[Mel in NEPA]

We are doing a respite for 2 1/2 weeks, with 1 week nearly over. M, who is 5, is a sweet little girl with a temper, that I can handle. But brother R, who is 6 is harder for me. He is so needy. He doesn't want to go anywhere by himself, or do anything by himself, he repeats the same words over and over and over... He's like a festering splinter, and driving me crazy. He just invades my personal space all the time.

I'm not looking for a diagnosis, and I know that I must be more patient. I'm just looking for some coping skills, cuz this kid has already had a hard life, I don't want him perceiving me pushing him away, when I really want to run away screaming. How do I establish some space so I can breathe and yet help him with his needs? He constantly hugs and kisses me, and it's starting to creep me out. I do have my own children whom I love to hug and kiss, but his behaviour is outside the norm, or the appropriate. He touches strangers..

Ok anyway.. there it is.. any suggestions for me to get my head together??

[Rocking Mama]

Someone gave me some advice once that has helped me tremendously. It is:

Envision this child as a future mighty man of God (like Joshua or David -- you choose). Treat him like he is already there. For some reason, this works!

Also, with one child I really struggled with, I actually envisioned him as Christ. Boy, the love came pouring out of my heart.

This journey of foster care is truly a marathon sometimes and I have written in big letters on my kitchen chalkboard "Live in light of eternity." That encompasses our actions and our attitudes. I just try to live in a way that God would be glorified and proud of me. HTH

[leaabc123]

Does he know that this is only respite? Have his foster parents called at all to talk with him?
He may be feeling scared or insecure. He may have boundary issues.
Perhaps, you can give him some activity to do next to you while you are doing things around the house? When you are on the computer, let him do some coloring in the same room. If you are watching TV and sitting on the couch, make it a game to see who can stay on their own "island" the longest (the islands being the different sofa cushions or different pillows).
Also, do not be afraid to take a time out or take a break. You can go for a walk (assuming there is someone else in the house) by yourself or even lock yourself in the bathroom for 5 or 10 minutes to read a magazine.

[HDooley]

Don't let what he's been through keep you from setting limits for him and modeling good personal boundaries. Sometimes they come on stronger and stronger in an effort to find out what the limit IS and if you care enough to enforce it.

Once when I finished getting on to a high-maintainence tween-age girl, she said happily, "You're so freakin' nice that it's weird!" It took me three days to figure out that she was expressing relief that there was a limit to how much I would accept.

Good luck