[nassarboy]

The caseworker was gitting on us for not calling the baby by her name. We call her emma and her name is jemma. The older sister (3) gets confused cause all the kids are named with a j . Is that a problem??

[AmyAnne]

Is this something you feel is worth fighting the caseworker on? Have you explained your reasoning to the CW?

[nassarboy]

yes we explained but she was mad at us. She is mad at us anyway cause we have basically called her out for not doing her job. We will conform but i feel she is just tring to lash out at us.

[MamaTo6]

If I were a bparent, and my child was in a foster home, I would be VERY upset that my child was being called by a name other than her own. IMO the 3 yr old will get used to all the names beginning with the same letter. As foster parents, its not our job to change kids names.

Warm wishes...MamaTo6

[mommyto9]

I know this is a sticky subject, but we have a fs we got at 2 days old. We weren't fond of his name so we call him by his first and middle initials. No one has said anything about it. Both parents were in jail and not able to see the baby so.... The cw's even call him by his initials. I gave pictures to the bp's and put his initials and how old he was, and they didn't say anything? They may one day, when they want to be mad at me about something but for now?????

Right? or Wrong? We just did what we felt was right and no one said any different.

[wish41more]

Our sw told us to change our fs name. We felt really weird about it but we did it due to saftey concerns. Bparents live in our town. I was afraid G would be so confused but he actually took to it very quickly. He's9 months old.

[MamaTo6]

We changed our sons name for safety reasons as well, but not until after TPR. Are the bparents involved with their child? Have they been TPR'd? Do they know you have been calling their child by a name you like, as apposed to the name they gave their child? All these things make a difference IMO.

MamaTo6

[wish41more]

Actually no, the bparents do not know. We were reluctant to do this but we're following the instructions we were giving from our sw'er. I am trusting that she knows what she's doing. The bparents also don't know that the child was transfered to an adoptive home. I am assuming that this is not information that they would want the bparents to know about if the sw is certain the child is unsafe when with bparents. It would only cause more drama and drag this case out longer.

[MamaTo6]

Sorry wish41more, my questions/comments were actually meant for Nassar.

I TOTALLY understand that in some cases it is best to change a childs name for safety reasons. What Im wondering about is if in Nassars case, will these children be going home? If Nassar is the amom, then it is her legal right to change her childs name for whatever reason. But if these kids are going home eventually, is it fair that they go home with a different name?

MamaTo6

[Ms. Jackie]

I agree that it is not okay for foster parents to change a kid's name. As a foster child, social worker or birth parent, I would be furious. I am not even fond of it with adopted kids, as their name is part of who they are and I do not like kids being severed from their past. On the other hand, if a child is older and decides to change their name when adopted or if it is for the child's safety, I feel that is okay. As far as calling the kid by their initials, that is iffy. I do know from experience that calling a kid one thing for a while, changing it and then changing it back is confusing to kids, so for their sake, do not change their name if they will only be with you briefly, unless it is a safety risk not to.

[BeckyTeehee]

Screw the caseworker!!!
That is ubsurd! I think she or he should be worried and focused on more IMPORTANT issues than that! Just watch what you say in front of them. They are not caregiving everyday like you are. I think if calling her that fits everyone best in your home that is what you should do!

[kikibrando]

Originally Posted by Ms. Jackie

I agree that it is not okay for foster parents to change a kid's name. As a foster child, social worker or birth parent, I would be furious. I am not even fond of it with adopted kids, as their name is part of who they are and I do not like kids being severed from their past.

We will finalize our 2-year-old son's adoption within the next two month. During the foster-to-adopt process, we have followed agency protocol and maintained his birth name. This child's name is completely unique and there aren't any other children in the country sharing it. However, upon finalization we fully intend to change his name for various reasons:

1. We live in a moderately small community. This child's biological mother and family live within a two mile radius of my home. His extended family lives throughout the county. His name is a tag by which the family can track him, whether his last name is changed or not.

2. His birth was covered in the media and his picture was displayed in a prominent doctor's office here in town for almost two years. Again, his name stands out. His foster mother had people approaching her many times saying, "Is that so-and-so from the newspaper?"

3. The relationship and lack of bonding with the biological mother was unpleasant for him. His mother's nickname for him was a vulgar expletive that cannot be repeated in this forum. My son becomes distressed in her presence and cries if she approaches. A name change may not be for safety reasons, but it will be fresh start from this memory.

4. He is a "Jr." However, "Sr." is not the biological parent.. Upon learning this, "Sr." didn't want this child to have this name.

5. "Sr." has a lengthy, undesirable history. I don't want my son identified with this past because of his unique name.

6. Sometimes these children, regardless of their age, simply need a fresh start. We can make our own heritage, identity, and traditions.

7. I am, now and forever more, this boy's mommy. Yes, he may have history before us, but we are his future. From this point forward, we will impact his life for the positive. I feel no obligation to keep his name for the above stated reasons.

And, I also have a daughter, Kiana, whose name we didn't change. However, we did change the spelling from Key'yanna to it's current form. This was on the advice of several friends and the social worker. So, not all name changes are bad.

[Ms. Jackie]

As his legal mother, you are absolutely correct that you have a right to do as you like. As we both stated, in certain cases, there is excellent reason to change a child's name. Your child has been the subject of a lot of negative publicity by no fault of his own. Though perhaps his physical safety may be less of a concern (don't know the particulars), it sounds like his personal well-being is definitely better served by a name change. My issue is with name changes for the sake of change. I met a family who has a fairly open adoption (bio mom was not abusive or neglectful, just unable to escape poverty and wanted better for her kids) and the twins were three by the time they moved into adoptive family's home and both responded negatively to name changes. One of the twins, who has a diagnosis of cerebral palsy and mental retardation was so confused by it that they actually had to revert back to calling her the name she was given at birth. The parents did not really have a reason for changing their names except that they could. I had issues with this, but of course, it is their legal right.

I also had a foster mother who wanted to adopt me and change my name. The thing is, my mom's parental rights were not terminated until I was eleven. By then, my name (first, middle and last) was part of me and I wanted to keep it. There were other kids my age who did not feel that way. My point is that just because a person has a RIGHT, it does not automatically make it RIGHT to exercise it.

[Faith65]

Wow,

I like this topic. We are in the process of TPR of our fd's bio parents. This is very postive for her and her choice too. Biom abused not just physically but emotionally her 3 children. Our Fd has a very lovely name. With the same last name of mine(I am her aunt), but she wants my finace's last name. Also she introduces herself by her nick name she is 13 and has many rights. We want to support her in her progress forward. If she was much younger I would most likely change her whole name or move her frist name to middle.

I believe every child and their situtation is different and difficult. Knowing what is best is hard, but we all want what is best. And as a legal parent one should have a right to name their child. If I gave birth to my child I would be able to name them. I now am giving birth in a diffrent way to a child. Birth by the heart! I am and will be taking into consideration my future daugther's oppion in her new name, because she is old enough to do that. But if she wasn't I consider the whole picture like so many others have.

[Kate1129]

Name changes is a hot topic!

With our foster kids we will be changing their names. For our 4 year old he asked us to change it. He has said he wants it cause he has a new life and when he's J*** bad things happened to him. He wants a new name and we are taking it seriously. We have a new name picked and he said he likes it and wants to use it now. We are doing this, but not without talking to his councelor and SW.

As for C she's getting a new name too. We do not care for her name and want her to have a new life also.

There are also saftey issues. Plus there are some unscrupulous things that the bio family has done and we don't want that to affect the kids.

New names is not a new thing. Biblically God changed the names of His chosen people many times.

It's up to the adoptive parents, that's my opinion!