[love4kids]

My husband and I are having trouble deciding what age range we would like to foster/adopt. I teacher young children and am much more interested in fostering a child 0-3, my husband teaches Middle school and is interested in fostering a child 5-10. We are interested in the foster/adoption route and I feel like the younger the child, the more chance you have with the child (possibly) if in deed, the placement went to adoption. Are the foster/adoption placements usually younger children? Any thoughts or advice on this topic?

Thanks!

[gclvaruba]

I could be wrong, but I was always under the impression, that more younger children are reunited than older children.

You say you teach so if you have a child less than 5 yo do you have day care covered? Otherwise you would need to figure this into your finances. This was our reason for searching for children no younger than school age. Have to admit, if DFCS had come to us with a younger child for foster to adopt and had offered to help out with day care this most likely would have changed our mind. But then again, if you finalize the adoption before the child enters school and you continue working, the day care burden will be soley yours.

Some folks say the older the child, the more "baggage" they carry, but that is not necessarily so. Just depends on the child's history, there are just too many variables. For example, you have a chance of getting a 3 yo with horrible attachment issues or an 8 yo with horrible attachment problems.

[IowaGirl515]

My DH and I were exactly where you and your DH are! I wanted 0-3 and he wanted elementary school age. What we learned thru MAPP classes is that the BEHAVIORS are more of an issue for us. Sure... you can get a baby... but what if that baby has grief crying for 18 hours a day? What about that six year old who has some issues but overall is a great kid? Give me that six year old over the baby ANY day!

As for likelihood of adopting, IMHO age doesn't really play as much as the situation the kid is coming from. We've been very upfront about wanting to adopt and have said not to place us with what looks like short term placements. We are still on our first placement, but it's been two months and ALREADY is looking like it's going to be very long term.

You just never know!

[love4kids]

What a great way of looking at it! I totally agree with you and will view this much differently now. I would much rather have fewer behaviors and an older child, than the opposite! In regards to daycare from previous post, our SW has told us that daycare costs will be covered by the agency. So with that in mind, I have looked more towards a younger child. But we too thought that if daycare was not provided, we would have to go with school age child (ren) because we are both working parents. Thanks for your great insight!

[IowaGirl515]

Originally Posted by love4kids

our SW has told us that daycare costs will be covered by the agency.

Our daycare is covered by the state. There are certain guidelines, but generally yes.

Our SW actually encouraged us to put J in full time. My DH had been taking J in at 1:45 pm before he went to work and I would pick them up at 5ish pm. Now, we have her go all day on MWF and it's made a world of difference to my DH. He gets free time on those days!

[TexasJingles]

I'll chime in as the adopting older siblings from foster.

We asked for school aged because we were told that in order to get younger, you had to have one parent at home. Now, hearing from others, this is more than likely an agency rule (although we did hear it at a CPS meeting, so I don't know how others are doing it).

However, my 7 year old, who had just turned 7 when he arrived, allows all my "mothering" needs to be fulfilled! As well as the others from time to time. They never got the cuddles as an infant, small child, so they need it now. I've already requested a rocking chair for Christmas. BYW, ours are 7, 9 (8 when she arrived) and 10.

As far as day care, our agency said no, but then the kids cwr suggested it! Go figure! Part of our foster reimbursment is to cover care.

Now, as we're going through the process of switching from foster to pre-adoptive placement, we're having to negociate(sp?) and day care/after-school care is part of it (along with a whole lot more!). What ever we agree upon, the state pays half. So, if they say that they'll chip in $200 a month for C who is basic care, then we cover what they won't.

Hindsight, we wanted younger than school age (I REALLY wanted a 2-3 yr old...I know, I'm crazy!!!), or at least one of a sib set that was younger. However, I'm very glad that it didn't turn out that way. Trust me, there are still times I don't want to turn my back on my 3 (most people say they are the most polite kids they've ever met...and yet their tantrums used to be horrible!!), but I can at least take a shower almost anytime I want one! I don't take one if they've been arguing with each other...I don't really want that phone call "yes, where was I when S hit M over the head with a frying pan? ...well, in the shower ... " OMG!!! No way!

[tlc4kidz]

We were licensed for 0-3, and all of our longer placements (and the 2 that are now ours forever ) came right from the hospital. The oldest was 11 months, but only stayed for a short while. I'm a sucker for newborns......crying and all. I love every stage, but there's just something about the smell of their silky soft hair (or shiny bald head) right after a bath. Our daughter is 2 1/2 now. Tonight she was sitting on my lap and turned around and got this really surprised look on her face, pulled my head down and whispered, "I love you mommy". My heart melted. I am in awe of the parents that can parent the older kids and those with RAD.....they are my heros. As far as I'm concerned my "job" is all fluff !

BTW, our state pays for daycare both before and after adoption.

[jackiesbooks]

My advise - Get licensed for both ages and decide case by case.

[Kate1129]

We are licensed for 0-3. My husband didn't care what age. So it was left up to me. I chose the little ones based upon the fact that we've had 3 miscarriages and 9 years of infertility. I wanted a small child. Our first 5 placements were short term teens. It was great! I had some really wonderful kids! But my heart longed for a baby. The kids we got now were 3 years and 1 years when they came to us. They are now going on 2 years and 4 years. I love it!

We are heading for termination, so it's been all good!

[bjhv5]

We did 0-3 one reason was due to the fact that we have a 13 yo whi is terminally ill and could not tell us or defend herself if we had an older child with dangerous issues,secondly I love the age between 12mo-3yr to me that is such great age!! And we knew a 3 year old could not get into my daughters special bed.

We did have a 5yo and 3 sib group placed with us the 5 yo had to be removed because she was hurting her brother(choking ,hitting etc) they were our first and we were so happy. Now we have a 26 month old we have had since he was 20 mo( at the DEC court date they are reccom. TPR), a 15 mo we have had for 3 mon and his baby sister we picked up from the hospital she is 8 weeks and THE BEST BABY.The other 2 have 2 older sibs a 3yo and a 7 yo we have already told them we want all 4 if they can but the other FM is putting up a fight about having them placed here (we want to adopt all four of them she doesnt want to aopt) and TPR looks like it will happen but not sure when you never know mom and dad might get it together.
All that just to say this- Just because you ask for a certin age here it doesnt mean you wont get offered older or younger than what you asked to take!

good luck!
Deb
Bio mom to B17,JJ would be 15(8-26-90/8-15-03)H 13,V12
FM to J 26mo,K 15mo,L 8 weeks