[waiting home]

Our 14-year-old foster daughter has been with us since July without any problems (honeymoon).

All of a sudden things have gone (to you know where) in a handbasket.

Grades, homework, cutting classes, mouthy, challeging everything we say, hiding in the bedroom and accusing us of putting down her bio family.

Truth of the matter is, no one has been coming out to visit her, she's angry and we are getting the brunt of her frustration. This I all understand.

In talking with her last night, she tells me that she had requested (before placement with us) to be put in a group home. That if she cannot be with her own family, she doesn't want to be part of anyone else's family. She want's us to request group home again with her caseworker.

I really do understand that at this stage in their life, this enviroment might be better suited for their needs than a foster home. But we cannot make the decision and the caseworker (who is never available by the way, and annoyed when we call) does not want to entertain our fd's wishes.

Any one been here. I know it is testing us and she is probably freaking out because she might possibly be starting to feel some attachment for us. But in the mean time she is driving us insane and turning the house upside down.

Any advice?

She most definitely does not trust adults. We are at our wits end with the complete turn around.

[lucyjoy]

Does she have a therapist that will give you any ideas?

Acknowledge her anger. Tell her you understand that it is unfair for all these people to make decisions for her without considering what she wants. Tell her you cannot change the situation for her. Let her know you do hear what she says. If she's listening at this point(the big if)let her know that trashing her life won't get her back where she wants to be. Let her know that he choices to succede will get her more freedom then choosing to express her anger with her actions. If she wants adults to take her wishes seriously, she has to prove that she is responsible to make good decisions for herself.

It's hard because you cannot make their choices for them. I would let the case worker know that your daughter wants to talk with her. It is her CW responsibility to check up on this child whether she's annoyed or not.

Beyond that-let school handle school. Set the rules our clearly and hold to the consequences when they are not followed.

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

I agree with Lucy, acknowledge her feelings. I'd also reassure her that you will talk to the social worker as soon as possible and let her know your fd's wishes. If you are not able to get in touch with the worker be sure it's brought up at her monthly visit to your home.

Best of luck.

Michelle

[waiting home]

We have already done all that you have suggested. I contacted our licensing person and told her what was going on. We said that if we could not get the support that we needed in a timely manner that we are considering closing our home.

Well, that at least got us a meeting for next week. Everyone important is invited. So if no one cancels (ha, ha) we may cover some territory.

The bottom line is someone with more influence (who has known her longer; her CW) needs to be more involved right now since we have moved closer to crisis mode.

We'll see what happens on Thursday. I'll let you know.

Thanks again.

[DianeScraps]

How about respite at a group home? Maybe for a week or two?

diane

[waiting home]

We are going to suggest this.

There is no talking to our young lady right now. She has got everything all figured out at the ripe old age of 14.

Even her GAL thinks its a good idea to let her see what a group home is all about. This may help to change her perspective on what her best option is right now.

We suggested this to the agency over the phone and they basically don't want to deal with the paperwork. But things will change at Thursday's meeting. Something has to happen.