[SnglFmom]

Here's the situation. I have two foster/adopt siblings, 2 yo and 5 yo--part of a 4 sibling group. Two other siblings have been returned to relatives. Nonreunification has been filed and approved on the 5 yo. 2 yo came into care in another county where that county also approved non-reunification. The files were then transferred to current county and nonreunification hearing was heard on the 2yo in current county and the judge has DENIED nonreunification and ordered a reunificaiton plan be put in place because judge says 1st county screwed up by not offering the bmom any services and instantly filed and approved nonreunification. So since 1st county screwed up, 2nd (current) county has to pay for it and begin reunification process with a bmom whom has three other children that all have nonreunification orders and termination proceedings will begin soon.

So the dilemma is: I have these two children (of course which I hope to adopt), I now have to fight for what is in the best interest of these children. I have one that is nonreun and one that is reun. The 5 yo is old enough to know what's going on and knows that two of his other sisters have been returned home, now there's a possibility of a third--but why not him? How do you explain that to a 5 yo? (One in which already has anger issues!)

Has anyone experienced a similar situation? Two children of same sibling group, working two different plans, one reunification and one non-reunification? How can I advocate for this 2 yo?

Please any advice would be helpful!

[waiting home]

I wish i knew what to say here. i know it is very, very hard.

We have had this situation with a 13-year-old and a 14-year-old. Talk about needing a response fast.

What we had going for us was that although they were not understanding of the "fairness" (their perspective) of the situation, they understood time, fit/unfit parent, could appreciate and recognize a stable non-chaotic environment and had the ability to discuss it with us. Not saying that was easy though.

But with a little one, I honestly do not know what you would say.

I have seen some "little guy" books on Amazon.com like "Why can't I go home," "Something bad happened at my house," "What is a foster family" "What is adoption," etc. I bought some of them to have on hand but haven't read through them yet (3 teens in the house is worse than babies, ha, ha).

Anyway, are you willing to take on the other sibs? Maybe there's a way for you to get them all in the same county. Sib reunification is just as important. That way if bmom blows it, you have them all together already. I would say getting the sibs together (if they are not separated for safety issues) would be in the best interest of all the kids and the first issue to address?

[Faith65]

Hi,

I have had a simular situation with a 3 sibling group. The older two where placed together, and the youngest 1 went to live with her BioD and girlfield. After two placements with the older two they where seperated for saftey issues and behavior issues. Youngest child was adopted by BioD's and now wife 2 years later.

Now the middle child is living with me. Oldest daughter in another placement. TPR will be happening in our case. Rumors of reunivaction and TPR with oldest are going around. Our FostD has been told by bioM and boiS that they are going to live togehter. But we have been told different from everyone. Our FostD is and has many mixed feelings about this from jelousy to fear for her older sister's saftey.

What we have been doing is advocating for what is best for our FostD. I wish that the sisters could have a healthy and strong relationship but is not possible yet I pray some day it will. We allow our fostD to express herself in appropriate manners (not always happens) but we are there for her. We also try to point out how her behavior is when visits and such happen past and present. How she feels and if she feels good. (which she is now finally able to share and express). She is making herself heard by all what she wants and doesn't want. Which is here with us and not there.

We also try to help her take care of herself and get herself healthy. And when she is she will be able to help others or not and we will support that choice and help her than too. Her choose. She cannot now. So it is our job to protect her, help her, and contuine to love her.

I know I didn't give you much to use but sometimes just knowing others are going through the same relieves some stress. I wish you best with your children.