[melliemoo]

My husband and I are going to foster/adopt. He was curious to know what percentage of fostered kids go on to graduate high school, and college? Has anyone seen statistics like these? We'll ask our social worker next week when we see her.

Thanks,

Melissa =)

[lostboys]

This doesn't really answer your question but I found this on connectforkids website and thought you might be interested:
Former foster children are twice as likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as Iraq war veterans, according to the 2005 Northwest Foster Care Alumni study. More than 20 percent of adults formerly in foster care are doing well—but most, however, face major challenges in the areas of mental health, education, and employment. One-third are living at or below the poverty level, and nearly a quarter experienced homelessness some time after leaving foster care.

I foster teens and I can tell you that from my experience all of the boys Ihave had are FAR BELOW
average in school. It takes a lot of work to get them to make passing grades, I have had one go to college, he is starting his second year. And I have one that is a senior this year. He can graduate if he wants to, but I am not sure he will. I am afraid he quit in January when he turns 18. I pray he finishes.

[melliemoo]

Thanks for those interesting findings. How sad. We are trying to adopt an infant/young toddler so I think our chances might be better if they're stimulated and educated properly.

I'll pray too that your fs finishes high school. And that's great you have one in college! Good luck.

Melissa =)

[Lorraine123]

melliemoo -

Please realize that you must accept these children as they are. You cannot have expectations of them that you expect them to live up to. You will not know the IQ of their birth parents. And it should not matter. Many of them have horrendous pasts and your job is to help them heal and become healthy adults. College is not paramount. I feel that your focus is in the wrong direction.

Lorraine

[lostboys]

I agree fully with you. One of my FS is now a freshman in HS. When he came to us, he had never made passing grades. I just checked his grades on lie yesterday, and they had 3 grades posted. They where all A's. He was so proud of himself. He has never had anyone to help him with his school work or even to expect him to do it, let alone do it and do it well. We expect a lot of our boys, but we invest the time to make sure they learn and undertand. We sit everynight for at least three hour
every evening helping with homework. Our agency is going to start paying for tutoring this year for all the boys. It is amazing how much they can do when you set high expectations for them. I know they will not be straight A students, but that is what we shoot for, and when they bring home C's, I am happy and they are happy, because we know they have done their best. In time I hope the study habits and organization will take root as well as the feeling they get inside for doing well. What a blessing to see the leaps and bounds they are making. People always tell me that these boys are to old to make a difference in their lives. That just isn't true! They just need someone to teach them a better way.

[kllee4]

During orientation with a local organization who uses grants to find foster children homes, they only gave us statistics on children who "age out" of the system and are never adopted. These statistics are for young adults 18 to 21 and one in four end up homless for a short period of time, half hold steady jobs, half finish high school, 32% rely on some form of public assistance, 27% of the males and 10% of the females have been incarcerated and 6 out of 10 young women become pregnant.

Now keep in mind that these statistics are showing what may occur with children who REMAIN in the system without a loving, caring environment (not necessarily adoption, per se, since a loving foster home is second best to a forever family if one isn't found).

Our moderator stressed that the reason they push for more stable homes and environments because of what can happen, but with a loving family, these children can make huge strides against insurmountable odds with loving, caring families behind them advocating for them.

In many states, former foster children can attend state colleges with free tuition. This incentive is wonderful for students who may worry about their futures and dreams of attending college, wondering where the money is going to come from. They don't graduate with large student loans to pay back but can focus on living.

I wouldn't worry too much about the child that finds your home and their potential future. None of us really can predict what our children will accomplish and who they will become. We can only guide them and steer them in the right direction. It's up to them to do the rest.

Hang in there and think positive thoughts, but also prepare yourself for struggles and challenges that may come due to their past. Remember that it's not their fault and love them with all you have and I'm sure it will all turn out fine.

[melliemoo]

Lorraine - I do realize that the child, whether it comes from my body or not, may not end up going to college. We just have to do the best we can as parents and hope for the best. My sister did not go to college, and I have a PhD. So we are very different! I don't think my parents love her less b/c she didn't go to college. We were more just curious on statistics, and seeing if the kids were raised by a stable family if that helped them to improve.

kllee4 - we do have free tuition here in Texas, which is great! I hope it's a good incentive. Thank you for the interesting statistics. I would think that being raised by a loving, stable family will help to improve these numbers.

------------------------------------------------

I hope I didn't offend anyone by asking this. It really was out of curiosity, and has no impact on our decision to foster/adopt. We will love our child no matter how they turn out in life, and that doesn't matter if it's a child we gave birth to or a child that we adopted.

Melissa =)

[marsha4]

Mellissa,
I'm like you, whether or not they go to college isn't a reason to stop loving your kids, but I for one, am going to encourage and expect the children we have or we adopt to fulfill their potential. I don't think it's too much to ask that the children study hard and try to make good grades.

[heartfilledmom]

Lostboys,

I am with you 100%.

We are what we think others see in us.

If society or the government or anyone else for that matter sees limited possibilties in us, we will achieve just that, a limited life.

Foster or not, the school system in our nation is not working. Is it just not working for foster kids, no. We need to want more and expect more, foster or not.

Kids have amazing potential. We just must be able to see it in them first!!

I am a teacher and a mother and I have seen kids rise to the bar time and time again. Rising to potential doesn't always mean college. But it does mean giving hope, a future and following a specific direction that impliments and uses the valleys each has gone through.

May we ALL make mountains out of our valleys, not just mole hills.

P.S. Raise your hands if know someone who HASN'T lived in the valley for a season. I can't think of one.

[lostboys]

My FS's are old enough to start accepting the fact that although they may have had little control over there past, they have to start taking control of their future. We don't accept excuses. It is difficult for them without a doubt, but we know each of them are capable of great achievements. They need a lot of exposure to what is out there in the world for them. Their visions are very limited. It is great for me to see how proud they get over even small achievements, they have never been encougaged to try anything. We talk alot to them about showing up in their own lives. They hate it when we ask them how and where are they showing up in their own lives, but we keep doing it, because it holds them accountable.