[mckenna]

my foster daughter is being picked up right now for a visit with her birth mom. she is 9months old and has been with me for 7.5 months and has seen her birth mom 3 times in the past 7.5 months. the last time was 3 months ago. bmom reserfaces after missing the last 2 court hearings, a drug drop and psych eval and they just let her have a visit!!! i am so frustrated. tprs have already been filed with the court. i just don't see how this can happen. i don't even know what i am looking for by this post, just wanted to vent and if you open this thread, you have to listen, lol!
i am counting the minutes until i know she is back safe and sound at daycare.

[leaabc123]

Unfortunately, unless it is changed in court, they can miss as many visits as they want until TPR is declared.

One of the reasons that our girls' case is ongoing is because they make about 90% or their visits, even though they are doing nothing else on their case plan.

[shycar]

We had our little guy for a year, with no visits. His mother dissapeared. 1 month before tpr hearing she shows up saying she wanted her son back. Of cours visit started. She had 2 visits a week for three weeks and missed 2 visits. She was upset, becouse her son did not recognize her. Well a month later tpr happened and we are hoping to adopt him soon.

[fang_grl]

Hang in there McKenna. I hope the hour goes by quickly!

[jackiesbooks]

hang in there! She could have showed up in court and said she was not given visits. The CW is probably just making sure they have all their Ts crossed.

[mckenna]

thanks for the messages. the visit should be ending just about now. i will know more in about a 1/2 hour. i know she did not show up in court, she just does this every 3months or so. this time she said that she had been working which is why she had not followed up on her child. what does she think i have been doing for the past 7 + months????? sorry to vent to you guys but i know you know the frustrations!!!

[mckenna]

she is back!! they picked her up an hour late and brought her home an hour and a half late

she did not get her nap and her lunch was an hour late. i need to speak with them about times if this is going to continue.

[jackiesbooks]

Ask if Mom was late!

[kharrison]

Tell me if this has ever happened to anyone please my two foster daughters 10mnths & 2yrs. have a visit with their father from jail.. A police officer will be bringing him to the DHS office for his 2 hr visit. Mom had a visit last week and never even changed a diaper so I am really worried about what Dad will do. I want to write to my local paper and ask why the tax payers are paying for gas and a police officer to take him to visit a child that he never cared for when he wasnt in jail...
Thanx-K

[mckenna]

my son's father was in jail and never had visits but if he had been granted visits they would have brought my son to jail to visit him. i was just praying that never happend. now for the court hearings they did bring dad from jail to the court proceedings.


as far as mom being late, i don't know, in the past they had always picked her up 20-30 minutes before the visit and met mom at the dfs office with the child (so if mom was late, that would have affected the return time, not the pick up time). once with my son they did that and then had to bring him back cuz bmom never showed up and after that she had to call with a 24hr notice. the sw is coming over tomorrow night for her monthly visit, so i will get more info then.

[jackiesbooks]

KHarrison - Who is going to supervise visits - the police?

[momofmykids]

Originally Posted by kharrison

Tell me if this has ever happened to anyone please my two foster daughters 10mnths & 2yrs. have a visit with their father from jail.. A police officer will be bringing him to the DHS office for his 2 hr visit. Mom had a visit last week and never even changed a diaper so I am really worried about what Dad will do. I want to write to my local paper and ask why the tax payers are paying for gas and a police officer to take him to visit a child that he never cared for when he wasnt in jail...
Thanx-K

Okay, I think I can honestly say that I NOW have heard it all.

BRINGING HIM FROM JAIL???? In what, his stripes and shackles???

I can't imagine the feelings you have right now, K. You and that child will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Oh good grief!

[kharrison]

Yeah the police supervise the visits I guess....I think it is the craziest thing I have ever heard of too.. I worry soooo much....Yeah he is in his stripes but no shackles I dont think....
K

[callismom]

My Foster Daughter has to visit both parents in jail once a month. Each parent's prison is about an hour away. Sometimes they get there and find out the prison is in lock down so they don't get a visit. If the social worker can't get another visit in that month, the judge makes them make 2 visits the following month because the parents raised a fuss. It doesn't matter that when they were out of prison and had visits they hardly ever showed up. It amazes me how the judges don't take into consideration what the child has to go through.

[marymary2]

Our 3 foster children had visits every 2 weeks for over a year until the visits were finally terminated. Here is what I learned. I asked if I could take the kids myself - they were more than happy to not have to provide transportation. This allowed me to be there. Being there allowed me to meet the birth parents, learn precious info about them, briefly interact with Birth mom and dad.

At one point, the father and I stood outside the facility, both contemplating things and I got to have an interaction with the man - the man that my foster son might grow up to be like. I found him to be caring and protective of his children. I got to see the mother a number of times (she showed up more often than the dad) and I got to see what my daughters might grow up to be like. I got to see her walk down the street, silly things like that - I'll never forget.

I believe that I was partially responsible for having the visits terminated. By communicating key information to the law gauardian and writing letters to the judge, I feel I contributed to the visits ending.

ONE TRICK. If you pack the diaper bag to go with a child, pack it full of pampers with ONLY ELMO's on the front, then dress the child with a GROVER or whatever diaper. If GROVER returns, 3 hours later, you've got a case for neglect. This gave me some important information about the care our foster infant was recieving on the visit.

I complained about the mental impact it was having on our oldest foster child - I wrote detailed letters about her acting out after the visits, and the disruption. The judge read all my letters.

I also appeared at a number of the court hearing and specifically complained about the visits, lack of attendance by parents, scheduling mishaps, neglect, and psych problems post visit. They heard me.

At the visits, I kept attendance records of who showed up, and how late. Our birthmother would arrive 20 minutes late sometimes. Since our social worker never went to the visits, she gave the parents the benefit of the doubt and often overstated their attendance. I was able to correct her with my records.

One option you have is if they require some type of 'confirmation.' Our visits were on a tuesday and if the parents had not confirmed on monday, then the visit was technically 'off.' But I was always afraid to not go because I never ever ever wanted to be 'the problem.'

We attended all the visits and so all the social workers involved got to see clearly that the kids were there - and the problem was the parents.

Eventually the visits were terminated and a huge load was lifted off our shoulders. That was our experience, I hope that helps in some way!!