[FostAdoptMoms]

Hello All -

In learning more about children we are considering for foster-adoption, we discovered that 2 perhaps 3 of them have been sexually abused (girls). We have two bio daughters and their safety is paramount for us as you can imagine. In our foster care training we were informed that only 10% of those abused go on to abuse or act out sexually with others. Adding to our concerns is the fact that we share custody of our bio daughters with their father and we are concerned that even the knowledge that the children we are considering have been abused sexually may create issues with our shared custody.

Our questions are these:
1) Those of you who have fost-adopted children with a history of sexual abuse; what has your experience been related to any sexual acting out or behaviors?
2) Have any of you with bio children at home brought in children with a sexual abuse history? and if so, what was the outcome?
3) Has anyone heard statistics different than that listed above related to victims becoming abusers?

We know there is a wealth of knowledge and experience here and appreciate your thoughts and experiences.

Thanks!
S&K

[Gryph]

There are some that say sexually abused boys are no more likely to abuse than the general population. This study pointed more towards to high school sports jock as a more serious problem. They use there position and power. They like the power and control which is what they say the motivator.

We have accepted several boys wrongfully accused. All were fine. Sometimes, they decide to make it a "founded" case knowing it was really "unfounded" just to get services for the boy or at least get him out of the home.

We've taken some true blue offenders that required constant supervision. We did this only for the short term as it was very draining. These guys are extremely high risk. They live to offend. They do not see what they are doing is wrong. they believe their victims wanted it. A comment that sticks with me is "I showed them how to have fun."

If you are asked to take one, I suggest you discuss it with the social worker and get some idea where the child is on this spectrum.

[lucyjoy]

My children had histories of being sexually abused. Only one is an offender-his two bio brothers are not. I did know he was an offender early on as there were multiple accounts of his attempts throughout his file.

One of the things we do is to put alarms on all the childrens doors. This helps 2 ways. It prevents the children entering each others rooms without our knowledge. It also lets the children know that no one will be sneaking in on them either. My sibling group of 3 use to sleep under their beds at night. After putting the alarms on, only one continued to do so.

A lot of the kids in the system have been sexual abused. Some act out as its learned behavior and can easliy be taught not to. I think there are very few that actually are true offenders. When other kids are involved, you do have to be more careful. Anytime I take a new child, we all go over safety rules-good touch, bad touch, telling without fear etc.

[BlessedByTwo121]

My oldest daughter has an unconfirmed history of sexual abuse. She has never acted out sexually. I think it depends on the extent of the abuse...how old they were at the time and the duration of the sexual abuse.

[Lorraine123]

I have heard that 80-90% of foster children have been sexually abused. So the odds are great that the child you receive will have a history of sexual abuse. My daughter was sexually abused, and she did have a documented case of perpetuating on another child in one of her foster homes. That was the only case. However, she does have acting out behaviors. We have two biological sons living at home. They are older and we discussed in depth with them what may happen and how to handle it. When she plays, her barbies have quite an active sex life. She inappropriately cuddles with men that she doesn't know (they don't always realize it, so we keep a careful eye). She tried to seduce my older son (invites him into her bedroom when she is changing clothes). She dances in way that no 6 year old should know how to dance. We talk with our sons and tried to prepare them, however, they weren't prepared for what they saw. It was freaky to my oldest son to have a 6 year girl do these things. While they understood it intellectually, it was weird to them. They did handle it well. We had role played on what to say. I don't know how old your daughters are, but I would keep a close look out on them. You can never be too careful, and the results if something happens are detrimental. My daughter's behaviors have greatly reduced, in fact, they are mostly non-existent now. I still an alert to it, but it isn't nearly as persistant as it once was.

[Peggy]

Additionally some children who have been abused, my become sexually reactive but are not true predators. As I understand it. Being sexually reactive can be addressed through therapy and is not permanent. If someone has more specific information, feel free to correct me.

[AmyAnne]

A was abused, and in turn abused his sister in their bio home and a male friend in a foster home. We keep close and careful tabs on A now, and we've seen no sexually inappropriate behaviors the entire time he's been here... 8 months now.

But we also keep talking about it. Even when he doesn't want to.