foster children were waiting for a good adoptive home and may not have gotten one.

[BeckyTeehee]

I responded to your other post.
Again, I'm SO sorry about your situation. Like you I wish it were all over as well. We have decided like you that after our case is over we will not be fostering anymore as well. I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from.
I will have you and yours in my thoughts...

Please keep us updated

[csimmons]

Ms. Jackie:

I wanted to make clear that I said I would not encourage someone to foster if their intent was to adopt. I have two adopted children that were private adoptions and those types of adoptions are by far easier and less to deal with emotionally. Fostering is wonderful. We've had 40 children and have seen a lot of hurt children. For us, though, we have our hands full with the three children we now have. Because of all their special needs, I would have to be checked in the nut ward if I tried to take on another one. I used to be the kind of foster mom that took kids whenever they called me. I about drove myself insane. I work full time, take care of a large home, work real estate on the side, and lead worship at our church. I do understand the importance of foster parents and would encourage friends to foster but only if they're in it to foster and not adopt. I hope this clears that issue up for you.

[csimmons]

One other thing ... my plan once our case is over, is to be a CASA volunteer. I want to help children by giving them a voice in court. To me, this is very important and something I very much believe in. I will still be helping children but in a different way.

[Ms. Jackie]

It is important to know your limit. If your limit is three, then it is three. You go right on ahead and be the best mom to three you can be. Just, PLEASE, do not discourage other people from fostering. That was how the initial post sounded to me, unless I misunderstood your post.

CASAs are awesome. Kids need them more and more.

[BeckyTeehee]

I don't think anyoneis discouraging anyone from fostering!

We chose to be foster-adopt parents and I see NOTHING wrong with that. I think it's a fine way to ADOPT if that is what you choose dispite what others may feel. Please feel free to have the feelings in which you do, They are yours and you are entitled!

[BeckyTeehee]

I think I'm confused!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL

[Ms. Jackie]

me too. I was talking to C Simmons initially, just got confused by the posts. My mistake.

[csimmons]

We finally have another tpr date scheduled in March. It seems so far away, but I know it will be here before we know it. The waiting is just oh so hard! We could've gotten a date sooner but the GAL wanted to get a spot in court that was first thing in the morning so we didn't run the risk of having it moved because of a prior case going too long. Mom still isn't doing anything. She contacts the case worker once a month, usually in the evening time or weekend when she knows he's not working, to say she wants a visit. Never leaves a number so the worker can call her back ... I guess that's her way of saying she is "staying in contact with Children's Services." She told the SW that she had a job, but hasn't followed up on it. I haven't had any contact with her since April this year. and fd hasn't seen her for 13 months. The waiting is so difficult!!!

[kforkids]

Oh the waiting IS so hard! I'm glad you have a date and a good reason for it being so far away. It doesn't sound like you'll have much risk...