[TNfostermom]

How do you answer when asked if all the children with you are yours? I read somewhere that it is best not to introduce your foster children as foster children, but I have a hard time just saying yes they are all mine.

The fact that I have five children doesn't bother me. I think the only thing bothering me is that the girls hair is extremely short (about a quarter inch long). They had lice and the dad shaved them bald. I don't want anyone to think that I would do that to a little girl. I use to be a hair stylist and I guess maybe I have a hang-up on hair. One of the reasons I want a daughter is to do girly things like styling their hair.

The last time I was asked this was in a restaurant. The lady was very impressed with how well behaved all of them were.

[MamaTo6]

how bout an answer such as "they are right now"? Im interested to hear what others say.

Warm Wishes...MamaTo6

[kikibrando]

I have gotten this question many times, especially since we have a multiethnic family ranging from African-American to Puerto Rican at this time.

A very good response is, "Why do you ask?" It reverses the discomfort I feel and places the question back in the lap of person asking me. Usually, that stops it before it starts.

[momofmykids]

I just say, "yep".

The hair thing...my niece is just getting over cancer...her hair is about as long as your fd's. A friend of mine's daughter had cancer...same with her. People don't know that your fd hasn't been sick. Furthermore, who gives a flying flip what strangers think? If you act "embarrassed" the kids are going to pick up on that.

[leaabc123]

The first answer is always yes, especially if the kids can hear you.
Some people will hand curious people a business card that says something like, "We have made adoption/ foster care a part of our lives. However, we do not discuss this in front of our children as some of them may become uncomfortable. If you would like more information, feel free to call us at _____"

Some people may be curious about adoption/ foster care. Others may have other reasons. You can usually tell the sarcastic ones from the others though.

[hubbyswife]

We always say YES! Y bother explaining.... But boy do we get funny looks.... FS is cc and FD is aa/cc and we are hispanic! We don't care. We say yes they are ours and move on.... My parents call them their grandkids too!

[mommyo]

This has always been an issue with people for some reason. I have seven 4 bios and 3 fd's.under the age of 2 1/2 ranging from AA to hispanic. Many people will say things like. Boy you have your hands full, and I just reply." I sure do." They call me mom, and my kids call them their sisters, so nobody is the wiser. Although my husband who is a redhead, wonders what they might think.

It's all fun!

[nursie]

My husband was told by an intoxicated fellow at a race track where we had the kids (5 kids ages 4 and under) who were busy watching the school bus races, "well, we know you're not shooting blanks." To which my husband replied,"we're a foster family." to which my husband thought the guy responded with " well, I condemn you even more!" and after my husband told me and I had a chance to think about it , I said ,"I think what the guy said to you or was trying to say was I commend you even more."
My husband was all mad thinking the guy was insulting him and I said , " I think the guy was trying to give you a compliment about being quite a man whether you were the one who fathered the whole brood or were caring for them because of your big heart." Either way, I told my husband , "I don't think it was meant as an insult."
People say and misinterpret what is said all the time.
Too funny on that one though.
I have been asked if they are mine and I respond with 'right now they are!'
When asked if my bchild and fs are twins , I respond 'no, they are 7 months apart' and that always gives people something to think about !

[bjhv5]

WE went to the mall this weekend with our bio son17,our bio d12,our fs2,fs1 and new fd 12 days old and people asked if they were ALL ours and we said yes! most of the comments were wow you had them close together and I just finished with and one of our children is not here(our 13)! We are a family of CC and hispanic. I do not know if the reaction was because the 3 little ones are so close or because we had 5 children with us!

I will tell some people that we are foster parents and quiet a few have asked how to get started and who to contact.So I would just do what feels right to you.And about the hair well try explaining a 1 yo with huge scabie sores all over his legs!! We did tell people when he had the sores that he was new to our family,we never siad foster or adopted.I did not want to have DCF called on us for abuse haha.

Deb
bio mom to B17,H13,V12,(angel son J would be 15 8-26-90/8-15-03)
FM to J2,K,1,S 2 weeks old today

[wish41more]

When we had our 1st placement, people said the RUDEST things to me! He was cc/aa. dh and i are both cc. EVERYWHERE I went and EVERYTIME I went out in public someone had to ask, "is he yours?" I would have loved to answer like kiki and said "why do you ask?" but I just always said yes very firmly and sometimes gave a not so nice look. I know people are curios but COME ON! Also, like deb I do share, quite often actually that we are foster parents but only if I feel comfortable and I can do that bc we only have babies and they don't know what we're saying. I alos don't metion it in front of my bson. He's already confused enouph!

[jackiesbooks]

My husband says - Nope, I never seen any of these people before. The kids just laugh!

[Kate1129]

I have never been asked that. I guess it's because we are two cc parents with a 4 yr old and 2 yr old cc children. I suppose if we had more or if the children were a different race we'd be asked. I like the "Why do you ask?" line! I have to remember that one!

[kellis121]

It's kind of funny. I've never been asked if my fdaughter is mine as we are most often out together without my husband. I am cc and she is AA/cc. I do get a lot of attention from AA men though when she is with me. My husband is always amused by that!

I do, however, get questions about her name. "Why did you name her that? Is that a family name? Oh that's so unique, how did you come up with it?" I usually answer that I love her name and change the subject. Have other's had the name issue and how have you responded?

We were instructed by our agency that at no time are we to tell people that we are foster parents as it's a violation of the privacy laws.

[dadfor2]

i agree with momofmykids...just say 'yea' and move one.

as for the hair....hope you dont get offended, but who cares?..they are chidren, and as most know, who have children, they might get lice, they might get sap in the hair from a tree, they might get bubble gum in their hair...

or even worse yet....they sometimes decide to cut their own hair...

its funny, if i saw your girls, the first thing in my mind would be that they cut their own hair and you had to 'fix' it....lol.

again, i think the hair, which you kinda recognized in your post...is your issue, no one elses..

but like momofmykids...just say 'yea'...with all the issues we deal with, with our kids, we dont need to worry about what perfect strangers feel about us.. .

in time you will get so numb to how others view you...at first when i got my boys...(my boys had behavioral problems and they didnt hide them.. ), i would get these looks from people...i was so sensitive to that stuff..

now im like.....'whatever'....cant be bothered or have the time to worry about what the woman in target thought of me when i was picking my son up tantruming because i said if he touched it again we were leaving...and he did...so we had to go....

'oh those looks...i remember them well.....wow, i guess i have grown as a parent..lol'

[dadfor2]

wish41more quote:
"people said the RUDEST things to me! He was cc/aa. dh and i are both cc. EVERYWHERE I went and EVERYTIME I went out in public someone had to ask, "is he yours?" "

its funny, i think its great! people are finally acknowleding that some families are very diverse. not so long ago, people would never even ask that question, because they would just assume they werent yours.

i understand how it could bother some people, but the fact is, people are getting aware of adoption and the diversity of it all.

nursie:...i loved that story... that was great.