[LEXIELYN]

I've heard this book, Parenting with Love and Logic, recommended so many times here and I must say that I am interested!! Are any of you using this "system" and if so what do you think? Right now I'm reading a Parenting the Hurting Child which has referred to the Love and Logic methods. It has given a few examples, but not laid out the principals of the system. Honestly, it seems to be totally opposite of how I would handle situations, so I'm wondering if I can successfully use this system??

Are any of you actively using this system to correct your children? If so, what ages does it work best with? Can you give some examples of how you use it and how your children react?

We have not had a placement yet, but I want to be prepared for when we do get our call. I'm reading everything I can get my hands on. Unfortunately our library doesn't have the original Love and Logic book, but they do have the one that is called Love and Logic - Teaching Responsibility. It's a book on tape, so I have to wait till I can get home to a tape player to listen tonight.

Can't wait to hear your feedback!!!

[AmyAnne]

You will find some of the examples cited in "Love and Logic" will not apply to you (Such as, your child is having a tantrum and banging their head on the refigerator and you give them the choice to have their tantrum in their room or their basement. Obviously, if your kid's banging their head you need to supervise that!) We use certain methods from Love and Logic. One is the offering of choices. A balks at bedtime and I say "It's bedtime. You may choose to walk up to your bedroom or you can choose to be carried. Which do you want?" Also, A is extremely irresponsible about keeping track of things. He has been at daycamp this week and thus far has misplaced or flat out lost: A water bottle, his lunch bag, his ENTIRE bookbag, 3 pairs of socks and a pair on underpants (they change clothes to go swimming, in case anyone was curious how he lost his underwear!) Instead of lecturing him on responsibility, because that has not sunk in the times I've done it, I wince and say "Oh wow. I hope they find that by the end of camp!" When we found his bookbag yesterday I said "Wow, you must be thrilled. You just saved yourself $20" He looked at me puzzled and said "I would've had to pay for it?" and I said "Oh yes. I bought you a backpack for the coming school year already. I don't particularly want to buy you a second one." We also use this at dinner. A likes to pick fights at the table. His choices are: not to argue at the table and to participate in the meal or to continue arguing and not participate in the meal. The one time we sent him from the table he was distraught that we'd actually done it but it hit home.

I would say take the priniciples and see how you can apply them to your particular child.

[tobeafamily]

We're dedicated Love and Logic parents. Our son is 3 now, we've read "Love and Logic Magic for Toddlers." I agree with AmyAnne- some of the examples won't apply. They are just examples though. The principles, applied consistently, really do work well.

My 2 thumbs up.

Regina

[Lorraine123]

2 thumbs up here also.

We are definite Love and Logic parents. Many times children from foster care can't fully understand if you explain things to them (due to many reasons). Love and Logic lets them live the consequences to their behaviors. It teaches them to deal with real life. If they break something - they have to pay for it. If they are late - they miss the event. If they lose something - they have to live without it.

We also live by choices. Just be sure both options are exceptable to the parent. Otherwise, the child will inevitably choose the one you don't want. Examples - Either eat your dinner mannerly with the family or go sit in your room. Either put away the toys on the floor in your room or I will remove all toys on the floor and keep them in my closet. It is entirely their choice. It isn't a punishment, its a choice.

I wish I had read this book when my two teenagers were younger. It puts the responsibility on the child and teaches good choice making.

[AmyAnne]

I can say, A's been here 7 months. He has become a lot more responsible in that time. I know I mentioned he lost a lot of stuff at camp: 7 months ago he wouldn't have bothered to look for it. Now he's like "I better find that!"

[TexasJingles]

My friends call me a "techie" because I love to pick things apart. Here's my take on Love and Logic.

It's great...for the right parent and child.

For us, it works for me (and I do still give the choices). However, my dh couldn't handle it. Kids didn't quite get it either.

Love and Logic requires delayed consequences. Think of the 50's when Mom would say "you just wait until your father gets home!". The child worries about what Dad is going to do! That alone is punishment.

Ours, well, they just don't have the skills to worry about things like this yet! They've had the tar beat out of them, locked in closets, seen things you REALLY don't want to know about (S can tell you how to smoke crack and huff paint! and he's SEVEN!!). They just expect the worse...except they know we can't touch them to discipline, so they don't worry!

M took the trash out the other day and "missed" the dumpster. We got a note about it and I told him how his actions have affected him, his family, the neighbors and more. He just didn't get it! He's still learning.

Dh wants discipline NOW! He's a bill collector and delaying is not in his vocabulary. Sooooo, we moved on to Parenting with Assertive Discipline. It works, for us. Both being on the same page is important.

However, the key to ANY plan is consistancy! Whatever you use, don't slack off, stick to it.

[AmyAnne]

TexasJingles...

What exactly is Parenting With Assertive Discipline?

[LEXIELYN]

WOW, Thanks for all the responses! I read many of them before I went home from work yesterday, so I was psyched up to listen to the tape series when I got home. However, the casette player ATE the first tape!!! YIKES. It took me so long to fix the tape player and the tape that I had no time to listen to them. So, it'll have to wait until this weekend.

Keep those responses coming.

TexasJingles, looking forward to learning about Parenting w/ Assertive Discipline as well! In your example w/ your son "missing" missing the dumpster, were your using Love and Logic or the Assertive Discipline method?

[tybeemarie]

I am a Love and Logic/Nancy Thomas parent. Or, I should say, I strive to be one. This type of parenting requires more thought, attention, creativity, and truly unconditional love than more typical parenting, but it works. It helps a lot in removing the anger in you in response to their defiant behaviors.

My kids have a lot of issues--attachment and FAS being the chief ones, also LOTS of grief and loss issues--but nevertheless, in most groups of kids, mine are the best-behaved. Now, when they blow it, they can really blow it. But I have seen a lot of change in their behavior and I attribute this to having a parenting plan. For me L&L and NT work well.